its all just waiting to fall
it's a castle built on sand
waiting for high tide
it's all tipped toward the precipice
you sit in your chair
and you don't understand
how close the madness is
it looms in every temptation
places bets on every fight
pulls at you
drags you under
the girl is gone
the money is gone
not that it was ever here
but the madness looms
closer now closer now
let that tide wash you
into the sea
let it fall
it says
let it all come undone
she's gone she's gone
she's never coming back
think about it
all those other guys
think
their hands their breath
their teeth
she's never coming back
but I'm here, my friend
I'm here
you can't sleep
you're pulling out your hair
up every night
staring holes into
the plaster
but I'm here, my friend
consuming you
ripping open every atom
of your being
screaming
balling up in your fists
until one night you're
drunk and
you're crazed with
it all
and you'll be everything
you never wanted to be
standing alone in the room
spinning without movement
eyes wide and bleary
someone walks in
asks what's wrong
what will you say?
what will you do?

you deserve this

Golden pulse grew on the shore,
Ferns along the hill,
And the red cliff roses bore
Bees to drink their fill;

Bees that from the meadows bring
Wine of melilot,
Honey-sups on golden wing
To the garden grot.

But to me, neglected flower,
Phaon will not see,
Passion brings no crowning hour,
Honey nor the bee.

I lie awake at night, my mind wandering,

What am I doing with my life?

I feel so useless.

Pointless.

I envy those around me, those who know exactly what they want, and how to get it.

I've never been that kind of girl, the girl who has a plan for her life.

I spent 5 years in college, with nothing to show.

Except for an expensive piece of paper.

Worthless

Me, or that expensive piece of paper, I'm not sure which.

I'm floating, aimlessly through life.

I wish I could be handed a roadmap of my own life.

I need direction, desperately.

Give me a **sign.

trembling hands
and cold fingers
longing for something
to hold on to.

the thought of you
runs through my veins
every now and then.

but eventually
it all fade.

the vivid image
of beautiful memories
of yesterday.

like scattered papers
and shattered glasses.
no one wants them back.

not me.

not even you.

now crumbled hopes are
held in my palms
waiting to be buried
in the snowy grave
on a cold dead winter.

may the ghost
of you
be gone
forever.

Drinking from the fountain as the distant shadows pour
Remnants of a feeling that has passed beyond the trees
Leaves amass in piles of an amber flavored tint
Engulfing all that I can now conform myself to see

Shaded in the mystery that wraps about your smile
Clinging to the aftermath that still has yet to flow
Reaching for the volume titled “anywhere but here”
Drunk within the answers that my heart is soon to know

In a splash the difference does wash my pleading skin
Cleansing in the daylight dance of silence on the square
Marching bands so far away yet cymbals break the sound
Tempo’d to my nightly dreams that always find you there

In of every morning as the words jump from the screen
Waiting on a sandy beach this cup of flavored grins
Beckoning my tired eyes to wake before the sight
As a new day breathes a sigh and once more does begin

Your voice was soft and there was something about your disposition that could just lull me to sleep. It’s not because you were boring, hell I could listen to you for hours.

No, you were gentle with every word that you spoke almost as if you were tiptoeing around the harness in this world. You candy coated it for me, almost like you were protecting me from something.

I remember the night I met you, the second you gazed upon me with those pool-blue eyes, was the moment my heart started play a soft concerto of love.

It hasn’t stopped since. You were the muse to the melody of every step I took. And in the first month that

I knew you, I was born again.

I dragged my feet on the sidewalk every night I went to get a cup of coffee. Along the way I’d coach myself.

My insomniac ways needed to learn to take in the night air with each stride, allow my chest to beat with all that I feel.

Every day is a new day and so is the moon, and just maybe you could teach me how to fly because baby you make my heart sing.

For each night that dragged me out just so that my drooping eyes could find something sweeter to look at than the cold air above my bed.

Each and every night that I’d find you again in that that coffee shop window, my heart composed a new tune.

I swear by now, my body has created an infinite number of songs for you.

One night, I said that my love for you shined brighter than the solar system and spanned wider than the universe.

I guess my cliché cosmonaut tendencies rubbed off on you because you asked me if I ever wanted to travel to the moon. And I said that I’d only do it with you by my side.

That was the night that I knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you.

But bend and break comes hand in hand with eve and flow.

Bind my soul to everything I crave then toss me aside like I’m nothing.

There’s something about this silence. It sends chills through my entire body.

The fear of being alone strung through the back of my brain. Leaving my head caught in a whirlwind of thoughts, a warpath of emotions.

That’s what you did to me.

Leaving every fiber of my being screaming for help, red tunnel vision in sight. Screaming, but with no audible words.

You played with heartstrings, turning my vital organs in to sick love puppets.

The butterflies that rage in the pit of my stomach suffocating me as they crowd the back of my throat.

Our love was like a thunderstorm, two fronts clashing, composing a volatile connection that sent everyone running.

You knew the rain was coming and so did I. I was a fool to think that you would stay, but I was enchanted by your soul. Put under a spell by those swimming pool blue eyes.

I loved you, and in return you taught me the greatest lesson in life. Don’t love someone, it hurts too much.