Pretend to love my glass shards
then instead of you being cut
I am the atrocity
a friend you are not
and I see this
still I will be me
recede
why fight to be around
pretend I matter
while I sit in the background

One straight line, one mass grave
So many people, fear one giant wave
One man in this line, so afraid
Why is this happening, someone come to my aide!
All I want is to raise my little girl
Love my wife, watch their lives unfurl
Become successful, live outside persecution
For these murderers, will there be retribution?
And what has bred such hate
A self loathing tyrant who wishes to dictate?
A muzzle has found its way to the one man
I am not ready, please this can't be God's plan
Thoughts go dark, the evil deed is done
Another life stolen, by a pawn with a gun

That which she seeks is a fairy tale
silly girl, she lives in dreams
entangling, embracing, thus choking

how is pain so harsh
for that never even touched

reality struck for he
and thus he ran as such

*this is why she is a dreamer
trapped within her own insanity

I doubt how I might view love
but perhaps a poet could make me fall again
scream at me how I am needed
I have not seen it before
maybe a poet could yell so loud
I hate to write these things for love and hatred
yea you read it, did you even hear
did it speak into your mind like fire
that is my mind absolutely ablaze
I need to be heard, for the love of God
truly heard, have I ever really been
except when another poet reads my mind
if you do not have the time to see these cries
you will never truly know my mind
thus you can never truly love who I am
call me crazy, but the one I fall for
must read and relish every sickening word
for I am sick of pouring out my soul and being unheard
stop loving my outward appearance and love my freaking mind
because let me tell you it is pretty warped
and I am only honest here
so if you want to know me just READ
**how ****** hard is it

Waging many battles, can I win the war
I just saw a quote
"Monsters are real, ghosts are real too
they live inside us, and sometimes, they win."
I ask again, can I win the war?
The one raging within my being this very second
Conflicting, tearing, beating me every moment
Battle One, can I stop being human
Haha no! Of course not!
So embrace it, you lose this battle
Battle Two, self hatred
Well this is an interesting one is it not?
I think yes I can win, a long angst filled battle will it be
One setting me on a path to self discovery
Perhaps the bloodiest yet, we will see
Battle Three, expecting others to cure me
Be realistic we are all human
One man cannot lay that burden upon another
Time will tell if my own company can mend me
Battle Four, I harbor a Dark Passenger
No, not Malevolence, he is my friend
This fiery demon is the General of my opposition
He will not go down without a fight
Fueling all my darkest most lonely hate filled thoughts
Arrow to the chest misses
Dark Passenger will fight me to the end of the war
We shall see who is left standing
Battle Five, addictions
Enough said
Other battles must be won before that one can ever be fought
As weak as that may make me
But at least I know I am...
Battle Six, utmost failure
Sitting in dark rooms, never furthering my future
Pathetic I have been
This battle, yes I can win
For I crave knowledge above all else
Some peace can be found in that
The battles I wage are endless
Let us see if I can win the war

He told her there is a way out
that it will not always be this way
just bide your time... bide your time
the years flew by as burden became overburden
her crows feet became more prominent
her pain became more consistent
she said I will keep going until I give up
I will keep trying
and on she trudged
she had stopped smiling, her heartbeat had grown faint
at long last she made her way to a field amidst the mountains
sitting down with a sigh she watched the birds sing
listened to the sound of life around her
all was so much more alive here
letting out a sigh
she pulled the trigger
finally finding her way out
there it had been all along
in the middle of nowhere
where all was calm and quiet

Through an abandoned graveyard
Unattended for many years
Weeds reach 'round snatching your ankles
Trying to hold you down, but you still run
Through a serene field of daises
So beautiful, inviting, blowing kisses
Keep moving, not yet arrived
Through the woodland
Creatures stop to say hello
"No time" you say
"I must keep going"
Through treacherous mountain passes
Over, under and out
No second glances, long out of sight
It has been ages since you stopped
Taken a breath, rested your lovely head
*From what is it you're running?

