Falling hard for someone I hardly know
I think of him and then my heart clenches
The way I feel for him , I want to show
But when I'm close, I stop within inches

I don't want to hold it in much longer
If I do I'll explode from head to toe
Maybe I'll say something to be stronger
It's not as if he'll hate me, be a foe

I step closer to him, voice calling out
My mouth snaps shut, my legs frozen in place
I have lockjaw, what is this all about
I can't step closer, my heart starts to race

I will wait for him to step toward me
What if he won't come, then we'll never be

Starting to be afraid of what I feel
Ignorance taking control of my life
Trusting so quickly, what the hell's my deal
Setting myself up for much pain and strife

God, I must watch my step, I'll fall too fast
I don't want to feel that sorrow, that pain
Can't get hurt again, I'm healed now at last
Can't make the same mistake over again

The world is dark, how could this love be real
In case it isn't I must watch my back
I hope it is true, this love that I feel
Why would it be, all else in life is black

Please dear God, don't let me hurt myself twice
Can't take it again, please help me alright

sound...

     distant

                     oh so distant

my screams

                 echo so far

        unheard

beneath my shallow grave

Ah, the earth and her brilliant beauty
radiating life, such a beautiful perfect circle
everlasting, eternal
how I love you, adore you
but then I see this, humanity
corrupted, angry, power hungry and so full of hate
and my heart bleeds
why is it we cannot live equally
share all the world and the love it has to offer
money? religion? human nature?
God, why can we not all look beyond it
children dying, innocents left bleeding on the streets
innocents who wanted no part in your war
and you took the one life they had and ripped it away
when all they wanted was love, security, peace
a child of all things
wanting to wake and play in the streets
knowing naught of why there is so much hatred
or even for that matter, what hate  is
so how do innocents become so hate filled
indoctrination, it is taught
I do not believe we are born so filled with this horror
so what is so hard about going beyond this
people full of love these days so rare to find
ones that dream of coexistence
why is this?
do they ignore the idea?
are they blind?
or do they just not care?
content to live in a world
a world where people are shot down
I know they see it
I know they know of it
how does their heart not bleed like mine
they see pictures, hear it on the news
whether they knew them or not their story is real
their suffering, their pain
it is heartbreaking
it is unfair
I know I do not have it so hard
but I see their lives riddled with suffering
and I feel I know them
I want to reach for them
save them all and I cannot
tearing at every fabric of my being
I feel so far from being real
when I speak of this and people say don't think about it
how the hell can I not?
I exist within this world
this world so fueled by hate and anger
how can I ignore others pain
why am I finding myself weeping daily
for someone I never knew
I knew their pain
I knew how unfair their life was
so why do I feel so alone in this feeling
humanity you are tearing my soul to pieces

For so long she's been a mother lost
not there for her little girl as she should be
wallowing in loneliness and self pity
when all along she was never alone
she had this sparkling gem the whole time
a sweet angel who only sees light
and she needs guidance and a strong hand
finally slapped back to reality
from here on forth she promises
to show the beauty in the world
to take time each day to laugh and give love
hold her hand while walking in the woods
teaching her all the things about the world
for she craves knowledge
and who better to give it than mommy
mommy is sorry for being so stern
being so impatient
also so selfish
for nothing in this world means more
than when she looks at her and smiles
and says thank you, mommy
thank you for doing this for me
there is no greater joy
I love you my Lily

So long in search of a love like yours  
one that encompasses me completely
releasing all emotion
soul exposed bare and naked
to be examined and still accepted
what a revelation
that anyone would have that capability
attuned to every part of me
I respect you
seeing all my scars yet not even blinking
no cringing, no judging
only pure acceptance and love
a craving to heal, cure and dress my wounds
what a beautiful soul you must have, love
my counterpart, my companion

In a dark corner, pondering the state of the world
as I write this, I take another drink
drowning in this thing, the drink I mean
opening my mind allowing me to see
everything much more clearly
for is this not what it does
heals wounds, numbs the pain
whilst killing you
how ironic
but I can't stop and I hate it
such a dependence, thoughts much more attuned
when intoxicated and alone
and God how I love it, how I hate it
I know I am weak
I say with cigarette and drink in hand
but it dulls the agony so why not
why not
there are those sober, suffering, judging
at least I can admit it
yes I admit it, I am weak
I love music, drink, loneliness, drugs, misery
I am most alive when I look out
and see those in denial of the horror
I know the truth, I know it is real
I accept it
my friend, this is what it is to be human
inspiration
I love the idea of peace, love, happiness
but the entire world won't accept it
so I drink
I smoke
I sit alone in a dark corner
and ponder
what if
what would I be if humanity coexisted

