My world is minimalistic
but my mind is significantly infinite

Verdant land with one blue river curved in two spots
dual array
to unravel my worst convolution

To ease the long lasting existential blurriness in which I’ve lived
and for many important reasons.

but returning to the starting point I’ve found art in doing nothing
Only ordinary things
like loving and being loved.
Striding across pages of my future autobiographical books
about nothingness.
Because it’s the softest and most adequate form of art to have been made

half past eight

summer evening

Perfect backyard wooden table in some place away from here
abstruse nostalgia written in grapheme
and circular shape of my ripened mind..

Could these reflections symbolize the freedom I’ve been chasing
and in the end found in

Long trips to balmy beaches in the front seat of my car

all these things disarrayed on paper plains
one meandering river
vast misplaced ocean
Holy Mind

never been called a charismatic storyteller under a disco ball
When the wind was rapid
or when the seas were calm
it was nothing extraordinary peaceful weather ivies growing down
white carpet laid in the midpoint of my floor.
My poetry grew sky high starting new close to the ground
Therefore my Wiжa was an ideal outro to the sleepless nights
and knowing everyone has changed.

If this is art
then I live for it.

After all i limn the same thing

Something between
present
and absent

Something surreal accessing the greatest kingdom
assessing the ways
to battle obstructions.

and most importantly to locate those Arcadian rampant lands
where every word spoken turns gold

LB

or the visible border between the dream and dreamful reality

Alluding to my nearest past I’d like to make all my words clear
in grapheme
summertime
Dual mind

Many upper decisions to abide by afterwards when the sun elevates
Perfect thoughts picnic table in the wild
Soft
like
a lullaby
..

Racing down the drive against my developing thoughts
I’m the artist always both blue yellow painting metaphor
Out of context time for breather meditation brought to life
made to be an encourager
to exceed your scheduled mind.

Get your stuff now
go outside
greet the moon welcome the dark

Unattached to miracle that has been known and reiterated
to grow
yet no vain prayer of theirs never went real
in daylight on paper
or the ominous world of eternal dawn
truck on highway ordered coffee
moving fast not stopping by
never listening to the others
Always dual perhaps I may never
live way another.

Why I wonder?
good question indeed
to grasp tightly onto solid panels symmetrically laid in castles
atop hills
high & powerful

Mind both places taken places
clovers highways blue normally
Stretching long monday till sunday
one big highway
headed one way.

Your warm embrace is the sweetest melody,
a perfect cure for my natural malady,
the desired land,
the lighthouse,
the verve born from being in your hands reach,
be here forever,

keep my photosynthesis going,
you are the softest piano ballad made,
you are the air,
an exotic butterfly,
which I caught with a casual bug net,
on my meadow,
by the lake,

I caught you once,
I won’t lose you easily,
grasping you tightly like you’re all I have,

and I don’t have much on mind lately,
I just daydream,

heaven comes down after sunrise,
on the bigger patio,
oranges,
coffee,
and bread.

New Everything is laid forward
the Sun or her gleam
My world or my Moon

My well known truth is layered in my subtext
like my poems
that I wrote to maintain a universal state
or unconsidered decisions
However I emptied the ashtray and planted a wildflower instead
wearing the warm coat of summer.

Chambré aura
everything is disowned nowadays

My heart belongs to my belief
that despite my tarnished fame my greatest subtext may be pictured in frame
but who needs spotlight
No one fears facing the pre-written truth.
My heart will beat
in American
cause my dualist or perhaps even collage of art in purity is navigating
To somewhere calm
somewhere where I would finally feel like home.

To be real maybe even
get lost in the unsubstantial madness
on my Venice *****
in where I am now
In the sweet modified by planets dark
hovering between paradise and the ark
Soothing to this point
that I can call myself
an American.

Cards tossed well
bewitched to nowness
synonymously in the northern west to Roswell I reside
Laurel Canyon cast life is veined in music you get high to
no doubt along the way
or decay
autumn has passed and swiped all forms of grief away.
I wanted an ornament so I bought me eight
for me to debate
about my vogue or the way I walk
and hope
and love
To find an odd one out in process unchained
only because my next stop on the lunar highway is to
burgeon in peace in subtle light
Discard liabilities
fronting mirrored me
proudly wearing fine filigree.

Pick me up from the gardens,
I’m sweet enough,
and ready to become wine,

I left my soul in California,
I grew up overnight for my gardener,
in wait for a better life,

turn me into wine,
Laurel Canyon psychedelic life bored me,
so I went out on the PCH,

I did it all for you gardener,

I did it for us,

it’s hard to change overnight,
enter a room filled with light,
goodbye ultraviolet,
now I can be found mainly outside,

this story was supposed to be chaotic,
but I changed overnight,
it was hard but I succeeded,

I grew on dry soil,
but my fruits are upper class,

everything is possible,
I did it - I believed it,

now expect from me:

a box sent all the way from Arizona,
dose of sweetness without cover,
just enough for all my lovers.

Basically what I wanted to write down I had in my head,
but when it comes to you,
it’s fleeting,
like a thunderbird,

it feels good to say,
you have not your favorite park or radio station,
but your favorite person,
and that person is you,

but you can’t lose me like your car keys,
with that heart-shaped charm I gave you,
I won’t burn out like gasoline in your car,
even though I feel I burnt out long ago,
the roadless,
New York,
Topanga,
no matter where you take me,
your car keys fit in my heart’s lock
and I can’t do nothing about it,
the night,
the day,
my head,
no matter when you take me,
I’m hung up on you
and I like it,

it was like a lightning strike,
momentary,
however spectacular,
love is my working tool and poetry’s the playground,
I don’t know if I still love you,
but I will because I like it,

like a thunderbird,
like lightning,

and I like it.

Exquisite perihelion
foreshadowing the perfect arrangement
for my destiny
Those thoughts float and travel inside your chameleon mind complexly raveled
quiet hideout under gravel
soil so fertile in blooming mind a reborn human reigning for life.
No foreign content to seek
as your mind wanders deep
along beaches gold when lit no worthier task is equivalent to me
or in your kitchen
in summer morning with windows opened
accessed the sublime state of gazing mind forward into skies of vermillion
smell of cinnamon.

To leave no flaring questions unanswered yet spoken
in ordinarity the word power is hidden
enveloped and
with a red stamp attached

With a good reason stated
confirmed but not openly expressed therefore expected
to be publicly inverted
two miles deeper than silence like dust that has gathered
on chandeliers
true gold and crystals of
Some unknown matter
resistant to shatter
Condensed like gravel
And raveled
like an oddly minded chameleon
Lifelong goal
To answer questions
smell of cinnamon.

