today i watched the tears roll down my bloated cheeks as they hit my shirt
i haven't done anything wrong but somehow i'm still the one who got hurt
why am i like this?
when you look at me do you see what i see?
a love-stricken girl grown sick of herself?
is that the image you have of me?
or do you see a vulnerable victim?
one that is desperate for human touch?
someone who hasn't found wisdom?
do you see a girl you can control?
i'll allow you to take me as a gain
in your sad prison of false love
as long as you take away the pain
as long as you take away the hurt

are you sure we're meant to be?
i'm not certain that it's true
our paths have both been picked
but i'm not sure mines with you
we may have to go our separate ways
and i know it won't feel right
but we have to follow destiny
however i'll allow you to hold me for tonight
yes the future is scary
but so is losing you
so let's look up at the stars
and not focus on what's new
our time is coming to an end
and so is this night
we have unspoken goodbyes
and i hope we reunite
because these see you later smiles
are forced over a frown
and the way you held me this one last time
will make me miss having you around
around to see me happy
or around to hold me tight
because when our separate paths are taken we will never reignite
our spark forever dead
because in the end their will always be words left unsaid

will you pass me a flower?
please make it a fresh one from the Earth.
the bees that hide in their hive
have finally joined us on the turf
they mingle with my braids
and buzz right past your smile
warm feelings like these
haven’t visited me in a while
the feeling when someone’s touch lingers
even for just a moment more
is something all the singers
have sung about before
but now I finally realize
what these songs are all about
because even when the bees look in your eyes
they too, can see all your sweetness, inside and out

fake love is a gift
and one not to be taken lightly
because you destroy a young girls heart
while she holds it tightly
yes, tightly from anyone new
and anyone devoted
because when guys come in view
she cowers and hides away from the hurt
replaying trauma through her head
begging the crimes to not go unsaid
the betrayal and love were mixed in her mind
and if you see her journals pages you'll come to find
fake love is not a gift for the weak
she's broken and crying
so scared, she won't speak
hope is a light to dim for her eyes
that have been glued shut from so many cries
her mind is a train to stiff for the tracks
to scared to go forward and to scarred to go back
this fake love was torture
she's too anxious to accept
she must brush off her tears
and move past what she's wept
new opportunities will finally come her way
when she loves herself more than the people who never stay
fake love is not a gift for the strong
because even the not so fragile may break and blame themselves as the ones in the wrong
so really is fake love a gift for anyone?

Do you hold the world in your hands or is it just your grip on my heart?
Because the strings you’re pulling are
tearing my Earth apart.
I may not be the only to realize that you’ve let me down,
because archangels know something’s wrong when my resting face is a frown.
The stones may try their best to repel negative light,
but how can I trust something I care about when you control my world with spite.
With your chains on my legs you have full control.
I’m told to forgive but I can’t forget what you stole.
They may have not been of value to you but they were to me.
From privacy to confidence and even my right to be free.
The planet has fallen away from my feet, the crystals have shattered.
The only real question is did I even matter?
To you? To me? What’s the difference?
We both hate myself now,
just before this, one of us didn’t.

my hearts finally open
at least more open then my mind
because the more I get these feelings
the more positives I find
what a wonder my hand is open too
it’s open just for yours
I don’t have to know if you’ll take it
because you don’t act like it’s some chore
your heart seems open too
maybe it’s just like mine
because our pasts might be different
however it seems like we’re both fine
but maybe fine is not the word
my thoughts have dug deeper than that
because my mind is open too
and my ideas are getting fat
perhaps I feel something different than just this “fine” I claim to feel
because my heart has never opened as
easily for anything this real
an open thesaurus cannot help either,
for I have come to find
emotions as tangled as these
need some time to come to mind
I know I don’t feel love
and I’m sure this is more than a “like”
maybe there is a different word for it
my heart doesn’t think that’s right
these thoughts just keep flowing
perhaps I will call it a “maybe love”
but this “maybe love” is growing
maybe it’s my problem that I’ve just become so open
but I trust that you can “maybe love”
someone you’ve found so broken
feelings like these don’t pop out of this world’s thin air
so I’m glad I have your hand in mine
and I’m happy I’ve found someone so rare.

heavens a place I dream about often
will I see your honey brown eyes as I hold your hands into the gates?
is love endless and unconditional up beyond the clouds?
where no one can reach and no one knows
what's allowed?
my mind travels these thoughts as a voyager in new territories
is heaven a place where old people can share their stories?
fairy tales of love or angels from above?
my conscious takes me far but my daydreams take me farther
can i sing as beautifully as the birds in the trees?
may i bound and dance through the cumulus puffs along with the breeze?
heavens a place i think about often
it settles my mindset and my demeanor softens
can i speak with the gods and goddesses?
can Apollo show me the beauty of the sun?
is heaven not a place for everyone?
ill wait in my cozy clouds as you live and i'll watch from above
and once you come up i may give you a hug
you're guaranteed a spot on my cloud right next to me.
so as i dream about heaven the reality is i'll have to wait to see.