I do not know how to touch you
I falter and you make an uncomfortable sound
I caress for hours
Still happy moans you do not emanate
Running my hand up and down
With practice maybe I can learn
How to make you gasp a voice of pleasure
For hours on end I will try, I do not mind
It pleases me to no end, to attempt all night
Strum, strum, there has to be a pattern you like
Some sort of rhythm that makes you sing

Ah the laments of beginner's guitar

Unto another galaxy
fractal
weaving a space-time continuum
black holes that never meet
yet always consume
forever alone
lost in the vacuum of Hell
where time meets time
and the end never ends

The day I most look forward to
is the one where I actually get to relax
no need to hear the nightmarish insults
no, it is silence behind these doors
ahhhhh, lovely release
accusations flying, so quick, every night
can you shut the **** up for once
and listen
to my silence
oh sweet silence
I look forward to the day

I am fighting
but not hard enough
to fend off my demons
not eating well
smoking too much
turning to the bottle
short tempered
how does one fight
that which makes them feel
less alone

Madly in love I fell into claws and hooves
with the devil!
blinded was I to the hatred and lies
the more cruel, the harder I fell
trickery, deceit, he used me as a play thing
causing pain over and over again, yet I still felt love
I reveled in hope even knowing a Devil he was!
often leaving me alone then appearing inflicting harm on others
attempting to steal my child in a treacherous trick
how on earth could one love a devil

This is what I asked myself when I awoke

Feeling the need to reach into my darkness
Too much contentment, my fear surfaces
So for the moment I dedicate this to you, friend
Shadows dancing in obscurity
For whatever reason
I am feeling rather translucent
At this moment
So I will dwell upon this thought
Ask myself
Why do I fight it, hopefulness I mean
It has to be a disease, with no cure
Or just that I am so broken
that I feel the need to abuse my mind
Surely I have endured enough
So why am I corrupting myself
Creating false entities
What in the world is wrong in my soul
Is there an antidote?

Shouldn't this emotion be so familiar
that I'm numb
*disappointment

Far too long a lion caged
Ferocious and untamed
Set free to feed upon lambs
Rip roaring through the town
Innocents fall victim to sharp claws
In a flurry of teeth and fur
****** footprints lead the way
To broken heart after broken heart
A caged lion is ten times more vicious
Than if he had merely been born free

I kept telling her I was insane today
that I had been driven to madness by the pain I see
death, ******, conspiracy, blood, hate
and everyone turns a blind eye so I must be mad
that I take in all the pain and reflect it upon myself
and too many think I am being unreal
for I cannot control these things
but it is who I am, an empath, I refuse to change
and I scream the truth and all I hear back are lies
that I am in fact, just insane

To which she replied
why is it you are insane
do you not think that perhaps you are the sane one
and the rest of the world has gone mad
that they live in a fantasy land
because you know the truth and they deny it
even when blood is spilled upon their own doorstep
they still do not see
so be sure you are the sane one
you are the one who is human

raindrops wash his tears as the fiddler plays
his jet black locks caress his cheek, slowly shifting grey
he has sung his heartbreaking ode for years on end
his true love an audience ne'er again to attend
eyes that once shined a bright green hue
dulled by sorrowful tears turned the deepest blue
once a lover he'd had near the western shores of Ireland
the love of his life, a gorgeous young lass, for her he'd asked her hand
nary a day passed were they not by the other's side
alas, the young lass had a secret she could not abide
untimely demise had she met at the sleight of her very own hand
a pain so harsh no longer could she withstand
alive once he was, now just a fiddler in the hidden glen
ne'er to to step outside the trees to the light of day again
'neath the crescent moon he lies
now a slave to the fiddlers' tune, he cries

Passion coursing throughout my veins like fire
the one piece the dots will never connect
exemplified by the one, the one exception
in any given situation
the flame would still cut like jagged steel
a reminder that there can be only one
even if never touched, always that piece will be taken
if only an image could be yanked through a mirror
tortured pain
will never refrain, never go away
until then
tears never cease when you are yourself, The Devil