I think about Cindy when our laser sights meet
at some point in space,
what’s so victorious about you I wonder,
Venus,
three poems are enough to express your lack of knowledge about me,

I look out of my car window but this time it is the real thing,
which I’ve been anticipating,
turn the purple lights on like on the set director,
learn to be a potent factor,
I don’t open up about homemade allegories,
lasers meet,
at one point,

I storage arcane sketches in remote places and your mind unfamiliar,
you paint and paint,
when we both evidently know you’ve mistaken everything about me,
you know very little about me,
but you found my weak spot like through laser vision,

you’re different than my other girls,
you find a use in it like the greatest individual philosopher,

you don’t accept advices directly through mail, but through air,
through the light like an enduring beam
of purple light,
it started with Violet,

you are just something else.

new life,
new summer,
new lover,
new love song,
i’m aware it’s wrong but i sing along anyway,
now that i’ve found someone two times better,
geometrically,
and just overall,
it’s a summertime thing but i sing along anyway,
shortly i’m about to move away
like a yacht on a wave,
headed towards a lighthouse.

Oh God,
it hurt like **** when I saw you downtown,
just why,
was I in the right place and the right time?

turns out the finish line can run as agile as you,
you chase,
you race,
you have a goal which keeps going away,
you waste
your time,
but that is fine,
because it’s better to bloom forever,
then become a flower and go dry,
the following day,

I try not to cover the sky with those illusions,
so I go and lie on the beach,
(on three beaches)
and when I’m not,
I wear my earphones in my garden,
Norman ******* Rockwell! is playing,
the sun is descending,
sinking at a pace,
with a purpose,
in style,
just exactly how I live,
how I rip calendar pages off,
thinking how well days go by,
in my forever quiet town,
aside from the city lights,
where I bloom peacefully,
without pursuit,
expecting nothing from tomorrow.

7 colors ricochet off of me like a windshield
I'm opaque but I embody them all.
I have dreams
colorful dreams that seem too good to be true
but life without dreaming is not worth living for.
And of course, I have you, my love
You, who I return home for and who I think of when I'm away, cause thinking of anything other than true love is not worth thinking of.

And alas - there's the outside world
that stretches out from behind our dome we thrive under
Our home.
To sound more dramatic - our only home.

You see, you can't build a dominant civilization like Babylon on quicksand - the heavier your bricks are, the faster they'll sink in there.
What the world is lacking right now is a magical touch of a rainbow's end.
And as long as you let the chromatic river run majestically through your barren land
vibrant events are certain to happen - it makes absolute sense.

7 colors make my soul

Red like lipstick
like the sky is over lively beaches on balmy summer evenings where locals gather to watch the sunset.
Red like strawberries on gingham blankets.
And I cherish moments like these
nothing I have to do. Nowhere I have to be now.
No. Just the red sky to photograph and to post to Instagram.

Orange like caramel
like that one latte I used to buy on my way back from work.
It reminded me of someone I thought I loved.
And when I tasted it with delight I thought that was what your kiss must have tasted like
Sweet and expensive.
Turned out I was looking for love in the wrong coffee cups.
I watched skies roll forth and clouds hold hands
I've always been the sweet type
I found the correct cup
in the end.

Yellow like dandelions in spring, when me and my baby first met.
As a child I enjoyed blowing them, making my very own tiny blizzard of seeds on light wind.
And I miss my early days when all I had to do was run around and play and say good morning to neighbors in my beloved apartment complex.
Argue with friends over Halloween candy and video games or which type of prank phone call should we do next.
The world we knew was beautiful - but it was oblivion.
And a little oblivion never hurt no one.
To this day, just like yellow flowers I come to life in spring.

Green like nature
symbolizing the undying goodness in me.
As a Sagittarius - I possess a soft heart offering room for souls seeking solace in cold streets.
It's just written in my nature.
And your nature is something that you can't reshape.
I look for a place where all my traits are nothing like madness
nothing out of this world - nothing not humanlike.
I deserve love - like everyone else on Earth.
And freedom with equality - that's why I keep supporting BLM and LGBT - because my nature sprouts vivid and green and after all I believe in the goodness within a person.

Blue like the Pacific
like cloudless skies stained with chemtrails
Blue like the Baltic Sea humming the same old soothing melody as I arrive on the pier
I come here for no reason - I do it for free.
I don't imagine a life without traveling to the sea and then making my way down the wooden steps leading to the beach and feeling the grains of sand under my feet.
There's things in life that mean so much but cost nothing.

Indigo like evenings in fall
the mythical dream realm which I dive entirely into, hoping for a better tomorrow.
Indigo like the charming mist surrounding me in my decisive hour and leading me on to the right path.
You see, life is actually beyond the abstract grasp of horoscopes and the real magic occurs when you forge who you are in a made-up universe under homemade stars.
And when you remember that nothing happens for a reason.

Violet like amethyst
must be one of the most beautiful crystals to exist.
I collect gems and stones and other fascinating things that I stumbled upon over the years.
I collect memories and turn them into something sweet in case they're bitter
I feel like to be happy is to sweeten what lacks sweet.
Find not just postcards but people, not bystanders but lovers
Make a legacy that you should be proud to show the world.
And to bring what you loved most to eternity.

7 colors make me who I am

And who I am is a hellbent dreamer looking for wonderland, with my mind made up and convictions written with my fingers on moist sand,
that will shortly be erased by the waves
rolling back and forth.
But I still hold them tightly in my mind - and compared to the unfair nature of life and cruelty of individuals, mind is a powerful force.

That's the story
nothing to cross out or add.
7 colors make me
and I couldn't be more proud.

Red roses were in your hair as a part of a flowery crown,
make something up,
my original aesthetic,
novel love life,

she said ‘become a poem’ so I became a poem,
voltage free,
no one speaks,
I express microscopic feelings and make them into twisted stories,

keep Twitter memories,
I love you for some reason so I visit you frequently,
not in the form of angel neither demon down on Earth,
but through meta connection,

false rejection,
come back to Brooklyn,

Discord Love,
growing in me on school benches,
medallion craved by time,
as the stars were dashing in not equal tempos,

I love my alter ego,
I love you,
and the mystic gate I kept locked is halfway opened for the world,
a week apart,

but I won’t take another step,

not just yet.

Live in color
Leave one hue
be repetitive if you want to

See your contrast
Sea of hues
feel your own divergence too

Be the greatest to love the first to holler and leave
quit everything
and take a road to California reasonless

stay behind familiar walls of all feelable feelings
bad subtexts
Watch over your perfumed shoulder

Love your loved
for a week or two
or eight months

Be a gypsy for Maxwell Steele and my forced fantasy
of ending fortnight
To my ascending syzygial guru
and modern arts.

