I sit in the dark.
I hear the cricket's lonesome chirp.
I smell the burnt popcorn wafting from my brother's lap.
I hear his sour words of hate
"I hope you die''
On loop until, again, I cry.
Not because of the hateful words.
Not because he meant them.
Not because my mother did not resent them
But just because
I
                Agree.

Surrounded and cornered
My eyes searching wildly
Sweat beads upon my lip
I am trapped.
With nowhere left to run,
I freeze.
Slowly,
a
Smile
Plays
Upon
My
Lips.
My captors are taken aback.
What have we missed?
They question.
Now is their turn to feel frantic.
I drop my shoulders.
I lean against the wall.
I draw myself up taller
Taller
And taller yet.
The grimace widens into a grin.
As I defiantly raise my chin.
They search my empty eyes,
Roving for some unknown punch-line.
Finding none, they tense.
Only I,
and I alone,
Can ever control myself.
Nothing they say
Nothing they do
Nothing they threaten
Can ever turn me
Away from myself.
I am my own person
And that,
That
Terrifies them.
Sensing the shift
They turn and flee.
They flee away from
Me.

All they want is to be there for me
But no matter how I try
All of their good wishes
Only ever make me cry.
I need to be alone I say
I only need a day.
Weeks later they return again
And then they wonder, Why?
They coax and smile their pity grins
Telling me to lift my chin.
Things will get better,
I will move on.
But then again I am already
Gone.

the pulse that used to encourage me
now vainly reminds me I'm here      
i pass off words of encouragement
that simply deflect off my ears      
I'm so far gone that the ones I love
Now only bring me to tears        
How do i continue to wage this war
and fight off all these years?

Lying on my stomach
i feel the blood rush through my veins
No  matter what i do
everything seems to be in vain
I try and try not to cry
but tears erupt nonetheless
how can i live when i want to die
blending in with all the rest

The screen lights up
So does my world
A simple snap
A brief frame
Reminding me
I am still sane
I can do this
I should try that      
It's hard, I say    
You say it's ok    
The picture fades
I wipe my eyes  
It goes away
Part of me dies

I told you I'd had it
I told you I'm through
But you knew exactly
What you should do
You listed off names
Of all those that I love
Now how could I possibly
Try and give up?        
You gave me the strength        
You knew that I had
You made my day
So much less bad
I owe you forever
I want you to know
You're always there for me
When I fall below