He kissed me
& it was as if my heart quit
Bc I knew then
Life couldn't go on
Without him

is that it?
no.

sometimes
the script is already written.
sometimes it's ad lib.

I'm so busy settling
That I missed the chance
To explore
This land I've been told of
Something called freedom to love

Everyone hopped on the boat
Eager to make their way
Away from settling ways
I couldn't help but wonder why I was settling..
Breaking ground for a man
Who wouldn't even plant the seed

My body lay dormant
As he proceeds
To settle on top of mine
I was settling again..
Why am I settling?

I asked him if I could make way
To extended parts of this ground
I had broke, solely myself
He said no
Continue to work as you have been
We're not finished
But where was the he in we?
It's all been me..

I settled again today
The news of expectance has been given to me
But not us
He said it is neither the time nor the place
Get rid of it
I settled for his theory..
Maybe he was right
So I settled to give up motherhood

I settled today
I was lain comfortably in this satin lined coffin
I Settled comfortably in the ground
I settled in this darkness
Because even after life
Death is matter of settling

I shiver
Your touch no longer warms my soul
It's more comparable to the winter of '14
When even looking out the windows
Made you familiar with the ice outside
                     I hate
The fact I no longer feel safe
I can't confide my secrets in you
I can't even say I love you
Because that gives you a power
You'll most likely abuse
                      I blame
Your absent mother for your lack of love
I came into your life
And you expected me to save you
But I couldn't even save myself..
                      I apologize
That even though your to blame
I was always too timid to stand
Against your rigid ways
So maybe it's my fault

Maybe I just didn't love hard enough.