For better
four of my addressees
on the telephone wavelength alas

Scene not for me
Seen fantastical things
Now let me stay home for a day

I don’t wanna dance anymore

I have multitudes
spread throughout me asymmetrically
eyes of 3 shades
leveled as if portrayed vertically
sunshine captured in them deep
oceanic blue sky lit by lightnings cloudless open airy & free
lonely writer
wired to a chosen scheme
reinvented blissfully
Morning calm another day of resting under apple trees

troublesome ways awoken by no cost
transits rule the world - including all those created by me
scene of april
By the fortress nowhere lying near to a brand new land formed
-down my Ravine
where the meandering valley stops-
(and starts running later on)
Lonely writer in shallow love
eyes deep
trust in the transit

Although so frantic no place is vile to sit
rethink
or overthink...

Anyway - I have strong faith in my destiny
I obey
all the glitter wisdom and great glory
of it - and all its closest surroundings.

u ought to know
In times when the dull winter sun descends behind the skyline
and it darkens progressively
crazy fast as if sped up
I try to find a brighter light in those green eyes of yours
find calm amidst thunderclouds miniature thunderstorms
and inhale the magic orbiting you like a handmade universe so perfect
so quintessential
that I don’t mind being in love
with your eyes
your auburn hair
and extraterrestrial reputation.

But as I said:
I don’t mind being blue nor rosy
next to u
The reason for this staged adventure across galaxies is true
I love u
for the fun of it
I don’t need u
but keep u close to my shoulder as if I was orbiting u
As a planet - in your handmade universe - in your emerald eyes - in my sober mind.

I am the poet in big need and
captivated
by ur olive green vividly glistening eyes
which fit my fractured consistency unattached from everyone
ur hair gold like fallen leaves in fall
a celestial archer from Orion
areas of thinking I have for an armor
against unwanted corruption-
u have things i wanna gain
in the future
distant but plain

Evenings come
it darkens now
I see summer in your sweet eyes
I feel bliss empowerment magic midnight lit by fire
you create
Masterfully

And the things you do to me
make no sense
why I stay?
Simple answer:
you are the perfect bartender to align with to become something what’s larger
to move forward with u
or without u
doesn’t matter.

Epic story to be written past boring beginnings later
after everything has happened
nonchalant and happy after.
Lonely lover
favorite poet
writing with ur hands narrative
To acknowledge my true thoughts
roaming through my unpaired visually eyes
To remember that I love you
for forever
when u leave i’ll live in peace
somewhere in the deep of my
sweet overpoetic mind.

Freed me from scheme
not by their alleged surfacing collusion
sunlight and violet grapes atop the old piano with florals shining
windows uncovered
Wide smile I’m unbothered

It was a normal party
three eighth obscured at noon
Second hand antique luxury of the anteriorly badass queens
ruling their badlands in rosemary crowns equivalent twins
Music loud Subterranean witchcraft
swaying between the prototype and old shaft
Legends last forever

at the finale of the ridgy pathway that’s meandering in waves

ivory necklace unobtainable by bare slightly exuberant hands

But straight up feral imagination no civilian could afford
You just have to be alone
to create art for real
You must have faith in artistic spirits roaming the soarable tunnels
all the monsters from underneath your bed
They’ve happened before
You used to breathe prior
Now you’re reborn and haunting two zones

i should just contain myself and focus on my mesmerizing nowness
Which I described badly in two novels
Not perceiving the veiled pleasure of longness
I call
ad fontes
My font is great vibes my worksheet is the oldest
taken and patented I have legacy not ominous
No fog as an aura following the unlucky and rejoice that they holler

I love you hard
I crave my statue of granite but white
Flawless here not yet existing in preview thoughts
ride along 405 extant in moss
That’s how many concepts I carry
but Before I move on

remember to reach

  once years start to pass
I’ll be both places at once.

New track,
new car,
I switch them like lovers and can’t find the one which satisfies me,
less obstacles could mean lesser danger but I go and never think,

new track,
new love,
I contain two secret poets living deep inside me,
changes only force me to collapse which denies my great density,
I don’t fall apart,
not anymore,

or at least not as much as I was doing some years ago,
the aircraft landed,
tanked,
and flew to space,

new track,
new expression,
I fix myself every day progressively,

I came in hotly like Dorian,
I’ll leave like John Wayne.

The sun won’t go down today,
summertime flows in my veins,
endless like a cup of green tea,
soothing like ocean sounds,
majestic like a wildflower,
this is truly the only way to live,

and I thought:
this is the objective of my life,
keep close what keeps me alive,

the coldness in me left,
but soon it will return to me,
like a boomerang,
like hope,
which I let go, caught and lost again,
but the poetry of my heartbeat is warm enough to keep me safe,
from coldness,
from darkness,
from sadness,
may it be summertime every day,

back to business but without Venus,
you’ve hurt me enough,
back to Hollywood with a new mind:
cleansed,
warm,
and kept alive,

in the warmth of summertime,
pinnacle,
prime,
ground forever stable,
water forever flowing,
greenery forever green,

old menacing forecast turned into a joke,
survival into a game for children,
happiness into casual eternity,
and summertime is forever.

May this summer embody the greatest things in life
be a piano ballad melody familiar and sound divine
Glimmering reservoir
and sunflower petals gold
reflecting rays of vivid light appearing from above.

The main gist of my widely spread efforts was to glorify my big wish
Beyond wishfulness
originating in my quiet emblem of earth-like misty shades
Wings to fly
Voice to speak
complexity laid firm just to bespeak.
May this vogue of living melodically in this celestial madness stay
divine metaphor
and one melody I replay.
In the similar place underneath lush green leaves hung
like a model of our universe.
I’m the archer of stars
on my cluttered veranda I lay
Nimbus fluffy cover above my hips it feels like July young never late
you and I
two stranded satellites meet after the thriving odyssey in arts
Your grandeur and solid dignity
uttered perfection
In personal style of anterior architecture
Remember one short sentence:

Stay where you are
may your heavens emerge

recently i learned
strawberries and cherries taste
so sweet together

i will let the waves move me,
like a letter in a bottle,
dedicated to a proper person,
waiting in the destined land,

i will float towards someone,
like an odd papyrus scroll,
someone who can decipher
the writings on my soul,

and push me past the horizon.

The rains left,
I left
you in North Carolina,

I recall my debutant days from three years ago,
the dew on the tall grass,
the primordial architecture which bloomed into a real empire,

nothing expired,
we are older,
better,
and never the same,

as soon as I return home I’ll set sail to The Neighboring Island,
from the absent dock just yet,
off my old home,

I will redo everything it takes
to recover you from the abandoned script,
I went too far,
literally, baby, too far,

and I went even further when it comes to moving away from you,
past the thriving all year long tropical zone,

I moved to the second island,
then I left with the rains,

but I heard they’ve returned,
so have I,

in North Carolina, where all life was born,
not forgetting the better try,
which I took in the legit way,
intended,

no timer,
we’re set free.

