Someone asked me
How I would describe
Your eyes
I looked at them
Without missing a beat
And said
"Enchanted moss
The kind of moss you would find in a fairy tale
The kind of moss that shimmers with gold and silver
The kind of moss that a fairy lives in once upon a time"
They looked at me with confusion
And they looked at me
Without missing a beat
And said
"Why would you compare them to dirt?
Just something you find on the ground
In a ***** forest of trees and branches?"
And so
Once again
Without missing a beat
I said to them
"Then I guess
you don't understand
How much I love him"

3/8/2019
I always thought that the idea of a summer kissed laugh
Was just the cliche used to everyone
I always thought that a snow-flurry smile
Was the epitome of a typical love story
I always thought that the effect of a sincere gaze
Was the basis of every romance novel
I always imagined that a soft warm hand to hold
Was the turning point of a classic love poem
I always believed that the weight of a soft-whispered word
Was the quintessential secret of forever
Until I met you
Then I heard your laugh
And the birds chirped through a July morning
Though it was snowing outside my window
Then I caught your smile
And realized that you were my love story
That I could read and still get hopeful butterflies from every word
Eventually I held your gaze
And realized that your silver-green fire eyes held a secret
That I want to look at every day
And when you caught my hand in yours
I held the softest whisper in my palm
As you traced my fingers and scars
When my ears finally heard my name
Your voice was the only thing that told me that I was myself
Because my name sounds so right when you say it
Because you are your own poem
You are your own whisper
And your own promise
And your own secret
And your own forever
And you are mine

i cant express to you how much i wish you were here

if you were here right now

we would stare at the stars laying side by side

you would sing me a song

and i would be okay

if you were sitting next to me

you would have your hand around my hips

and your head on my shoulder

and you would call me beautiful

and i would believe you

if you were holding my hand right now

i would squeeze our palms together

and i would never let go even when you left

and the world would be full of poems you wrote

if you were holding me

you would kiss my lips

and see your eyes as they see mine for once

i would realize that i love you

though ive realized it dozens of times before

if you were here right now

i would kiss you and laugh

and tell you i love you

and hope that you would say the same

3/15/2019
To go with your instincts is what they say
But I'm just going to follow my heart
And if it leads to you at the end of the day
Then I will happily fall apart

I need to process my thoughts
But I can't stop thinking of you
My mind keeps connecting unnecessary dots
And so I don't know what to do

Your eyes, your lips, your hair and your smile
I'm melting to my own sunset of doubt
And when you walk away, my heart it will shout
I want you to stay, but you won't

if i were to **** myself
it wouldn't be a surprise to anyone
since i'm told to all the time
the people who tried to help me out of this
will cry tears though there are few of them
let them be happy soon hereafter
the people who demanded my blades to my wrist
will smile down upon my blood-drained body
let them be victorious in themselves
the people who didn't know me
will see me as a number in the statistics
let them do powerpoint presentations on my pain
let the people of the world forget i existed
let the people of my world remember my name
let the people who i loved be free
let them

My biggest fear,
is that you will come back
on a day that I am too weak
to say no

3/18/2019
I don't know what I'm saying
This is a foreign language
It balances on the tip of my tongue
And crawls around the roof of my mouth
This is a romance language more romantic than
Spanish, or French, or Italian
This accent is startling but softer still I whisper
As you murmur sweet pieces of everything into my ear
You seem to be fluent in this language
As if love was your first spoken tongue
While I stumble over the words unable to say a simple phrase
The phrase unspoken for fear of mispronunciation
Because it's so easy to say wrong
Because vulnerability is another dialect I do not speak
Though it flows off of your tongue so easily
As if your teeth are sure of where they land
And your lips form the words that I need to hear
Even though I never knew I needed to hear them
This language that I don't speak
Comes from a country where the most beautiful people live
Where the happiest of smiles look up to the sky
Where the hearts are pure and simple and loving
But I do not come from that country
And my passport was brand new and unused
I have learned to live by myself on my own island of walls
The walls I build to keep out those who care
For I might hurt them if they came in
But you speak words that fill the cracks
And the love you give expands and breaks the wall
And you teach me this language I don't quite understand why
But you make sure that I know myself
Before I know you
Or the language
Or the world around me
You flew me to that country on an airplane made of the clouds themselves
And taught me this language that I will never forget
This language of love and happiness
This language of you and me
This language of the world as it should be

I am temporary,
But somehow,
It seems like we
Are forever

You deserve more
But when you hold me
I am convinced
That you will never let go

And when you speak
Your words form together
And string phrases
That echo within my head

And somehow
I know I will go
And I know
You will leave me first

But every minute
And every day
Seems to stretch further
Into the cave of my memory

You tell me I'm beautiful
And though the words are hard to hear
You become the only thing with me
And we are our own temporary Forever

