i can't help but wonder where all this time has gone.

i miss your buttercups and bluebirds
the way your rain falls warm on my skin
and how your sun lights the longest day.

come back to me
come back to me.

forgive me--
i am still coming home to myself
still sorting through the darkest parts.
some days i seem wild, restless,
and you may not understand me.
some days i am afraid to move, to live,
and it may be hard to love me.
remember i too am still learning to love
the pieces that don't fit together,
the cracks in me that aren't filled with gold.
on days when i cannot smile,
forgive me.

my mind forgets the sun
the rain pours down into my bones
filling every crack
with fog carrying in
every mistake from the last three years
i don't remember what was beautiful
everything is lost
everything is lost

i wish fall had never left-
when it goes it takes everything.
thirty two candles for thirty two years
will i ever see the third.
if i go now it will be on my own terms.
find this and remember that i loved you-
and know that you always tried.

the cold wind calls my name and i am tired now
lay me out with flowers
and dream of the children we could have had.

The inevitable end
A life lived but not well enough
A love not bright enough
A girl not strong enough

six years
we kissed there for the first time

how could you, how could i
a story rewritten
over and over and over.
blue skies spread out over our hands
and i see how you have carried me
three years
the weight of that, clouds so thick
i held my breath to make it through.
where is the sun on the other side
the warmth on my skin,
crying like summer rain
come and gone and bright again.
why was there no music played for us.

six years
i felt everything one hundred miles away
can you remember still
the green in my eyes
the snow that mixed the colors
that came later in the fall
before the cold

how can i, how can you
i dreamt of you tracing my scars
that you would never leave
and i would always stay
the hope of a life well lived-
i hear you laugh and it is everything.

"how we get older, how we forget about each other
entwined within the sadder of days."