You stand still on my freshly drawn painting
happy ice cream Ibiza sunbathing
away again derailed during the late ending
bars were bending
you escaping
like a beam of laser or perhaps a wave of low frequency
into nothing but an anthill
into dark abysses blackening
That was the deepest I’ve dived into poetry
while standing strong on paper like an aphonic waiter
missing bedrocks freer plain mind
inner amity measurement waving hello in your new life
like a guest
an observer
Paraphrase all matter
everything sky high and deep indigo being
Make your world original
and get your name written into the universe’s journal
as the most poetic individual
whose world was as black as the very first few seconds of existence
only air no ground to stand on
find yourself an alternate orbit in a different time
different space respectively
Turn your mind into a fountain pen later into the legendary fountain of life
Invent exuberance
Invert antic meanings
become a planet afterwards a distinct universe
You and your paling blue crystallized eyes
You have a roughly designed past
arbitrarily by him himself
Find a lover
get a pen
Soon another
world may end.

Not moving forever is pretty boring,
so I left the dock,
on my new boat,
I went off to the unknown,

I woke up in the middle of the night and it was also the middle of the summer,
I thought about how many lies I’ve cooked up to make me a stable passage,
then I went out on the balcony,
and gazed into the vastest lake,
and the pinnacle inverted by nature,

and in that moment I thought about that time I gave up right by the summit,
how I said ‘**** it’ and hit your name in my contacts book,
and stared at the calling screen,
and told you to get me back home,
which you did later,

I got back inside and made me some tea in which I saw my reflection,
then the clock struck 2am,
and I thought about that night when I was obsessed with you like crazy,
and how it turned the signs on all the roads by 180 degrees,
all trains derailed,
all communication was lost with the outside world like in a catastrophic movie,
the cinematic slideshow finished,
I got back to bed,

and then in my dream I saw myself reaching the summit which I gave up on,
I climbed it,
left a flag,
and floated towards the clouds like a cleansed angel who has fallen for a reason,
hopefully karma did its thing,
and now I can start like new,

after the day I do all of this in real life,
that’s on my to-do list.

the movie finished baby,
if i don’t move on now,
then i will never move on,
rockwell,
rock well,
been daydreaming in a parallel world on a nonexistent beach,
in roswell,
sipping gently on lemonade served in a fine glass cup,
if you rock then rock well,
suddenly it was the night,
then the day came,
and i was evolving all that time,
i was growing beautifully like an orchid,
but life got boring,
and i realised,
if i don’t stop fearing change now,
then i will never grow fully,

it’s only a matter of time,
every caterpillar turns into a butterfly,

it’s just a matter of time, love.

I sailed in the silent waters of the noir movie type of sea,
and this thought occurred to me from the far distance behind,
why drive away in the night when you can go out with a bang,

say what you want,
but don’t call me your friend,

how to avoid drama when the scenery is meant for it?
different settings?
might work with you but not with me,
I’ve been modified by those who had no skill in it after all,

I almost left,
caught the train but exited on the next station,
the only thing that keeps me here is probably nostalgia about Venus,
because that was the biggest love of my life,
but I had to let go,
then I found someone two times better exploring downtown bars,
but I let go for safety reasons,

I’ll stay, but sometimes I really want to taste a different alignment of stars,
leave the neighborhood in the middle of the quietest night,
and go down to California with nothing by my side,
far away from everything,

but most importantly from you.

All the districts of the valley point one way when reunited
interfering wholly in our mankind
self esteem was fulfilled
One daily poem mastered. Another one was started
then I’ve checked my horoscope
and vehemently made a turn
just to crash into a field of lavenders soft like chartreuse
Reimagining my long term goals
since I’ve fallen down from heaven before
made a point set prior to recolor
Me.
And now amity gained its spirit
when each subject foregathered
into one big major plan to chase you down and keep like Summer
in my eyes joyful and oversaturated no filter anything.
Key in ignition full speed I’m intellectually lit
hot to the touch agleam alternatively
I assess this alignment
so I tend to be me

one year later we returned to the beach where we stayed for the summer
the breeze felt familiar and those wooden steps made the same sound when i walked down them
they were now part of my life
i booked the same hotel room since i love returning to the good things in my past
just like i keep returning to u my love
but u live rent free in my mind
fragile is my heart when the closest stars align
a year after u and i’ve now less reasons to cry
hardened is my art
i reverted to blonde
mi amor
baltimore...

am i old enough to leave home?
i’m a snowflake in march, i’m not ready to go
i’m soft like a rosebud
my tastebuds crave salt of the sea
one year from now things may look different
u might not be as integral to me
i might run like a flower into land where i’d be
something u’ve never allowed me

will i hold onto my letters?
will i ever forget what we had?
i should’ve known better than to hope all the letters i sent from overseas
would someday become
my national anthem

I like to smell bellflowers in Bellflower, California.
I love the hilltops over Glendale and Mount Hollywood Drive.
Like myself I love them.
I fantasize about highways and neck kisses in the night
Being driven blindfolded to a spot in Griffith Park
Get me out and lead me wherever you want

I dream a bunch of airplanes, but this isn’t JFK
But I don’t dream of oceans nor the ones who tried to drown me screaming help
You brought me to a different beach and as I came out all sandy
I showered it off in the motel and had you on top with your chain dangling
But when I killed the light
I didn’t dream of anything bad.
I didn’t hear waves rolling in my subconsciousness or feel the smoothness of my hands
I felt lucky that this happened to me
not necessary happy, but if I grow to cherish roadtrips like this, we’ll go again and I’ll end up laughing on our way home.
Listen to my favorite record
or a song stuck in your head.

For now I’m lying face up thinking
before I find happiness I gotta embrace my sadness.
Like she did.

Nothing’s prettier than that smile,
on the face of someone you love,
and it was drawn by you,

nothing’s prettier than that smile,
no manmade crayon can draw,
but the truest love of yours,

be the first who drew one on mine,
the time is up but who cares,

what’s the fun in a life lesson?
long gone,
you are hard not to think about,

why am I writing another love poem about the same lover?
because I never get enough,
it goes over and over,

Hollywood,
Gone By Daylight,

then I find someone new and get attached,
hoping we disconnect,

new stars to colonize,
and new lands to explore,
one day I love you,
one day I don’t,
you will forever be a part of me,

the moon was clear,
like the change between us,

wooden like R and its guardian,
I don’t conduct electricity,
nice try though,

I only hope one day I will find someone who will be worth
being hung up on all my lifetime,

afterlife too.

A colorful life,
something I’ve never known before,
only the shades of blue,
which can get repetitive after a while,
but one day I found you,
and you painted me wholly in yellow,
like the rising sun is
between palm trees in Montana Ave,
Santa Monica sunrise,

you’ve done so many things sweetie,

you replaced the wallpaper on my soul’s walls with a new one,
turning the landscape behind my window into an oil painting,
it’s because of you N.,
you brought new hues into my boring world,

and you know what?