Some say love is like fire
but I disagree
fires burn out and die
some fires are hot
others cold
True love is more like water
it never dies
it never ends
it just changes

She heard you today you know
words meant to cut like a sword
not sure if she was meant to hear but she did...
for some people words are weapons
for some people your words shape who they are
mold them
so she went to a strangers house choking back tears
handed them their goods
then returned and pretended she was alright
she pretends but really she is not
have you ever stopped to think
that the wrong words to the right person
could be the last thing it takes
the last stab needed to throw them over the brink
it may seem petty but for some words are life
she is not broken
she is not insane
she is depressed
nothing tastes good anymore except liquor
dry as ash so she doesn't eat
and wastes away in words and cigarette smoke
she is not afraid to die, parts of her already are
the other parts wish for it when she hears these things
she wants to give smiles and in return gets frowns
so please think about your words
words could very easily **** her
you never know when a life is in your words
so please use your weapon carefully
think before you speak
you never know if you are the final blow

Time to venture into the mouth of Hell
I pray I do not lose myself, wish me well....

I desire the talents of an artist
I have a vision in my mind
distorted, his face is frightening
body misshapen, mouth agape, disfigured
epitome of an entire soul destroyed, drawn on paper
lined in charcoal, etched in demise
crying into the night
around his monstrous waist
tender arms do embrace
such a demon, a beast
her face caressed in absolute beauty
seeking to tame something so torn
in one soft touch of love

One cackles harshly baring fangs while she feeds
on your dreams
the other screeching obscenities while he feeds
on your body
they are best friends to one another
cackling and screeching through the night
best friends
insomnia and anxiety

Probably unwise, unfair to say
causing more pain than necessary
what is new for her though, right?
she is madly in love with him
in all his brokenness
but he is not broken
he is the other half to her whole
and she can never have him
that quite possibly may drive her mad
but she would rather dedicate to that madness
than live the lie that it is not true
that she knows what she needs
and she would rather die alone
than deny it

Black hole swallows all that is beautiful
Black hole furiously obliterating every light
Black hole seeking to destroy all it touches
Black hole will always be alone
For black hole is just that
Black hole....
What is more powerful and mysterious
*destructive

two black holes collide
creation or eruption
supernova, universe or
obliterated catastrophe
distraught milky way
malicious life form

Epitome of love created afar
why
that is how a creation is made
where it is born
from ashes
from the Earth
how then is not something molded
within its own birthplace
making what you are
and that is you
perfect
only because that is where you began

She is an eater of souls
bread crumbs trace her lips
men flock like starving gulls to feed
blinded by the *****
they never see it coming
she swoops in, a thief in the night
poised in true form
haggard, ghastly
shrieking of her defilement
beautiful nails become fierce talons
pearl white teeth, razor sharp fangs
silk woven hair turned rotting corpse
hourglass figure, emaciated nightmare
and she
devours them whole

Only of importance when lonely
happy to know fiction from reality
reality is only broken knows broken
and only light can truly know light
the legitimately broken are blessed
but oh so rare
though when they are finally found
a lifetime bond can be formed
as for the light
well I cannot know
I am one of the blessed broken

Eyes are open, am I blind
do my arms not work, far they cannot extend
thump, thump
what am I touching, in what am I encased
what an odd sound, like rainfall but more menacing
what is that sound
I hear it above
starting to feel afraid, a dream this must be
air is growing thin, claustrophobia sets in
my nails begin to claw at whatever this force field may be
trapping me in my worst nightmare
bloodied, sore to no avail the trap holds well
hysteria next, screams, wails, laments
please God let me wake up
hours later, numb, deadened my empty eyes stare at the dark tomb
acceptance sets in with the realization
I've been buried alive

No need to touch you
to be
   madly in love

Reaching out, attempting to touch the echo
oh, the reverberation is just my reflection
my fire was extinguished, passion that burned
the scorching heat has been bitten by the shrillest ice
persistently dreaming of reigniting it
alas, I lack the desire it requires
let me gather what remains of the flame
and burn every bridge I ever built