I love abandoned barns and dilapidated fences
Long forgotten, some seek to call them useless
I love them still, the care taken when first built
Years of mirth and much use put forth within their vibrant beings
Alas, yes abandoned but they still seem useful to me
The years may have worn them down, appearing to be ugly
But I would still play within the walls of ye old barn
I would still caress you tattered fence, knowing you protect my land
You still hold value in my eyes, even when you appear eroded

Tell me I am beautiful
That I make one touch the stars
Tell me I am pure
That my existence makes the world bright
Tell me I am lovely
That I feel like satin sheets
Tell me I am wise
That I soak up knowledge, understand all
Tell me I am sweet
That if lips touch mine nothing matters
Tell me I am kind
That with me here naught can feel pain
Tell me I am the only one
That no one else could make you feel this way
*Lie to me
I need to hear lovely lies

Wishing to be a God for once
creating existence then turning away
oh, you tore down your walls, what a pleasant surprise
let me take a peek at what you house within
ah, I can devour you now
I crave power
meek I may be, a monster has been born
born from the ashes of loneliness and deceit
let me be vindictive
watch me make you squirm
I am feeling quite morbid today
six thousand feet high, I bear down with a magnifying glass
destroying everything that you have ever hoped for and built
I wish to be malicious
let me become a freaking God
and tear you to pieces

When the veil lifts and nothing is left but barren wasteland
the ocean evaporated, the atmosphere obliterated
what would be a planet envisioned
do I mean metaphorical or do I mean literal
unsure,  just go with me on this one
can you tell when I have been sleeping at the bottom of a bottle
message in a bottle now sits in a massive dune
sandstorms burying it deep within their chasm
no life is left on this planet to find it
so what is it now but another piece of garbage
one collected upon the masses of mother earth to regenerate, obliterate, clean up the mess
another lost whisper echoing in the sands of time
sands that do not know time though
what is one grain of sand within this temple
do you not see how many there are
a pin ***** to a goddess
she does not wince, not once
at the fallen upon her feet
one mass grave
her face will be stoic as she stares upon her masterpiece
finally at rest, a plague eradicated
though they screamed the whole way down
she rejoiced when at last the cries had ceased
silence
and she thanks her God
and that God thanks his
and he thanks his
never ending cycle
does it stop
ever

Will I really let this be the death of me
A weakness so pitiful
Cigarette smoke and carcinogens
Why do I place value on such an ugly foe
Blackened lungs
Hacking cough
Body turning to ash
Looking back in 10,20,30 years
Was it worth it?
So then why am I too weak to stop
I despise them
Yet I love them
Finding comfort
When death whispers in my ear
A disease upon the mind
I will keep trying
One day I pray that I succeed
To toss this ugly demon in the ditch

For years has he held out
love seeming to fade but nay
adoration is still strong as ever
he watches her silently
offering his heart
hoping she will one day see
that she was always the one

She is feeling alone and afraid
wondering if love she can ever grasp
her heart has been mangled time after time
affections tossed back in spite
gasping for breath, living in a dream
she picks herself up yet again
and walks into the darkness

The possibility I see for these two
a man full of love
a woman who has lost hope
I can only pray the two come together
weaving dreams and healing hearts
dancing in laughter
forever in love

Solitary house situated deep within the woods
Inside a darkness so bleak naught can seen
Foundation rotting, appearing evil but is misunderstood
No one enters, avoiding pain that is often foreseen

For too long this house has sat apart in bleak existence
Pondering on its own blackness, why here, now, alone
What has happened to bring about such a distance
Lonely house, what you reap you have sown

Footsteps outside, a weary traveler does approach
A silhouette slowly appears from within the dark
House so long forlorn this sight does encroach
Traveler is unafraid, a long journey has he embarked

Time will only tell what may happen for the two
Dilapidated house may swallow man in darkness
Traveler may be just what is needed to become anew
Open the door, we shall see who is encompassed

Not sure what it is I even dream
sorry for being so silent in words
yet so loud in my thoughts
but I will keep trying
unless you wish me to stop
even then though I may keep fighting
if it is only in my mind

Passion coursing throughout my veins like fire
the one piece the dots will never connect
exemplified by the one, the one exception
in any given situation
the flame would still cut like jagged steel
a reminder that there can be only one
even if never touched, always that piece will be taken
if only an image could be yanked through a mirror
tortured pain
will never refrain, never go away
until then
tears never cease when you are yourself, The Devil

the sun is not shining today
in my sky or in my mind
synapses ceasefire
heartbeat weak and quick
what is it I am looking at in the clouds
this day should be random as my thoughts
I love my creature
following me as a child would
I am the child though
I cried for hours over the travesties
to a person I thought hates me
love and war
I think I am ready to ditch my dreams
take up arms and lead us into Hell
for the love
for the right
I went insane
I lost it
that is how it begins then is it not
that is how it all begins...
do not care for me too much
one day I think I will be assassinated
if I do not stop
if I do stop
I assassinate myself
random insanity has now ensued
what else can I say
today the sky is grey