I was wondering lately how would I look like if I were a painting done by you,
I’d probably be writing poetry on my sunbed,
and in the distance there would be the sun going to bed,
but I wouldn’t be gone by moonlight,
I’d maybe bathe in the cool water after dark,
so many places where I would possibly be,
and all those things I would do,

and it all thanks to you.

You hypocrite,
you were talking **** all day and you almost said you love me,
kind of ironic,
because that’s what I wanted to tell you for ages before,

I am what I am,
I’m see-through in my mirror,
which I call the sparkling sextant with the view of the sea,
hidden beauty for V.I.P.,
(that means no one),

you are see-through like glass,
even your brown eyes,

you’re closer to the sun than I am in astronomy,
it has effects honey,
you are who you are and now I know it,
after I said I love you in vain,

whatever,

let me finish what I’ve started in early 2018,
which is enhancing the worst in me,
so I become top tier being,

something you think you are but you’ve never loved someone,
like I loved you,
and you just don’t know

anything.

we
Aries moon children
moonbathe partly civilian
seeking home off urbanized empires
in handmade utopian isles
sunlit all night ironically to others
digging quarries by borders
to find our reasons
why we are ourselves.

because we
Children of winter
We resist coldness wilting happily
not enough time in a year to grow on gardening soil unluckily
Purposefully living
Purposeless at doom
meaningless tale told by her Moon
we dance in flames
of cool.

White yacht parties techno music Bacardi
pillow cries?

Never in my life Never in our lives
Never moonlit all the time never sad exceptionally burnt out white hot we stay
Crumbled empire
Crumpled pages on fire
beautiful at last wild freely flying
to admirers

Being a poet residing on past dry and needy now I’m alive
Now the night is bright
they and their friends would be a group of nimbi high
Looking for their maker
always busy always out of earshot living multiple lives cause they
befriended town bartenders

Valentine
faking opulence still ahead of our time
elusive for our children’s lifetime by far
Vault which is a quarry
Open sky
still we’ve never learned to fly
we just stay collected and firm
Forever seeking gold of the prism
In the glistening eyes of people
We are who we are in the end
deeply designed precisely made
Aries
Marina bay
Taking inspiration from sweetish breeze air
crying happily on parchment all day
We could fly high as sky
but we’ll just stay right there.

I borrowed personality from the perfect girl in school,
in my biggest year,
the most eventful for sure,

I was on a self-set mission,
caustic and cold like the last friendly winter,
to the goal,
never backwards,

unsatisfied never afterwards,
born to win,
snap of the two bosses after the titanium aura vanished like a weak spell,
legacy ruined,

no place to sit peacefully and dream like during a starry night,
the tale is over,
legacy ******,

but it’s what made me a stronger person that I wanted to be,
ever since I met you K.,
your eyes had something mine were missing,

and I’ve heard you’re still around,
the walls emit power
of the holy turtle of the far east,
swiftly as a turtle dove on the light breeze,

I’m awoken once and for all,
fate didn’t want me to rule one kingdom forever,

so I sat on my hands,
though the world is an endless thing,

unholy thing,

let me walk in style through new walls like the best new king,

I inherit personality from the best girl in my dreams.

i belong to the beach
when i leave the house it’s my first occurring thought to go there
it might be the air that’s alluring me
or the waves which i love to watch crash
but thinking on a more spiritual level- it’s the deep sea that speaks to my soul
the big blue
the equivalence of my endless contemplation about life and what it consists of
for me- it’s all about love

this is the part when questions rise

who am i?
nobody’s first gossip call pick
dreamer without a real life
unsure if the soil i’m standing on won’t collapse under the weight of my thoughts
they’re dense and chaotic at times but the sea is chaotic too and it’s beautiful
after all i’m a beautiful person forever lost like a message in a drifting bottle
like a sweet love song that no one ever got to sing or hear
like a seashell of warm colors whose wanderlust is infinite
alas its horizon finite

who am i?
a metaphorical sailor steering his yacht for lifetime
who thought he’s seen it all
i thought i had all it takes to make it
but it takes confidence, determination and good instinct to survive in this world
but all i have is love
i’m human- i have a heart in my chest
i have feelings to cater and needs to meet
i used to desire millions and sports cars on a posh brick parking lot
a modern house hanging from a cliff with a nice view of the churning sea
and a wide balcony so i could spread my arms and catch the wind
feel like a sailor as free and wild as i thought i could be
now i just wanna belong to someone
i wanna be held like no one ever
i want my salty tears to be caught before they drop on my bed or sweater
i’d rather be forgotten than remembered for my broken dreams
if i had to live alone again i’d just rather disappear

vanish
in the waves
in the overwhelming heat of august
i dive in deep but return to the coast in the end
like a fragile seashell that i am

i get halfway undressed
i leave my favorite shoes pointed south
leave my loose flannel shirt on cause i’m not confident enough to go without
i forget the deafening burden and i forget the cursed clout
in the sea foam i look for me
i walk slowly towards the sea
till half of my body is in water and the other half in reverie
and then u come in
and everything goes the way i wanted it
i love u
i love ur wet hair
and how ur eyes reflect the sun
and i love the way u smile
and i need u here
i need ur guidance and kindness
otherwise i can’t be the real me

questions sink in quicksand
i’m as free as i can imagine

i belong to the music
to my all time favorite songs which i play and which i sing to feel free
to knock the weight off my shoulders
and i can’t even sing that well but i do it for me
i’m nobody known but i feel like a demigod on a lit stage
everyone is cheering for me
it’s all so perfect that’s it’s no wonder why i love to dream
and why i loathe reality
why am i stuck in this stupid country where i have to pretend i’m someone else?
i wanna break out
i wanna love u out loud
without having to check if someone’s looking over my shoulder
or spying on me
i wanna have real dreams not those that won’t come true
i want delusions to escape into the circulating air
my dreams stack till they reach the ceiling and there’s no room anywhere

so let me dream
let me live **** fantasy
if that’s all a tainted dreamer ever gets
i wanna be free and loved and respected and not declined on every step
i just wanna matter
i yearn for these things

what is the biggest dream of them all?
flying free?
it’s just about being loved

who is the king of my heart?
i’d say i am but i need to be lead through each and every dark tunnel
that i unawarely enter half awake
my boat is wooden and amateur and i’m still scared of drowning
in the vast sea of my troubled mind which is non-stop churning
crazily and frantically
and not leaving me alone
i am the one steering but i need a navigator
i need a lighthouse for a destination
i need a better sense of eight directions
i need to catch the wind in my sails if i want to swim away
i have a bad reputation
at least i can say i’m not afraid to drop everything and vanish
in the waves
in the warmth of summer
how can i be forgotten when everybody knows my name?