Each time we say good night, I am silent
Not because I do not wish to say "Good night, sweet dreams!"
But, because I examine your beautiful face
So as not to forget, knowing it will soon be dark
For when the lights are out and only darkness can be seen
I will have the silhouette I quickly sketched inside my mind
To keep me company until the morning arrives

Housing thoughts that so often incite
a sick sort of darkness, that may cause one to shy away
so all these thoughts are for you that I write
so you can walk amongst my dreams and view the decay
feeling the need for you to see every corner of my mind
and were you to decide to turn and run far from me
you can before it is too late, lest to my darkness be confined
this allows the ability to avoid all this that is my insanity riddled with debris

There is of course a light within my darkness as well
for every Yin there is a Yang or so I hear
therefore on darkness I will not always dwell
hopefully this can alleviate any fear
and reassure that there also lies hope and love within my soul
a lot of which by you is often times inspired
basking in so much light, releasing me from despair's control
it is these things about you I have always admired

So please, take a stroll down the many paths my mind holds
I will hope they are not too overwhelming as they begin to unfold

A tiny treasure
So long yearned for
Finally presented
Then no longer adored

Inspired by all your words
to feel such a connection
sharing the same pain
the same love
the same heart break
isn't it beautiful
I have buried my pain for many a year
it has torn me apart
but now I find solace
in all your words that I also feel
I may write too much
but it has been so long
I need to empty my soul
so please don't mind me
I just had to say thank you

So used to being alone
afraid not to be
it is part of me now
how does one step outside
peer through a darkened veil
one that has so long clouded their vision
fear striking every part of their being
for stepping outside this veil can be painful
giving yourself over completely
for the world to tear you to pieces
is that so wise a decision
or shall I continue to hide and trust
in the loneliness that has made me who I am
dark, comforting, yet painful
I know it so well
my oldest friend, loneliness
you have become a part of my soul
*what would it be to lose you

I know how it feels to see your life fall apart
Pieces of my tattered soul lie at my feet
Hiding deep within, my emotions are stirred
Nothing I see seems concrete
How do I know anything is real
Everything can slip away in the blink of an eye
I am handed these thoughts from somewhere above
Those who have asked to hear them, I cannot tell
My thoughts are ever changing, so I must second guess
Every step I take, for what if it is a wrong turn
I should have known all I had learned was false
My mind is warped by my own bitter thoughts
I have one chance to make a crucial choice
Should I change who I am for the better
Everything is changed at the chime of a clock
I am tired of hiding behind false curtains
All I want is to return to the real world

Is it morbid
That if I chose to die
I have it all planned out

Tender boughs reaching 'round
Damp earth, smell so sweet
Nature speaking of her emotion
Echoing where true beauty does lie
It is here I wish to die
When I do so
Away from reality
Walking amidst my own dream

A smile throwing me into endless space
Eyes that speak of nothing but beauty
Hands strong, yet so gentle
Lips so perfectly formed
I want to lean in and steal the sweetest kiss
I wish to have the ability
To take every pain, every tear
And wipe their existence away
Into the endless space your smile provides
Never again to cross your mind
For that is what you have done for me
Set free from my eternal cage
I am not the same
Let me breathe the same air as you
Lost in throes of passion
Simultaneous *******
I wish to see all, share all
With you and you alone
Learn every beautiful aspect
Of your body and mind
Let go of the scars that made me who I am
For you have finally made me feel whole

Memories are swept away by the wind
I reminisce all the moments we shared
All my shattered hopes you knew how to mend
No matter what I've done you always cared

Remember how we used to play guitar
On The Road To Nowhere we'd take a hike
All these memories seem distant, so far
I miss those days, I miss you Uncle Mike

I'd like to again visit Urchin Falls
And drag our canoe down The Peace River
Hear the frightening sounds of cougar calls
Fossil dig while the rain makes us shiver

When do we get  to spend time together
Play in nature all day, despite weather

I am human
Yes I judge
I do not wish to
Yes I get jealous
I find it selfish
Yes I have darkness
I find it haunting
Yes I get lonely
It happens too often
Yes I am weak
It makes me sad
Yes I love addictions
They make me feel whole
Yes I fear
It is only natural
Yes I am angry
It fuels my passion
Yes I have dreams
For I am only human

Uncertainty
Unsure of how one could love her
Thus constantly second guessing
Considering self unworthy
So then this feeling
It doesn't matter if she is hurt
It does, but it is expected
For she is unworthy of happiness

