A dream that encompasses me
The smallest things have such beauty

Walking down a dark street
Nothing to be seen
Shrouded in silence

Dancing in the rain
Drops caressing your lips
Kind eyes shining bright

A stroll in the woods
Everything connected
Speaking nothing, hearing everything

Laying upon the earth
Feeling it spin beneath
Smelling that sweet smell

I love to be alive
See all the beauty life has to offer
Isn't it funny
The simplest of things much more beautiful spent with you

Ye, other men seek me I admit
But they do not possess the fire I envision
The passion I have so desperately sought
So long life passed before my eyes
In an almost trance like state
I was frozen in time, yet the Earth still spun
These dreams grew dull
To be sure, I had almost forgotten them
You reminded me
Brought unto me an awakening
Such an amazing feeling
To recall ones dreams
And realize they can still be achieved
I feel relief wash over me in abundant waves
As I finally venture forth from my stupor
I bask in the beauty of the world
The world you inspire me to appreciate
And all I can say is thank you
Thank you for bringing me to life

Are you a Black Sheep?
The one they all say is responsible
For every unwanted moment
So selfish
Ah yes, you must be self involved
Why?
Because you are different
Because they do not understand
What you are
That you are alone
Sad
Desperate
Wanting to be accepted
That is all a Black Sheep can ask
But Black Sheep you shall remain
It is alright friend
I understand

"I must ask,
Are all poets so filled with angst as us?"

"Nay I think not" I reply
"But after all, we are human
We all feel this, the despair
At some point or another
Do we not?"

Yes it is true
A tortured soul I am
Broken
Beaten
Can I stop writing now?
No
It is the only way to stop the pain
Then will it stop?
No
Never ending
I have beauty too, yes
I see beauty in everything
But I also live within darkness
I am ******
It is a part of me
I can suppress it, ye
But please remember
These wounds did leave scars
And that is where the fear lives
I will live in the light
Soon enough
For now I will dress my wounds

Do you ever wish you could turn back time
To relive a moment before it fades
To stay forever would not be a crime
The times these days, unhappy I am made

Why does time slide through your fingers like sand
Why can't the better moments last longer
Memories fade, I'm left with just a brand
A scar of the days that made me stronger

I think back, those days make my heart flutter
I hate times I love, they make me bitter
To know what I have lost makes me shudder
I fall to the ground like scattered litter

I want to recapture the better ones
Before they fade into oblivion

You burn with the same passion
That consumes me, I never knew
Always I cared for you
But this

The truth knocked me off my feet
Swept me away
And left me breathless
This secret you never disclosed

I am filled with self doubt
And fear
Yet am glad I know now
I would write all the things I feel
But it just isn't good enough you see

So I will just wait for the day I can show you
Telling you won't suffice

2005.....
A lot of her darkness stems from 2005
It is the year a child lost a mother she never knew
A year she lost a dear preacher and uncle
She is not religious but he was a good man

This isn't even a poem really
But she can't say these things
So we will call it so

It is a year a girl lost her best friends father
On the side of a highway
Covered in blood never again to wake
She felt responsible

It was my fault

It is

It is....

It is the year a girl got *****
She did a lot of stupid things
She lived in tormented anguish for most of it
Let us now finally forget
2005

I am frightened to death of faulty hopes
I know deep down all great things are fiction
I'm too quick to trust, I fall and can't cope
It cuts my soul, until I am stricken

Why must I insist there's just good, no bad
My eyes only see the black and the white
In innocent souls all people are clad
I know it's not true, it just can't be right

I must train myself to look deeper
See the dark hateful souls that lie within
Inside all of us lies a Grim Reaper
Eyes look out so innocent, hiding the sin

I'm left clueless, what in this world is good
I saw the truth 'neath the lies, there they stood

In that moment I felt so alone
I hear a sound
Is someone there?
I walk over and see
Ah, no nothing
Still alone

I wish to become my poetry
Endless thoughts on paper
Lost in time
Forever seen
For then I can never truly die

Can't prove my love
So far away
Oh God how it strips my soul

I want to, but struggle
To write about this thing called love
Relating so much more to despair
Having felt it for so long
So used to living in loneliness