but after all
i belong to u
i’d give everything i have and i don’t have much to be with u
i want u to know
i did an unexpected one hundred eighty turn some time ago
i dyed my hair black in protest against what kept me submissive to my men
i hijacked a fancy boat and i took the wheel i’ve always dreamed to steer
and there i am
it’s a ****** that u can’t be here
i sent u a letter
did u open it?

did u feel my desperation on ur face like a gust of wind?
do u know u are the boat keeping me from drowning in this sea?
the present memory
the mirrored image of me in my true nature

captain
i’m condemned to sail for eternity
i’m afraid of what’s lurking in these waters and it’s killing me
protect me
people tell me i’ve come far but never ask if i ever wanted it
and they think i’m strong
but i’m nothing more than a waning flame in the open wind when i’m alone
i need my king
i’m thirsty for safety
i desire peace
two kings make a perfect kingdom so come to me and join me
and show me the way
teach me when to stay silent and when i can’t what to say
when to move and when to stop and where to go and what to avoid
i’m a realist
and i won’t make it on my own
i won’t cross this sea by myself
it’s giant but not as big as my love and that’s the last bit of hope i have

i belong to the beach
to the music
to someone i love
i have a purpose now and it’s the most valuable thing i’ve got

i have love
i have it
i love u
king of my heart

Stay cool with yourself
never with the dynamically developing globe
backwards

I must have finally learned to have a stoic mind
since I’m moving through needy concepts in line
Melrose Avenue
step higher but first wisely choose the goal

Don’t climb to heavens intoxicated or else you might fall
let go of your role and forget the scenario

Just be who you are
Just do what you do

I own an ancient mind which is beheld occasionally through celluloid
grainy paper rock solid dance floor
I write and it’s here

Be yourself
Do your thing

Live your life
Or your dream

Caretake the estate of yours away from the burdensome business
never clarify lines of ink dark thoughts requested
but compare yourself to your future form which has yet to be revealed

But that not on the worldwide scene
given the opportunity to

You choose your future now
because your past chose you

And you became an extravagantly beautiful poet taken from
the purest blackness
to your lover’s arms in one lunatic degree tick

Now

Forget all your deadlines underneath long sleeves
and paper circles of the night
It all has been planned you just have to remember

You select your path
Single never dual

Forget people you want to forget
Bring end to this masquerade

Make people and me happy simultaneously?
Ha-Ha-Ha

I tried to stay cool I can say the least.

thoughts mismanaged
blue stream across your page is dried out
flora molten air dense in the previous chapter
Resistance
and vulnerability
Your two natural satellites you keep for a reason until season in which
You come alive

You come to one after shattering
go out on evenings to your favorite alley unorganized to this time
did time for money
you had your oasis happy time
you were unbelievably happy
May my lust for living never waver upon the tropical flow
may it maintain obsidian stability
with its roots planted deep
seeking water afterwards ambrosia I wish I could pour all over me
Now I have a reason to be

Not for you
Not for them
But for me

but before I say ich liebe dich
May my vigor never wither under promised sycamore trees
in the dream you created we directed
against everyone’s will
Moon is rising
I’m in heaven
I’m in your arms
Light as feather

Live for living
Lust for being
just to write down your intentions
later burn them if you wish to

Moon was rising
dressed in vigor
and then
the moon had rose.

Drifting in this unprecedented feeling
of dreamlike quality
My ocean in a bottle sweetness and fantasy fused into completeness
My philosophical creation vital and at peak

you warm me up like firelight

You have unaffected power potted flower of chaos bewildering
Greatness taken to the higher level
as if all that ever fascinated me has never taken place.
No one has ever spoken.
in such calm tone as you in my wilting hours in victorian beginnings
Tracking down the summer
through translucent covers to my deepest self enlightened

No sea will be flown in valediction
exceptionally beatific charming waves caused to move by change
Northern West
you flawlessly being flawless
chained spiritually arbitrarily and accepted
Capital of summertime bliss
firelight

Deflagrating mightly
madly from kilometers away apathy influenced by poetic manners
Taken to hyper speed and mindset of purity repeating in warm waves
No ocean world generated in polar areas
not even coldness of the night
Nothing fancy never took place

You warm me up
you’re my firelight

traveling down the moonlit passage,
by the bushes,
by the bus stop,
there was a lantern,
travelling through one big meander,
in the darkness,
in my hometown,
i kissed happiness,

and ever since, i’m in a state of mind,
i am levitating,
i am haunting,
i have my purpose,
and ever since, i alter my own world,
with no pressure,
with no difficulty,
i’m feeling happiness.

Amina, he works for Wilhemina.
Amina, we’re almost at the end.
He comes from Argentina, I only want him when I think of the man who doesn’t love me.
I’m just a ****** to you, but to me you’re as integral as oxygen.
Amina, he loves me when they hate me.
Amina, we’re so real for this.
He’s from the Philippines, sexts me from overseas, helps me **** time.
I’ll send him nudes but won’t tell my sign, cause we’re not meant to be together.
I don’t know if I’m there yet, Amina, I’m a ****** to you, but you love me at least.
When the man who doesn’t love me wants me I’ll be there for him every time of night and day,
but for now I’ll be sexting my thoughts away with Latinos that don’t even know my name.
Sad but beautiful.
Beautiful but sad.
I wanna go back to Las Vegas.
Take a swim in Silver Lake.
I wanna do something fun.
Amina, he works for Wilhemina.
Amina, we’re almost at the end.
He listens when I feel unheard.
I’ve still got things to say.
Don’t text me on weekends cause I have nothing on my mind.
I only want you when I’m lonely, I only feel like I want a boyfriend when I hit rock bottom, when I realize no one loves me.
He comes from Mexico, I go incognito and I watch him shake his ***.
I’m done with the sad boy ****.
This is my last collection before I get a boyfriend.
Amina, he works for Wilhemina.
Amina, he loves me when I’m worthless.
Sadly beautiful
Beautifully sad
I mean nothing to him, but he gives me more than the man who doesn’t love me.
It’s what keeps me from crying these days.
There’s nothing else for me to say.
Amina, we’re here.

Macadamias, argans, coconuts are what I bathe in, Voice Memoing my thoughts, future poetry.
Bathwater hot like Hades's breath
love or die by the hot
My eyes blue like Neptune yet sweet like a honeycomb
and the thoughts that don't stop coming linger
like a superb plot.

Unkillable but sleeping with a gun.
Intrepid but afraid of rearview mirrors
in deserted parking lots.

I left Alanya and drove opposite of Konakli a week after the fires invaded.
I thought I was going to die.
I went to Lake Salda where it wasn’t raining ash
Sick of the red skies
and the AC that I so loved.
I ran away from smoke clouds and I didn't wanna go back.
But what's evil lingered
and so did hope.