Oh Helena, how I doth know thy pain
Mocked is thine love when at love's feet thrown
Love hath looked upon thee with disdain
And yet still for him thy love hath grown

Do not despair Cupid's arrow at thine door does knock!
Upon thee, loves eyes an awakening will be placed
No longer can  love's spiteful eyes see thee and mock!
And to thine love will he quickly rush in haste

But first know before one is to have thy way
A comedy must first be struck upon
Alas Puck! Disaster hath struck and a game we must all play
Before order is once more restored and the past foregone

Oh no! Now a love thrown upon thee unwanted
Mockery suspected, no more of this dost thou deserve
Evermore another feeling given to thee daunted
But now sit back, let the story unfurl and observe!

Finally soft words to thee spoken so craved
At once entranced but then felt thee a fool!
From nowhere sweet words so spoken must be depraved!
And in thine heart feeling loves sting ever so cruel

Now thy dearest friend! Intertwined within such a conspiracy
Such betrayal! Dear girl know it is a mistake
Albeit twisted and buried in the cruelest irony
Thy dearest friend, thine love she does not wish to shake

Through troubles and trials thou maketh thy way to a beautiful field
Fast asleep next to the love thy value ever so
Puck, fix thy mistake, give Helena her love to finally wield
And at last house a mutual love to forever grow

I feel the cold, it penetrates my soul
I look up, the sky is black like my thoughts
I sit and ponder, when will I be whole
All these days, for happiness I have fought

People wonder, why are my thoughts so dark
It's a disease for which there is no cure
All this pain, on my soul there is a mark
If it will ever heal I am not sure

I'm searching for the light but there is none
My eyes are open and yet I can't see
I reach out for help but there is no one
I call out, none hear my desperate plea

I'll keep on living each day feeling lost
Until happy lighted paths have been crossed

You do not know me
Do not judge me
The horrors I have seen
Maybe you had it easy
Maybe you had it as hard
But do not tell me what I should be
The pain I house
Do not pretend to know
You can't
And I will not tell
You do not know me

Lost in a sea of darkness for years
A rotting corpse, eternally still
Sea of darkness born from tears
Drowning in silence so shrill

Mind gone, never ending chasm
Reach out, naught will be found
Sanity merely a phantasm
What is real, illusions abound

Wrath filled hands reaching in
Threatening to disrupt the balance
That insanity houses within
Forever feeding on malice

Look now into cold, empty eyes
Eyes of a corpse you despise

At this moment
gun in hand
lying broken
unable to stand
would one pull the trigger
maybe
no hope to regain vigor
bones aching
can it be done
uncontrollably shaking
ghastly gun
can one raise their arm
probably not
but one does consider it yes?
to cause oneself harm
utterly distraught
on occasion
when so alone
soul worn with abrasion
smooth unfeeling stone
overwhelmed
smothered in despair
oh to be free
from a life so unfair
eyes empty as a dead sea
what is a man's last thoughts
on the brink of eternal darkness
soul tangled to indiscernible knots
already a carcass

Finding solace
tears to my eyes
joy
sorrow
in something so simple
as a cello or violin
emotions they hurt
but are so lovely
feeling, cherishing each one
for it means I am alive
overcome by it
whispering of trees
a smile
sweet dreams
every sight and sound
screaming its own emotion
hey you!
yes you
I am alive

A child, oh to not understand death
whisper in the wind
feels like forever, mere fractions of moments
alas, life is not long enough
to behold every wonder the world has to offer
wishing to be a child forever
dancing in innocence
what is there to bring woe
for a child does not understand death
life blossoming eternally
never ending possibilities
oh how I envy you sweet child
never grow up
evermore let your spirit soar
please, for the sake of your humanity
do not become what the world sees
retain sweet blissful ignorance
for a child does not understand death

Please God, help me stop living in a dream
Viewing life through a veil
Contorted are the faces I see
All I need is to open the curtain
I will see the hideous truth
'Neath the lies one day

Here at last, the end of a long journey
The road I have sought is finally found
I have found what my heart has been yearning
At last I'm free from pain with which I'm bound

I'm living in a dream, no way it's true
I have finally let go of the past
Let's pick up my life, pieces lay askew
I have found the final piece, place it last

You are finally gone, I can move on
Sorry it makes me happy, this is life
Please don't be upset, I've always been gone
It is your turn to feel this pain and strife

