I am made for you, woman
of substance: finest cut
sheer in silk to fit my
chic lady of style.

Short sleeves
or long:  
smooth me
press me
wear me.

In chill and cold
let me cling
around your
curvy contours
close and tight.

In noon-day heat
free me
unbuttoned
hanging loose
to cool you.

Drench me in  fragrance
caress my soft collar
then gently discard  me
plunging me deep
into soft soapy foam.

TOBIAS

Royal baby Charlotte! Why the fuss?
What’s she ever done for us?
Half the nation’s  overweight.  Zounds!
She’s already piling on the pounds.

Alas!  Great-Grand-Queen-Mother Lizzie,
is not around to order up  the fizzie.
Hushabye!  Like RIP Backstairs Billy, true,
Nanny will be always there for you.  

Food banks you will never know.
Nor will you shop in Lidl or Tesco.
Still, there will always be a queue
of eager suitors lining up for you.

So sleep pretty  babe - don’t frown,
in future you might wear a crown.
But, just for now, a wee white bonnet:
HER ROYAL HIGHNESS  knitted  neatly on it.

TOBIAS

The last time
I was in Italy
I went into a
Florence barber's
shop for a shampoo.
The assistant enquired
where I came from?
I told him - “Ireland.”
When he  asked me
for my name?
I said "Tim O'Taye."

“Prega signor,
Tell me yours!”
I asked.
He replied -
"Alberto Balsam!"

TOBIAS

Weary, lost and hungry
a traveller came to an inn.
Under the sign of
“The George & Dragon”
he enquired at an open window:
“Could I have something to
eat please?”
“No!” said the landlady
“We’re closed!”

“Well, could I have a bed
for the night?”
“Certainly not!
Go away!”

Thus rebuffed
the traveller
waited for a while,
then called again:
“Could I speak to George
this time please?”

TOBIAS

And God created Woman.
And she was good.
And she had two arms,
two legs, and three *******.

God asked Woman
what she would like
to have changed about herself?
And she asked for her
middle breast to be removed.

God removed her middle breast.
And it was good.

She stood there with
her third breast in her
hand and asked God
what should be done
with this useless ****?.....

Then God created Man.

TOBIAS

Homeless:  after midnight.  
               Sheltered in this cold
               church  doorway.
               I can hear a clock
               ticking  in  its tower.
              
               Rustling  leaves, tossed  
               along  wet pavement
               in a callous wind sound  
               like approaching footsteps.
              
               In  famished  sleep  
               I dream  of  former  glory.
               Me.  A celebrity.
               Yeah!  – Big Time.
              
               All I  have  now
               are  fading echoes
               of  cheering crowds.
               Some comfort.
              
               The applause dies.  
               I awake: alone with
               sounds.  A  clock ticking.
               Leaf  blown  footsteps.
               A  cheerless wind.  
                                                         ­                   
               TOBIAS

Like Lazarus, I sat on
The Mansion House steps:
a citizen of  The City
gave me the bus fare
to St. John’s, Waterloo.
Underground I dived.

Surfaced and sheltered
by the church portico
I learned that a beggar
is nothing more than
the passive recipient
of a stranger’s kindness.

When I was hungry
you gave me food;
water when thirsty.
My clothes were gifted,
shelter you found for me.
Kind were  your words.

For these comforts
I lift up my hands
no longer in distress
but benediction:
gifting as poor return
all that you gave to me.

Blessed are the Merciful,
for they will receive Mercy.
Deo Gratias!

Tony Brady