I left Alanya and never went to Konakli
I saw the epicenter of wildfires in my county
but never the flames.
The flames saw me.

The desolation haunted me
Didn't buy a single martini
And the ash in the water bugged me
but what could I have done? do not ask me
On the bright side the sun couldn't burn me

And finally
I flew home leaving flames and havoc behind me
Speaking mildly
I thought I wasn't gonna come back.
One lesson I've learned
is as simple as that:
What's evil lingers
and so does hope.

You are flaring
wild cherry wild mustang wild thoughts

My mindfulness and sun of winter
Home in space
opposite of lost
breathing poem I’ve discovered and rewrote in simpler language
World of fiction
only dream to chase

creator without a reason
with one confounding vision
capturing the moon the stars and evenings outside limbo
Rocks between these
Life is sweet and thriving in sunlight
and in reach.

But who I search for is a varying answer
I seek peace
decisions after

I narrate my voice gets quieter

I hush up my mind grows vaster

Carry this life with no questioning no asking
in moon valleys
planned metropolis
Whereas my destinesia wilts in springs where stars have shattered
into billions of pieces which dashed to the cosmos again
discovering newer clusters spellbind.

But I am here with you merely
you are my favorite reason
situated

In the core of my poetry
in the gold point
eccentricity
Touch of your electricity
Mind of yours a lukewarm ocean
You yourself:

I M A G I N A T I O N

It takes nothing from me to feel like a housewife reclined in front of TV
reading a book I’ve read a hundred times before with the hum of stupid shows in the back of my aching head in the afternoons.
Because it took much from me to realize that the right thing to do when the world is burning
is to sunbathe by the fire that it’s breathing.
And not to give it a second thought.

During my period of self bravery I've lost more than I've gained materialistically
to make it up - I've discovered new traits that had been slumbering deep within me
and what I’m most proud of is that I've learned how to think realistically.

And whatever controversial you do
should not be given a second thought

Because having lost connection with the control tower and cruising in the thunderclouds
I came to understand that the world cleansed from everyone’s buzz
is quiet and pure, like a tulip garden - serene like driving home down from Tulsa.
So in conclusion, when a fruit is sour, it may not be the only fruit in the orchard
same if the road is boarded up there is always some way to go around.
And all the early drives to work
coffee sipping on the parking lot
local radio blaring in the rush hour
to keep my mind at bay from God
things that ruin you should not be given a second thought.

I’m alienated
but I can’t stand withering pinned to a spot

I’m alienated
but I never gave it a second thought

Do things
u wanna do
Meant not for judgement and hidden from view
Displayed on islands
like Malibu
after all you stay loyal to your paramount value
not fearing the blue
or the revenant

Aiming for the skies’ ceiling
and hoping they’d fall down

Uprose from the deep like Rose and her sins
moved downhill
In the language of mine I think I’m closer to thee
when it dims down slowly
I become my own oeuvre craved by timeless hands native
A prerogative
which empowered me to seek sense deep down into the way
I live

Nurturing vigorously my petrified heart on the wild
thaw on the outskirts of true love
One in a billion shielded with a dome of lovers
Moon kind
Moon lover
I missed the big chance to adjust another
I do all I love
and hide in the dark
To truly thrive
I’m the only moon’s child.

Somewhere off the coast of Maine they caught a lobster that was blue and the odds of that happening were lower than me finding love that’s true.
When will be my time?
When will I get found?
Do I wanna get found?
Ask myself this very important question.

Got a list of things to improve to make myself beautiful, I do have some things I’ve left to do to make myself visible
to men.
Men with rigid fishing nets on wooden watertight ships, others sticking out their heads, but I’m still elusive
to them.
Catch me if you dare, can’t promise I won’t slip away.

I’m not feeling beautiful and I’m real hard to catch.
I’m feeling exceptional, but not necessarily rare.
I’m not feeling lovable, I got a list of things I’d change.
Don’t you get accustomed to me, you won’t see him again.
Unless…

Unless you come to the shallow estuary I’m in right now, place me in your palm and lift me out of the water like the most fragile thing.
Do me the honor of being your boyfriend.
I can make wonders happen if you let me make you happy.
I have good intentions but also bad encounters in my past.
If you do me the honor of being my boyfriend I can bring new meaning to blue.
Make it no longer a color of sadness but pride of my rarity.
I have magic in my name, water in my blue eyes.
Get me to love me and love me, boy, show me how.

Don’t just say I’m beautiful, but make me believe it.
Don’t make me beautiful, make me a believer.
I’ve been feeling blue and there’s nothing rare about it.
Make me feel exceptional, a blue lobster.
Don’t pour sea foam into my eyes and maybe you’ll catch me.
Don’t gaslight me, elucidate me instead.
I’ve been hiding in deep blue waters where no one could find me.
But deep down I dreamed of the surface.

Make me believe
Teach me about pride
Do me the honor of being yours
Catch me if you can
Give me reasons to stay
Teach me about love and I’ll do you the honor of being yours
and I’ll finally feel proud to be blue.
Love me and get me to love me.

once upon a dream i stayed at a beach apartment complex
i went in sore and tender
i was coiled like a snake or a salamander in fresh linen
w white angel wings that never got me anywhere
like a faulty angel
but on that day in particular
it was hotter than ever

is there any affliction the sea water can’t cure
i have a headache from the sun
i feel hot standing next to u
i feel hotter lying in bed w u
i squint my eyes and submerge in the mesmerizing blue
like fluid glitter luring me closer as a siren
Odysseus finding his home in nowhere
i go in w u
bb u saved my life

i’m carefree but i think of everyone devoured by their own sea of mind
i contemplate all the time
and i wish i could’ve told u that i love u sooner

Esther, don’t chase rocks beckoning u from deep waters or u’ll hit rock bottom
Esther, i love u, u matter
u can’t just give in to the noir waves of the ocean as it won’t make anyone gladder

Susan, i’ll never forget u
i’m beyond grateful but i had to go on
people gossiped i was crazy for clinging to my own truth and i don’t regret it
if they don’t get it they can *******
i lost my zone of comfort in the name of love and i’m proud
i shouted out what had to be said and i never thought of letting go of ur hand
and i hardly ever shout
nobody gets to write ur story or change ur beautiful mind
i’m beyond happy i got to be the one to tell u this
bb i saved ur life

i can’t keep my eyes neither hands off of u
hold u tightly like i held Benjamin in summer of 2018 and spring of 2020
breathing in aloe vera in a sanctuary
a hundred dollar face tattooed on me
highlighting my worth that i can’t always see
don’t go
i won’t let go of u
promise u won’t let go of urself or of me or i’ll fall
and there won’t be anyone to catch me anymore

i can’t do it without u
won’t go for a swim without u
i’m afraid i may not find my way back if i go or ever find u

once upon real life i stayed at a beach apartment complex
i went out pure and happy
it was a beautiful dreaming session
like an ideal tropical vacation, honeymooning forever
every night felt like a sojourn in paradise
i was swimming in pearl white linen but it felt like i was swimming in a sea
i was hugging my pillow but it felt like i was holding the most beautiful person i’ve seen