I want love
or do I?
What is it I want
So long having been a shell
That I forgot what it is to be alive

So how is it
How does one express love
Using a piece of paper
It just isn't enough
When despair falls so freely

See, very few words can express love
If any
Words are not enough for love
But despair, oh despair
How you mock me
I could speak of you for eons
Despair, so infinitely defined by any word

So again I ask
How does a poet speak of love
With so much despair outside looking in

I don't understand why you just left me
You left me behind and never looked back
Was I not your little girl, your baby
You cared more for repulsive things like crack

Now you're gone, now I'll never have a chance
To see the face that cared for me so long
Memories fading, I want to enhance
The times we used to have which are now gone

Mom, why did you let the devil lead you
Walk so willingly with him side by side
Life could have been better, you knew 'twas true
Instead you chose wrong, to my face you lied

I always had one last flicker of hope
That was stolen, by one last hit of dope

Life lays before me in dark broken paths
All the roads look so good but are so wrong
Evils entangled hands reach out in wrath
Days on these paths have been weary and long

So which path is the right one to go down
Maybe it's the path showered in roses
I see the many thorns reaching around
The path fades, I see that option closes

I swing around to find what path is next
I am then greeted by angry darkness
This path is a chasm, I become vexed
Wearily, I jump into the abyss

No more paths to choose I am just falling
I look up, none can hear my voice calling

I know beyond a shadow of a doubt
what is right
but then this... time and space
a half a world away
is that what it is then
that would deprive me of true happiness
afraid
nay not just afraid, terrified
of the day I wake and walk out of this dream
the one with promises that can't possibly be promised
and nay I do not blame you
no I blame the vastness of time
and the unseen forces that seem to feed on misery
I do not want to be realistic
I do not want to be feasible
I want to fight this reality every minute
and live in denial
but I will wait and see
please winds of change don't rip away my dreams

The truth is hidden until proven wrong
Pain concealed, there lies a mask instead
On his lips forever there was a song
Deep down his heart continually plead

At certain times the mask was firmly placed
But alone it fell to pieces through tears
When the time came to go home his heart raced
Fueled by continual vivid fears

He found himself in a circular room
Corners were no longer there to hide in
No one knew he would end it with a boom
For not knowing some felt a burning sin

Some of us heard with no tears of sorrow
Others know they'll not forget tomorrow

You're half a world away and I don't care
I see the true beauty that lies within
I see beauty with you I wish to share
I can't prove my love much to my chagrin

Such a positive force I've never met
God such hope I have not felt in so long
One word comes to mind, one word this kismet
For always it is sure that we belong

I will do anything to prove to you
How beautiful you make this world for me
Without a doubt my love for you is true
Anything less I do not wish to be

Soon enough it does not matter how long
I will hold out for you, I will be strong

Pitiful, she's alone on the inside
Cold hard hands trace the outline of her heart
Awaiting the day the pain will subside
Soon with luck the hands may rip her apart

Life is so hopeless, life is so loveless
Standing alone at the edge of a cliff
All she wanted was to feels loves caress
Someone can save her, they just don't know it

Tears flow endlessly down her cold, pale cheeks
She has given up, no happiness here
Staring around at the world 'o so bleak
It's time to jump, her heart clenches in fear

Someone please save her, please give her your hand
Take the pain that has scarred her like a brand

Naught in this world gives me more emotion
Every sound chimes a different memory
Music brings my body into motion
Nothing brings more beauty to scenery

I don't always know who I am inside
But this melody brings me back to life
Many times I have sat alone and cried
How is it our lives give so much strife

But I hear this beat and begin to dance
The music of our people brings me hope
Music within us gives the world a chance
If we all stick together we can cope

Lets listen to the music, lets all fight
Dance with the music make our future bright

She's preparing her heart to be broken
And why should she not? Is this not the norm?
These beautiful words so softly spoken
Or should she just let go and be reborn

Too late into an unknown world she stepped
The fear is still there but she can't care now
Edge of the horizon, ready, she leapt
It is too late with this she makes a vow

To fight would be madness 'twould be a sin
Regardless it is worth it to let go
Finally feel the happiness within
Take these four walls down and let the love grow

Now despite her fear there's no turning back
God forbid she's wrong, her heart may turn black