How can I say I love you
If I cause you so much pain
What a selfish person
I'm beginning to portray
I never meant my heart
To fall in love with you
But it has and how to stop it
I haven’t got a clue
I know you don’t believe
That soul mates exist
But I can’t help wonder
What if this is it
I'm drawn to you like a magnet
I just can’t stay away
So now I have to say I’m sorry
I don’t know what else to say.

I put my hand out the window
wave after wave of summer air
rolling under and over my finger tips
dipping up and down with the unseen current

You sing along, under your breath,
to the song on the radio
your feet in brown socks
propped up on the dash

Your arm is around my shoulder
and we drive through the clear night
my head leaning closer to your shoulder
as we turn down the dirt road to your house

The crack and pop of gravel
under the wheels of the car
punctuated by the crack of limbs
randomly strewing across the drive

We park and turn the car off;
I lean into you, the warmth of your arm
drawing me in as your lips touch
the crown of my head

I kick my feet out the window
laying back against your chest
and we rest in this manner
knowing that, soon, this night must come to an end.

The spider, dropping down from twig,
Unfolds a plan of her devising,
A thin premeditated rig
To use in rising.

And all that journey down through space,
In cool descent and loyal hearted,
She spins a ladder to the place
From where she started.

Thus I, gone forth as spiders do
In spider's web a truth discerning,
Attach one silken thread to you
For my returning.

A waif on this earth,
Sick, ugly and small,
Contemned from my birth
And rejected by all,
From my lips broke a cry,
Such as anguish may wring,
Sing, — said God in reply,
Chant poor little thing.


By Wealth's coach besmeared
With dirt in a shower,
Insulted and jeered
By the minions of power,
Where — oh where shall I fly?
Who comfort will bring?
Sing, — said God in reply,
Chant poor little thing.


Life struck me with fright —
Full of chances and pain,
So I hugged with delight
The drudge's hard chain;
One must eat, — yet I die,
Like a bird with clipped wing,
Sing — said God in reply,
Chant poor little thing.


Love cheered for a while
My morn with his ray,
But like a ripple or smile
My youth passed away.
Now near Beauty I sigh,
But fled is the spring!
Sing — said God in reply,
Chant poor little thing.


All men have a task,
And to sing is my lot —
No meed from men I ask
But one kindly thought.
My vocation is high —
'Mid the glasses that ring,
Still — still comes that reply,
Chant poor little thing.

I died once,
just to see what it was like
(it doesn’t matter how,
so I won’t bother saying)
my curiosity had bested me
and so I did what I had to
in order to see

Like Thomas,
my dying eyes were flooded
by white mice and roses,
all in constant motion as my
eyelids finally shut
although the darkness had
embraced me absolutely,
a kind of clairvoyance
unknown to me picked me
up and swept me away
still blind, I found my footing
and I waited
and waited

Silently, a light broke above me,
falling thickly onto my shoulders
like condensed milk
and then, from somewhere
a voice spoke, tragic and booming:

“YOU’RE EARLY.”

I winced at the reverberations
echoing into nothingness
I couldn’t muster any reply
beyond a half-trembling shrug

There was a quick snap,
and the peculiar feeling of standing
on a trapdoor that’s about to drop
and, at last, I was back;
returned to my mortal coil,
gulping breaths of air
cold and deep and new

He was a tall man, six-foot-three.
He was broken; a bad family.

I will fix you, I promised.
I will love you, I pledged.

                                                       ­  She was a glimmer, a light.
                                                         She would deliver me from night.

                                                         I will treat you, I promised.
                                                       ­  I will love you, I pledged.


                   But broken men don't make caring lovers,
        and she had not learned about peoples' layers or covers.


                                                       ­  Don't touch me..
                                                         Don't TOUCH ME!


He had cowered in the corner, below the bread.
Later, I wished he had hit me instead.

                                                       ­                                    
                                                         This hurt could not be        
                                                         forgiven.
                                                       ­  Her once beautiful glimmer will
                                                         now only cause my derision.

                                                      ­   Her confession of that other man,
                                                         my friend's obsession.
                                                      ­   Her crying tears, LIES;
                                                         her hands attempts to console my
                                                         fears.

I begged for forgiveness;
it had come out wrong.
I sank to the kitchen floor,
his rejection too strong.


                            But this wouldn't be the last,
             there are only so many times a heart can recast.


                        What's going on...?
                        Why is she crying?..!


An angel came.


                        My crying child.


                                                        ­ A demon came.


My angel caressed me, held me;
I shouldn't despair.


                                                      ­   A demon encompassed her, held
                                                         her;
                                                         she was impaired.


                        I had felt this coming, I should have prepared.
                        That was the last night that I had cared.


When I should have left you...


                        She should leave him.


                                                         When you left me...


I had tried to explain...
but he won't listen Momma.
He wont let me touch him...
I didn't do anything wrong.

My breaking heart took comfort in her.
The minutes becoming an angry blur.                


                        How dare you..                                                       
                        She was trying to protect you.
                        You should be mad at him!


                                                         She LIED to me!


                        She never lied to you.
                        Without him you have no roof,
                        now you have no where to go.


                                                         Blinded by the broken pieces in
                                                         me.
                                                         I relapsed and found that I could
                                                          n­ow see.

                                                         My glimmer had only withheld
                                                        ­ that of which I could not have
                                                         quelled.

                                                       ­  Will you forgive me?


                        I let her go and silently prayed
                        that this incident would be heavily weighed.

                        That their obvious imperfections
                        would no longer prelude the needed corrections.
                        

Hold me.


                        She outstretched her arms
                        and that was it, as if there was no need for my alarms.


                    But that is what the foolishly in love do
      they forgive the unacceptable and settle for 'I love you."