I wear my heirlooms
on nights like these
Let the cool night air overflow my bedroom
acute senses
tensions rising
doorbell ringing
sirens blasting
the air weighs on my shoulders like a thousand jets
the people are hustling
but I borne havoc and glass dreams amidst chaos everlasting

Murdered by my dreams once
and left in a garbage bag
on the side of a road
which I once ran
down
to
the stars

Sunset Strip sun at zenith
moon at nadir; void was elsewhere
Lit sublimely was anywhere you laid your experimental sight
and visions shaped well.
Four seasons perfectly placed and played well by me
Two contrasting convictions of unmelted iron
One star you bow to

her appearance coruscating in the way stars do
may or may not
her power influence you ⭐️

Capturing the wave of unmet sweetness impassibly
I embraced my surrounding chaos of two thousand colors
and locked in my eyesight
Migrated to heavens
my most superior notion pocketed
library left in order.
So when I return home I would make me a cup of coffee
and rewrite my previous paragraph
in a finer style.

Peak at nadir
Depth at zenith

Rotation of partly delusory values each direct and contradicting
everything about them is odd
and apart being.

easily misunderstood
Not so often read correctly or found good

Peak at zenith
Depth at nadir
Deepness culminating brightly
meeting context treading on the clouded land of new age forging
Where the ripples crash carefully and the sky is clear as diamond
one lover you bow to
one melody you hum
On the phone with makeup on in summer young vivid and hot

Eyes of gold

What is happiness I ask myself
lying lightly minded on a blanket during mid summer
as the radio’s playing my favorite record at maximum volume
at the time I recover?
Or maybe waking up blessed with everlasting verve which I’m still seeking
in the winter
world.

Is that called happiness?

Is one coloristically consistent painting capturing crashing waves
enough for one complete organized day?
I wonder too often and it expands my vintage wooden bridges to further lands
not malevolent but requiring to be understood fully to traverse through
lands green not Valle De La Luna
mind happy now everything is clear as a teardrop sent by a semi-angelic creature
this is happiness I’m assuming.

But is that really happiness I can’t stop asking myself
Or a temporary thing which occurs due to deep blue
surface auroras
laid in patterns strawberry scented and gleaming in the deep
of the five star hotel swimming pools
strawberry lingerie parties moonbathing too
laid like lit by warm lanterns brick avenues
beauty I can’t resist
or catch otherwise withstand.

Somehow I can fully describe it with the smallest details included
I don’t have a bijou bungalow located by the Rodeo Drive
I don’t have a girl whose waving mind could synchronize with mine
but I have happiness or something like that.

There’s a guy, let’s call him Anton.
He fell in love with someone he’s never ever seen.
And that guy, he sought the reason.
A guy who won’t hurt you is one you’ll never ever meet.
The guy, he overstayed it at the château.
He’s afraid he’s someone that he will never ever be.
And what he did was find his reason.
Now he aviates asleep like they never ever dreamed.

I’m waking up from my dream.
And it took place in the clouds.
I’m getting nearer.
I got that feeling.
My ETA’s now, never ever been this near.
Bound to an airport, one I’ll never ever leave.

Do they hurt me or is it I that deals the damage?
Am I hurting them out of fear of being hurt first?
Now I’m contemplating over an ocean of clouds.
My eyes shut, letting the winds direct me to the end.

It went like that:

One night I was in a room
Lying on a bed and to myself and he entered like he knew
Reached his hand over to me
I was hellbent
On clamming up and being left be
He insisted I gave him a chance
And one he got
I think I fell in love
But I don’t mind as he won’t break my heart
Cause now he’s gone.
Another night I fell asleep
There was a guy right next to me
Handing me paper scraps, watching me
I said “Speak it aloud, set it free”
He confided in me
Gravitated real close to me
Our souls collided in a kiss
And some white lies to solidify it, the once upon a dream connection
It reappeared, the sound of a lock dropping, it was real, it was heartstopping.
Later came the disconnection.
It felt like waking up from a dream, one I wished I’ll never ever see end.
I’d let him fix my heart but it’s already on the mend.
Question is, what will it give me, knowing when to say when.
This taking off, it’s all I have until I wake up before the flight ends.
The third, he was familiar in a room of familiarity and family function ****
No thought to be over-processed, he was touching me, real tangibly
Laying over me
Gifted me a word of kindness but missed the point entirely
A shot in the dark, a spark in the heart.
I didn’t inspect nearby looks, I just listened on.
And so I hope I see him again in a couple years
I don’t know if I will
What I know is that it ends before it begins.
Like backstage romances and post-show kisses or Singapore hotel love affairs, I dreamed that too.
Patrick’s came too soon into my life to make the fourth switch.
A Judas french kiss, I’ve been over that too.
I don’t dance to his own music, I just like him cause he’s cute.
Another night of many I was over it
Already picturing gas price meters and 7/11s, cigarette smoke and rubbing fingertips
Steady with a baby but as in romance
Pending if I must admit, but tangible in a sense
When he was just in my head and not in my bed
Cause I had it all on lockdown
But I was still at passport control, anticipation had me losing control
I keep waking up before I land
To see the hills again I’d do god knows what
But I got some other plans
Got a boyfriend in Mexico, would die if he let me go
Got my daughter figure at home
I can’t exactly make amends
Or demands, each’s a far cry though
I’m bound for an airport and I’m Anton now
I don’t worry about anything at my best
I’m running to get the bag
Money to fly me west
Not to outrun the wolves with hearts laced onto their spiked black collars
racing to bite me in the *** for having the fruit I’ve sown rot
I never wanted to be vindictive, for what’s it really worth.
But somebody’s gotta be the bad guy.
Aim to escape this trance, it ends
It’s gotta have a horizon
New York, September 24th, 2024?
I’ve waited so long, think I’m going for numero dos
I broke up with my boyfriend for someone just as bad
But it lead me to my next, I need to give him more attention
I listen to him talk in Spanish, pretend he’s not so far away
4 months elapsed like steam
I’d do it all again
I wanna make it up to him for loving him as a replacement for Jack ******* Daniels
But what is distance gonna do?
What’s the ocean’s threat to drown?
I don’t fear thunderclouds as I cross them.
I don’t care, cause really I’m not there.
It’s just a dream, one I’m in, but I’m waking up.
Don’t matter if I like it or not.
One isn’t enough, I need more.
Remember, September 24th.
Hope my problems vanish by the third quarter of 2024.
That’s when the flight ends.
That’s when I’m all yours.