3/18/2019
I don't know what I'm saying
This is a foreign language
It balances on the tip of my tongue
And crawls around the roof of my mouth
This is a romance language more romantic than
Spanish, or French, or Italian
This accent is startling but softer still I whisper
As you murmur sweet pieces of everything into my ear
You seem to be fluent in this language
As if love was your first spoken tongue
While I stumble over the words unable to say a simple phrase
The phrase unspoken for fear of mispronunciation
Because it's so easy to say wrong
Because vulnerability is another dialect I do not speak
Though it flows off of your tongue so easily
As if your teeth are sure of where they land
And your lips form the words that I need to hear
Even though I never knew I needed to hear them
This language that I don't speak
Comes from a country where the most beautiful people live
Where the happiest of smiles look up to the sky
Where the hearts are pure and simple and loving
But I do not come from that country
And my passport was brand new and unused
I have learned to live by myself on my own island of walls
The walls I build to keep out those who care
For I might hurt them if they came in
But you speak words that fill the cracks
And the love you give expands and breaks the wall
And you teach me this language I don't quite understand why
But you make sure that I know myself
Before I know you
Or the language
Or the world around me
You flew me to that country on an airplane made of the clouds themselves
And taught me this language that I will never forget
This language of love and happiness
This language of you and me
This language of the world as it should be

3/15/2019
To go with your instincts is what they say
But I'm just going to follow my heart
And if it leads to you at the end of the day
Then I will happily fall apart

I need to process my thoughts
But I can't stop thinking of you
My mind keeps connecting unnecessary dots
And so I don't know what to do

Your eyes, your lips, your hair and your smile
I'm melting to my own sunset of doubt
And when you walk away, my heart it will shout
I want you to stay, but you won't

3/13/2019
I had a dream
A dream I never wanted to have
A dream about my dream boy
We stood there like we always did
And he wrapped his arms around me
He hugged me and I felt happy
One thousand thoughts rushed through my head
And they all collected to one
They swirled and mixed and blended together
Until I could no longer place one from two
And then I said without purpose
With all my thoughts inside my mind
“I love you”
He pulled away from the hug
And looked at me in the eyes
He looked at me as if I was a toddler
Not strong enough to know the truth
He looked at me as if I would break
And as if he would be the one to shatter me
He looked at me as if I were the one he couldn’t keep
And he said
“Let’s talk about love…
I don’t know if I love you
But I think it’s safe to stay with like.
Love is a lot, and I don’t love you.
Not like that, not yet”
My soul was crushed and I said
“Okay”
And turned to leave him there
I stopped a second and looked at him
And he wasn’t looking back
He was never looking back
And he never looked back
At me

3/12/2019
This line is the first
And here, this is two
No matter how many times it’s been rehearsed
I can’t stop thinking of you

This is the stanza where I confess
And this is the line to prepare
In all honesty, I’m a total mess
I cannot express how much I care

Now this is the part
Where I can’t stop thinking
Of when you make me fall apart
And into your eyes I start sinking

Finally now, comes the end
A stanza, a poem, a line
Everything becomes hard to comprehend
And I can’t believe that your mine

3/11/2019
Hold my hand
Holding a whisper against my palm
Tracing my life through your fingertips
Listening and hearing from the very beds of your nails
Keeping a secret wrapped around your fingers
Intertwined with the sweet company of your voice
Biting on my nails from the nerves of your touch
Nerve endings connect to reach a secret coded love story
The same love story I've dreamed of for years
The same love poem that I've written without your name
That now, I whisper without a doubt
That you hold my hand and I see you for the first time
One hundred days go by and you hold me closer still
Fingertips on my palm, following the lines of my doubt
And trace them right back to my heart
Where they dissipate with the will of your whispers
Unearth the broken secret that my hands hold
Erase the vestige of hesitancy in my voice
And sketch scars that line my wrist, writing a story between them
Silver fingertips that line my face and drum on my heart
The beating beats of bliss against my fingers
Brushing your thumb against the side of my hand
Soothing the rocking unrest inside of me
Your hands hold mine
And cradle my palm
And everything is okay

3/10/2019
Sometimes I doubt
The undoubtable things
As if the sky is never blue
And time is never passing
Like why does he care about me?
Why does he choose me over every other girl?
Why does he only ever see me in a crowd?
My hair isn’t long like them
And I don’t have scrunchies for him to hold
I don’t have the best body
I don’t have the right curves and edges
My eyes aren’t as bright blue as some
They don’t strike you like a lightning bolt
My words don’t make sense
They just swirl into incoherent tumbles
I don’t love myself or have an ounce of confidence
I walk around wishing to live as someone else
I don’t have the most optimistic mind
My will to live is lower than the rest
I’m almost never truly happy
And when I am, I’m terrified that it will shatter
I’ve never had someone feel the same back
Because I’ve simply never been good enough
And somehow, though I am convinced of very little
He sees me as enough
And I don’t understand
But I guess it helps that he understands me

3/11/2019
My eyes are like wolves,
You say you love them
Your eyes
A silver-green fire
A moss plant
Enchanted with your words
A hazel autumn field
With sunlight beams
My hair gets in my face,
You say that it’s cute
Your hair
A perfect curly fluff
That bounces when you walk
The epitome of upbeat
The soft curl of your hair
That just floats where you are
My words are cunning and sharp
You say that they’re intelligently spoken
Your words
At exactly the right time
In the perfect order to fluster my heart
The syllables crash together in a symphony
Your voice a chorus of itself
Knowing without the need of a script
I am valuable
You say that I don’t know my true worth
Your value
Outshines the oxygen we breath
And climbs over the water we drink
You climb the mountain and still climb more
Your worth is overflowing my heart and my mind
Losing you would be losing alot more than a person