the fragments of my heart that are fused with yours-

the parts that make me love summer rain
and mourn for fall's last golden leaves.

the parts too heavy for our chest to hold,
sewn into our skin-
this is why we feel sick.
why we cry over nothing. why we fear. why we dread
the coming of morning. the new beginning that will never be that,
only lonely.
apathy carried in with evening's shadows,
the last light that always fades.

billions of stars and somehow our eyes hold the same ones,
telling the same stories. of love, and loss. and growing older.

i break
and slowly fall
your fingers resting, silent
playing piano on my bones
who am i to wish for anything more
than this.
love born of strife and regret.
the days have taken their toll.

the winter sits heavier now
stealing breaths that summer gave
we were too young, too soon
i took what i could not keep.

i watched you burning but did nothing.
rain fell around you and i captured it all
leaving you to turn to ash.

i wish that my bones were made of glass
so that you could see my heart
filled with only good intentions.

i would burn the whole sky to keep you.
capture the moon and cage it
using the light as a torch to find your eyes
glowing like stars in the black days that surround you.

the earth sways in winds
to which i have lost my mind and
all of my possessions
tides pull me from my sleep and
i can think of nothing else.
a dream of you carries me somewhere else.
to a place where the sun rises and never falls,
where my eyes never need rest,
the dark never captures me again.

i laid awake last night
telling you why i'm afraid of the sun.
afraid that one day it's going to implode and **** all of us,
or worse,
leave me burning in a nightmare that i never believed in
clawing and crying to find a way out
but there isn't one.

i thought that i was brave.
standing as tall as the sky
arms going up and up
for what felt like forever.
my whole life laid out
everything that i ever wanted
close enough to see but not reach
and in the blink of an eye
it's all gone
smoke and ashes filling my lungs
my eyes dripping blood
bones breaking and burning away

god came and i looked away.
i hope you take his hand.

the rain falls and the sun leaves
my great big blue sky
is gone and i can't remember
what it's like to smile

i was everything and nothing to you
i can never erase the things i did
the roads i took are still paved with
every decision
every regret
i can never rebuild
the bridges i burned


do you believe me
when i tell you i want to go back?

i wish that i could touch you now
hold your cold, blue heart
until it beats again.


i can't fix
i can't fix anything.

tired of comparing myself to
your past lovers
my friends
or girls on the street.
she always has what i never will
a younger face
a brighter smile
hair that curls perfectly
falling down past her shoulders
where she carries every little thing
so delicately, in perfect balance
while i am here
hiding from the world
wrapped in blankets and regret.