Here's the thing,
I remember when I thought no one would ever. Love me.
How could they? I was afraid of being loved.
I felt unworthy because I "wasn't that great".
I felt like there was something wrong with people if they wanted me.
Did they have a past? Were they crazy? Up to no good? How could they want me?
It wasn't until I met this guy.
He was different. He saw me for being the goofy girl I seemed to be.
He allowed me to leave those thoughts and find joy in being liked.
Weeks turned into months and then years.
Now we are hunting for our first apartment!
I- the one who was "undesirable" have found a good one. And he's cute!
I can't believe it. Maybe it is true.
That you must suffer in order to understand and appreciate the pleasures in life.
And here's the thing...
I am loved.

It's been 5 years since you turned the page
But the pain doesn't fade away

I remember when you laid still in bed
Looking out the window

Eyeing the sun
As it began to fade

When you wouldn't eat
Because your tummy ached

When you held yourself
When no one else would

You looked ok
How could anyone know

That you cried each night
And felt so alone

No one thought you were hurting
You looked so strong

I'm glad you're still here
I know it's been hard throughout the years

One day I swear you'll forget the pain
You'll have so much to share

You'll get there oneday

It’s like wanting a home
Somewhere to call my own
But knowing it won’t happen
The bridges are burned

It’s feeling lucky
To have shelter
But knowing it’s not
Gonna last forever

It’s feeling uneased
When counting the months
Thinking I am too lucky
When will my luck turn

It’s seeing your goals
They are so near
God let me reach them
Before they are gone

It’s being compassionate
Wanting to help others
Knowing how desperation
Can be so unkind

It’s feeling alone
Yet forcing a smile  
Because sadness is constant
Learning to mask it

I envy them
Because I’m on the outside
I look in at them
Happy and united
I eat alone
For the most part
I looked for safety
To leave that place
It wasn’t a choice
Now I’m alone
Looking in at them
I miss belonging
Being part of a family
I never get invited
To Christmas or Thanksgiving
Or any gatherings
I miss it
I see them happy
They never call or even text me
I tried for years
No one would reply me
Then one day I stopped
Choosing my sanity
It wasn’t my fault
To be bullied
Or the way they struck me
I've come a long way
The feeling in my chest has left
I use to squeeze it
To make the feeling disappear
But I stand alone
Much better than I did 3 years ago
I can smile and feel more whole
Time slowly heals
The scars slowly go

Here I am
A nurse to be
Doing this for myself
But for the man who created me

He molded me from his long work days
To playing soccer after the sun would set
He showed me what it meant
To work for my dreams

From rising above racist targeting
My dad had an accent
This didn't make him less
Than you and me  

His mind is strong and full of qualities
That racism can't see
Because it blinds those who believe

I am a product of a man
With an accent different from you and me
But I am stronger
From the battles he faught
To give me my dream

There's this feeling...
Inside my chest
Happiness and joy
It fills the void

I like it  
Pounding beneath my hand  
So loud and bold
Don't ever go

Whenever I see his face
It comes alive
Everyone please, I'm in love!

It's him. He's the one
Inside my chest
I found my feeling
The person I love

Everything seemed to be going so well for me
I was finding myself looking forward to the things ahead of me  

Until it all began again
Me worrying about the things that were out of my control

Feeling lost and alone
Because the door had closed

I wondered how I'd make it down this road
Because the last one left me so broke

And here I am
Looking down at my empty hands

Yearning for freedom
Yet holding my own