Forget about the past, it is now done
I can now rest in peace, go have your fun

I breathe in with the rain, sigh with the wind
All is wrong, the sky is white, the clouds blue
Lying in agony, for I have sinned
The color of my pain now changes hue

I beg mercy, my soul becomes blacker
My misery fades but then reoccurs
The world against the world, please just take her
No one's here for anyone, visions blur

I am no one, I am white against white
In constant pain but nowhere to turn to
I give in to my sins, I've lost my fight
Tearful eyes look 'round, the happy are few

Why do I live in a world filled with pain
What the hell's the point, there's nothing to gain

I feel the cold, it penetrates my soul
I look up, the sky is black like my thoughts
I sit and ponder, when will I be whole
All these days for happiness I have fought

People wonder, why are my thoughts so dark
It's a disease for which there is no cure
All this pain, on my soul there is a mark
If it will ever heal, I am not sure

I'm searching for the light, but there is none
My eyes are open and yet I can't see
I reach out for help but there is no one
I call out none hear my desperate plea

I'll keep on living each day feeling lost
Until happy lighted paths have been crossed

All this bitter fury locked within here
My mind is reeling, nowhere to turn to
I stand on a cliff looking down in fear
My head is jumbled, thoughts I had askew

Surrounded by people, yet all alone
I feel lost inside, they see but don't care
Each day while they watch my despair has grown
I want to ask for help, but I don't dare

I can't think straight, my minds locked in neutral
My dreams are slipping away as I fade
Paths chosen in my life I can't control
Decisions for me already been made

I want to turn the pages of my life
But they won't let me, they only cause strife

I'm constantly trying to change for you
Yet no matter what I do, it's not right
I have tried every route, nothing will do
Ways to appease you are long out of sight

I do not want to hurt you so I stay
But, if I stay it will slowly **** me
Someday maybe you'll change, Oh God I pray
Someday you won't be so cold, you will see

The mask I'm wearing is cracking slowly
People see what lies beneath, it's empty
Eyes stare in darkly, mine stare out coldly
Loneliness I feel, driving me crazy

All I am asking is to understand
Why do I feel like this, I need God's hand

Nightmares bring forth my minds deepest worries
They unleash unknown evil I want not
Dark demons,  an evil creature scurries
A beasts breath is on me and it burns hot

As I feel myself sink into dreamland
Terrors in the night wake and walk about
Afraid evil will touch me with its hand
I feel fear well up and I start to shout

Weight of emptiness crushing me to tears
A shadow of death looks down so vivid
Lurid evil feeds on my minds worst fears
A sharp faced demon bares teeth so livid

As I slowly begin to awaken
I see relieved, my life isn't taken

Asking how could I love you
To which I reply, "How could I not"
Imagine if you will, for a moment
A world where we are all blind
No force has ever been so pure
So, when I see you that is I
Blind
Blinded by your love through and out
Appearance will change with time
I will continue to be blind
You will always be the one
The one that opened my eyes
Accepted all of me
Damaged as I was at times
So please love
Don't fret
Nothing can change it
Always beautiful inside and out
That is how I love you

Nature is my religion
The Earth my temple
Why can you not accept it
Your opinion I've always respected
Why must you oppress mine
Why is it you are so right
And I so wrong
The beauty of the Earth speaks within herself
Prove to me why I am wrong
Then maybe I would change
Probably not though
Indoctrination cannot penetrate my mind
My eyes have been opened
Awakening
Enlightenment
If you cannot open yours
Then it is at this time
I feel sorrow for you
A slave to the ideals of man
Ignorantly living in bliss
Forever imprisoned
I am sorry for you

I'm a murderer
Did you know?
I would tell you
Confession
But the guilt is too much
What would you think?
I know what I think
Young
Stupid
Naive
Selfish
SELFISH
I tend not to think of it
When I do, murderer
What would the life have been
I stole away
Murderer I am

Everyone knows that she's not like others
She's an outcast in this cold broken place
Suppressing her true self til' it smothers
As she walks around here and hides her face

She wants to fit in, be able to gleam
And be a part of every single crowd
But she can't, she holds it in til' she screams
And above her head there's always a shroud

Sadly, she walks through the halls, her head down
Others watching her with a sinful sneer
She turns away and wishes she could drown
All that stops her from coming out is fear

What would they do if she held her head high
She'll never know, she just lets them pass by

A man three times her size
almost twice as old
touched her
she did not like it
recoiled
pushed to the bathroom
bent over a toilet
pain
ready to *****
sickening
violated
never spoken of aloud
never will be
disgusting she is now
wipe away the memory
ask her now why she hates herself