call upon the masses
link hands to change
there are no classes
one unit let us arrange

hear me, we can win
we can see pure light
if we but overthrow the sin
but we must unite to fight

become aware
awaken
one people
one movement
against the wicked
*we can win

I do not wish to hear words of love
I do not wish to be bought
I do not wish to be wooed
I wish to feel it
Pure and undeniable
In an embrace
In a kiss
In a voice
I do not wish to hear I love you
Ever again

They say when you die
you know nothing after
but this for me, is a lie
I will miss music radiating in my mind
I will miss the trees dancing in the wind
I will miss the whispers of fairy tales
I will miss the thought of true love
I will miss the laughter of children
and the sweet sounds of peace and beauty
my mind may cease to think
my heart may discontinue beating
but such things, so full of glory
I will always miss

For all the silent voices
screaming as loud as you may
lying in broken sobs
shattered dreams
it is not right, it is not right
black is white, grass is blue, sky is green
all is so confusing
let me sing the blues for you
do not look for joyous sounds
look to me to strum broken guitar strings
stroke out of tune piano keys
regardless, for you I would sing
sliding my fingers down my grooved fret board
tapping in silent strokes
of forgotten dreams and abandoned tear stains
left to dry in bitter winds
let me sing the blues for you

moment of truth
bad idea perhaps
hands to throat
oh well... at last...
...sigh... grip loosened

A poet pouring emotions onto paper
Many times obscure, hard to discern
Most would skim over, not feel the burn
Letting the words slip out of mind like vapor

For another poet though, this is not the case
Every despairing, loving, passionate word is heard
Nothing said misunderstood, seen as absurd
Never judging, for every poet also has been in this place

What on Earth would be a better match made
Than a poet and another poet minds linked as one
No need for spoken words, no need to take action
Whisper it to one another on paper, a private serenade

Dancing a dance no other could understand
Two perfect souls forever intertwined
Knowing completely one another's mind
A poet who loves a poet, their passion withstands

I want to say, "Things will get better."
ah, but that is cliche
I want to say, "The pain will fade."
but is that true
I want to say, "All your dreams will come to pass."
but that must be a lie
I want to say, "You will never know this hurt again."
but you are human, I am sure you will
I want to say, "You will always feel loved."
but again, not the case
I want to say, "You will never be alone."
but alas, this also is deceitful

Then I realize, this is okay
For sometimes, we need to hear a cliche
In order to make it through another day

When I find me utterly destroyed
I look into your eyes
and melt
forgetting all the knives in my soul
if only I could just see those eyes beyond my mirror
deeper than a picture
your stare must eradicate diamonds
when standing before your warmth

My mind is overflowing
with the words so easily whisked into my thoughts
I suspect treachery
Oh yes, yes I do
yellow eyes peer from within the brush
forked tongue flickers for one moment
a moment so brief it is quickly forgotten
venture forth into a forest unknown
trusting that your feet may carry you home
to a path for so long sought
do not forget though
treachery hides within the shadows
waiting for you to become lost

Finding in you
an antidote to mend my mangled being
collapse in sweet repose
a thought, girls tend to like gems
how is it then, you have remained unseen
in a mine have you hidden
or is the rest of the world blind
bah, no matter my scales cloud not mine eyes
for I found my cure
hidden or not
I discovered searching was not the answer
but waiting
and it came to me

Reality was lost
yes, I am walking the walk
but within my dreams I forever lie still
now
I think I am drowning within insanity
do not request I wake
I quite enjoy lying here, actually
so let me sink deep within
I do not wish to resurface

Tear drops on tin foil
pouring down slick silver oil
every surface bleeds, razor blade paper cut
over time the blood turns to rust
the girl who once felt love will be dying all alone
the tears once dried now turned to stone
the sun disappeared, clouds cascade down as the beast devours
cold and empty in the final hour
gouged from soul, heart, then life
now a disease from which to cringe
she became a corpse by example
how to ignore dreams and succumb