I see vultures circling
high above in a never ending spiral
they watch, waiting for the moment to pounce
what is taking so long
it would seem they float for hours
I sit in wonderment, pondering what it is they are preying upon
slowly, they gather closer and closer
I can almost see their beady eyes and sharp beaks
as they press on true to their mark
I grow tired as I watch, waiting to see what it is they see
for I am blind
falling asleep, I wake inevitably to see
they are preying upon me
I am the meal

Call the hounds!
Another madman is loose
One that wishes to spread the truth
Hurry fellow tyrants
We must silence him quickly
Let not the madman expose our deception
For this is what we fear
The few who are awakened
Know of our scandalous ways
So hurry to the madman
Bring with you the hounds
To drag another good man to Hell

Waging many battles, can I win the war
I just saw a quote
"Monsters are real, ghosts are real too
they live inside us, and sometimes, they win."
I ask again, can I win the war?
The one raging within my being this very second
Conflicting, tearing, beating me every moment
Battle One, can I stop being human
Haha no! Of course not!
So embrace it, you lose this battle
Battle Two, self hatred
Well this is an interesting one is it not?
I think yes I can win, a long angst filled battle will it be
One setting me on a path to self discovery
Perhaps the bloodiest yet, we will see
Battle Three, expecting others to cure me
Be realistic we are all human
One man cannot lay that burden upon another
Time will tell if my own company can mend me
Battle Four, I harbor a Dark Passenger
No, not Malevolence, he is my friend
This fiery demon is the General of my opposition
He will not go down without a fight
Fueling all my darkest most lonely hate filled thoughts
Arrow to the chest misses
Dark Passenger will fight me to the end of the war
We shall see who is left standing
Battle Five, addictions
Enough said
Other battles must be won before that one can ever be fought
As weak as that may make me
But at least I know I am...
Battle Six, utmost failure
Sitting in dark rooms, never furthering my future
Pathetic I have been
This battle, yes I can win
For I crave knowledge above all else
Some peace can be found in that
The battles I wage are endless
Let us see if I can win the war

A line to make a turn
A line to buy milk
A line to buy a ticket
A line to go to school
Another line in a poem
Lines, lines, lines

As we all stand in line to die
____________________­

what would it be like
a cat that has insomnia

You see, I am a dog
loyal to the end, overbearing in my love to be sure
when you beat me
for years I still roll over on my back
thinking a belly rub would fix the bruises
eventually though, a tail goes between the legs
and some amount of reluctance and fear is felt
even were a master the same for years on end
a dog may be loyal but not stupid

And you, well you are a cat
indifferent, solitary and self satisfying
knocking dishes off the counters
hopping down and not looking back
******* in a box, knowing someone else will clean up the mess
feed you, pamper you and when you feel like giving love, you will
quite possibly with claws extended and teeth bared, hissing

And this is why I am now a cat to your dog
do you get it?

moment of truth
bad idea perhaps
hands to throat
oh well... at last...
...sigh... grip loosened

Christmas, the time of year for love and cheer
"Let us go pick out a tree" say the kids with glee

I am the ultimate Grinch I guess...
Because Christmas trees make me so sad
The trees are my favorite friends
I would much prefer to take presents to them
Than cut down their life force
For one month of enjoyment
To be tossed aside after the lights are gone
How many years of their life stolen
To bring each family joy year after year
So many to die in vain
I wish to be surrounded by many trees
Not just one
Alive for countless years
So if I must, I will just take my gifts to the wood
Or buy a fake one

He told her there is a way out
that it will not always be this way
just bide your time... bide your time
the years flew by as burden became overburden
her crows feet became more prominent
her pain became more consistent
she said I will keep going until I give up
I will keep trying
and on she trudged
she had stopped smiling, her heartbeat had grown faint
at long last she made her way to a field amidst the mountains
sitting down with a sigh she watched the birds sing
listened to the sound of life around her
all was so much more alive here
letting out a sigh
she pulled the trigger
finally finding her way out
there it had been all along
in the middle of nowhere
where all was calm and quiet