you talk through your laughter;
you barely complete your sentences
it's raucous, rich, and resounding,
uncontainable, unstoppable, unforgettable
it goes bursting out without a warning

and sometimes tears are there, too:
the kind that makes me laugh, too,
and when i do, it's due to the joy
of being there to see you laugh:
a sight, a sound, a grounding
that makes being here worth it

and your laugh comes from your belly
and your heart is there, too
and i like to think your heart is what makes
your laugh so sonorous

and when i'm downstairs and you're up
and i can hear your laughter from the other side of the house
i can't not smile, too, and come join you
because there's this gold treasure bursting out
and i'm too selfish to let it pass without witnessing it

there is too much good there
it floods through every room
and whether i want it or not
whether i'm in a good mood or not
whether i'm playing "what's the point" or not
it wets my feet
and i'm a boy in a waterpark, skipping through the splash pads

you do that for me
your smile, your laugh, your joy
it's infectious
they're my favorite part of living with you

I step out my front door
and I meet the flood
He is everywhere and waiting
debating and contemplating
new ways to pressure me

I swim out to my car
and I've made it
the destination, far
and the flood is ready to pounce
"How can we squeeze out his every ounce?"

Relentless, he pushes down on me
Unceasing, he presses my heart
In the closed system
the blood in the ****** feedback loop
pulses and pushes boundaries
trying to escape my restricting veins

The flood breathes out
He centers his weight
on my ventricles, my veins
and I am stunned
unable to move
unable to think

A perfect juxtaposition
of stillness and movement

I try to move but the flood falls harder
I try to breathe but the water fills my lungs

I am beneath everything

The flood's name is expectation
it preys to break my faith and
It wins every time
And every time it wins
I breathe shorter
I breathe faster

My body aches
embodied lackluster