An ugly creature, writhing in the corner
one eye looks over in disgust, seeing what it really is
for the creature has shown its colors to the fixated, hazel eye
sometimes wavering in the knowledge that he knows she is filth
but always in the end it is the creature
then we have the other eyes
yellow, brown, green, blue, multitudes showering down watching the demon
unfortunately, a spawn of satan they do not see
would they stop cooing and praising
the self hatred building up will soon explode
and glass shards will blind
then they will see what the hazel eye knew all along
and the creature will continue to writhe
in the corner
finally ceasing to inflict unintended pain

Look at the scars
intricate artwork
whispering stories in serpentine patterns
they cannot be rewritten
but they can scream for eternity
tracing patterns across a body
invisible or prominent
open them up
read their book
smother in the lines
of scars that never fade
burning hot

Christmas, the time of year for love and cheer
"Let us go pick out a tree" say the kids with glee

I am the ultimate Grinch I guess...
Because Christmas trees make me so sad
The trees are my favorite friends
I would much prefer to take presents to them
Than cut down their life force
For one month of enjoyment
To be tossed aside after the lights are gone
How many years of their life stolen
To bring each family joy year after year
So many to die in vain
I wish to be surrounded by many trees
Not just one
Alive for countless years
So if I must, I will just take my gifts to the wood
Or buy a fake one

Were darkness not my fondest friend
my biggest fan
I might be afraid to see him creeping in again
and again
in waves, a shoreline that never recedes
darkness has his own schedule
one that does not follow the tides
look over my shoulder
the waters seem distant, so far
one more glance, RUN, the tsunami is upon me
darkness is faster
*I will drown

Broken and stolen
were the dreams of too many today
innocent lambs bathed in blood
and all for what
why
my heart will bleed for the lambs
but not just for these
for the thousands
the masses
that experience such hatred on a daily basis
what it is to be innocent
caught within the crossfire, sliced by the shrapnel
I pray one day it will stop
until then rest in peace little lambs
I hope your dreams live on

I am a knife of the cruelest kind
dull and wicked carving flesh
leaving jagged scars and angry marks
the deadliest weapon I know

Epitome of love created afar
why
that is how a creation is made
where it is born
from ashes
from the Earth
how then is not something molded
within its own birthplace
making what you are
and that is you
perfect
only because that is where you began

Her soul had been stolen
tattered, torn it seemed to be lost
drifting amidst the angry seas
cast away to unceasing winds
for it so long had she searched
thinking it forever gone, she just a shell
over mountains, under seas, through deserts
she roamed, desperate and forlorn
until at last she found her soul
in India

What is it that determines an existence upon a plane
I do not even create the ***** laundry I fold
as I am clothed in the same attire day by day
forgotten
as I race through a machine that eats me alive maliciously
move by with wisps of smoke
that is alright
I drown in my own substances
albeit I do this alone
in the night
and for some reason despite everything
I still relish being alone
loving to suffer
do I exist

walking an old ancient path
mind cloudy, deadened
despite the birds singing
thoughts are laden bricks
heart fills with fear 'tis true
end in sight nevermore
weight of emptiness crushing
naught can save me from me
devouring own mind
afraid, at this pace... knowing
sooner or later I shall collapse
never to be found
on an old ancient path

Even if for one night, can you pretend
to feel passion for just me
I am just some girl, I know, meaningless
but please tear into me, let it all go
throw me into the sheets, ravage me
as a lion would unto a lamb, devour me whole
it is what I crave
walk away in the morning
it is alright

The sun breaks through to another day for me to see the choices I've made
It's easy to overlook the pain when there's nothing to lose and naught to gain
If my mistakes were rubber bands
I'd tie them all together and throw caution to the wind
But I never learn
No I never learn
I can't deal with the aftermath, I didn't think straight when I chose my path
They say don't dwell on the past my friend, but there's never a start and there's been no end
If my mistakes were rubber bands
I'd tie them all together and throw caution to the wind
But I never learn
No I never learn
I watched my dreams fall away from me, emotions as vague as the sky and sea
The stars break through to another night as I lie in my bed wishing I'd try
If my mistakes were rubber bands
I'd tie them all together and throw caution to the wind
But I never learn
And it never ends
No I never learn
It never ends

A piece of my soul given
the piece that deters logic
allows to see beyond any blemish
accepting wholly
reciprocating undeterred love
rejected was this gift
now I find it was lost
whisked away
over thousands of miles of ocean
I gave you a piece of my soul
and you spat it into the sea
a final blow
amidst a series of many
that stole my ability
to ever again feel
*such compassion