3/10/2019
Sometimes I doubt
The undoubtable things
As if the sky is never blue
And time is never passing
Like why does he care about me?
Why does he choose me over every other girl?
Why does he only ever see me in a crowd?
My hair isn’t long like them
And I don’t have scrunchies for him to hold
I don’t have the best body
I don’t have the right curves and edges
My eyes aren’t as bright blue as some
They don’t strike you like a lightning bolt
My words don’t make sense
They just swirl into incoherent tumbles
I don’t love myself or have an ounce of confidence
I walk around wishing to live as someone else
I don’t have the most optimistic mind
My will to live is lower than the rest
I’m almost never truly happy
And when I am, I’m terrified that it will shatter
I’ve never had someone feel the same back
Because I’ve simply never been good enough
And somehow, though I am convinced of very little
He sees me as enough
And I don’t understand
But I guess it helps that he understands me

Blow a dandelion
Scattered wishes
Weedkiller breathes death upon their hopes

Wish upon
A shooting star
Destroyed debris grants nothing

Pennies in wells
Change for a wish
Leftover change in an empty case

Rabbits foot
On a chain
Hopping stops a hoping dream

Four leaf clover
Picking flowers
Wishing on the dead weeds kills

Wishbone breaking
A wish come true
One is left with a broken heart

Birthday candles
Blow, make a wish now
Burning reflections in teary eyes

A hopeless sky
Ignorant innocence
Children’s wishes turn to dust

A hopeful fairytale
Told stories of love
A broken heart reveals the truth

3/12/2019
This line is the first
And here, this is two
No matter how many times it’s been rehearsed
I can’t stop thinking of you

This is the stanza where I confess
And this is the line to prepare
In all honesty, I’m a total mess
I cannot express how much I care

Now this is the part
Where I can’t stop thinking
Of when you make me fall apart
And into your eyes I start sinking

Finally now, comes the end
A stanza, a poem, a line
Everything becomes hard to comprehend
And I can’t believe that your mine

i dont have
much poetry in me today
just a deep exhaustion
a need to rest
and hope that someday
i may

you felt
as if you were
nothing,
but look at you know...
you are everything, darling
you are everything
you've ever dreamt of being

the finding of myself:
country music and gold jewelry
the color yellow, and God

beautiful girl,
relax your shoulders
unclench your fists.
let this one go

I'm not going to write a cliche poem,
But if I was going to, I would write about,
The way your eyes hold undiscovered galaxies
That slant in a purple-blue haze over the mountains
Of which, the silhouettes dance in the horizon
And how your eyes twinkle with distant stars
That make up the constellations that spell out your name
The name that echoes through the universe and bounces back unmatched
This isn't a cliche love poem,
But if it was, the next stanza would be devoted to
The way your words flow like rivers over your lips
And spill out like a flash flood full of meaning
That drowns my doubts and fears and washes away my insecurities
And how your sentences crash into the world like a wave
As they recede back into the ocean and leave something new
While the current swirls around and changes the tides plans
This poem isn't filled with cliche metaphors,
But if it was, then I would say that
Everything you do steadies my racing heart
Your kiss lifts me up into the sky yet you hold to the ground
You hug me tighter when you know I need it
Even when I don't know that I need a hug you somehow do
Your arms lift the world from my shoulders
Even though you have a galaxy upon yours
Your hugs leave me warm with a cold spot
Of your memory wrapped around me
This is not a cliche poem
Except for the fact that it is after all

your body was built
for many more
torrential downpours
than the rainstorms
you've endured
-dance in the rain

We are a picture perfect puzzle
The picture perfect puzzle pieces
Fit from every angle
We don't have to try to make the picture perfect

what a relief it is
to see a woman
who wears my favorite shoes
walk into the office
of Madame Vice President

i love myself
isn't that poetry
enough?

I was 13 years old
One month and one day away from 14.
It was January 20, 2017.
I sat one seat to the right
of center stage center for the show
in my social studies class
My teacher sat on the left
sitting on a corner of her desk
We all looked up to the right towards the TV
I could see the tears in my teacher's eyes
I could feel them in mine.
That year we had learned about
George Washington, Alexander Hamilton
The Revolution
And somewhere, in that 13, almost 14, year old belly,
a revolution was stirring
and I became the opinionated girl in school
no one could shut me up
I am 17
One month and one day away from 18
I watched today, exactly four years later
Exactly 2 weeks after an attempted coup
Exactly 1 week after a second impeachment
tears welled in my eyes
for another reason
the end of an era,
the beginning of a new one,
The US Capitol getting it's color back
people seemed to breathe
for the first time in 4 years
I watched in awe
and what a relief it will be
to wake up tomorrow
in a brighter country.
knowing that democracy won
and that 13-
almost 14-
year old me,
would be beaming