Spread thin
I feel as if I’m being pulled in every direction
I've never been more stressed in my life
Exams coming up, on which my livelihood depends on
But that’s not the end
It’s actually just the beginning
I have several projects due within two days
Ones I haven’t even started
Papers to write
That are half worked through
Lessons to plan
That will probably go horribly wrong
Bills to pay
And no job
I don’t even have time to study for those exams
The ones on which my future livelihood depends on
Exams I can’t even afford in the first place
And will most probably have to retake
….A third time
So yes, I’m feeling anxious
Spread thin
Very stressed, and badly needing it to all
Stop

I feel the need to shout
I feel the need to cry
I feel all day all night
And yet I don’t feel at all

I feel the need to laugh
I feel the need to dance
I feel all day all night
And yet I don’t feel at all

With so much emotion
For one single day
I feel as if I’ll break

But most of all I feel afraid
Because how am I to carry on?
This cruel cruel life
If I don’t feel at all

We keep saying it’s our last year, our last hoorah
But in truth it’s only the beginning of the rest of our lives
I know we are about to walk our separate paths
But we know that our paths are not far from each another
For if I look beside me there you will be
Like you always have been and forever will be

Years will pass and our paths will collide
We’ll retell our stories and unfold some new ones
And just when we seem comfortable our paths will divide
But don’t worry my friend for you will always be by my side
For our paths will run alongside one another and we’ll always be there
Because you have left an imprint in the deepest folds of my mind

So here’s to our year
To the many ups and downs
To remaining true friends
Even in our darkest hours
Our friendship will last
Many of years to come
So cheers to that and that’s my hoorah

Looking back we built a bond
One I thought would never break

Yet I sit and wait
But you don’t come
And I start to think

Did I do something wrong
Or am I not good enough?

Do you not like my company?
Or have you found better

I don’t blame you
Because if I were you
I would leave too

I’m too overbearing  
Too dramatic
Too emotional
Too much of everything bad

Why would you ever want a friend like that?
like me?

But I only ask one thing before you leave for good
Will you help me find those good things in me that you always seem to bring out?

****** day
why you ask
just is I say
but you wont leave it that
mood swings I say
but still you wont drop it
you know better
you are my best friend
****** day
you pull me through it
that is why
I call you my best friend
You make me laugh
Even though I don’t want to
That’s why I call you my best friend
****** day you say
Why I ask
Just is you say
I smile and try to pull you through
Just like you did for me

So many years
Gone by
Flown by
I look back and it’s all a blur
No control at all
With what’s going on
High school
Almost done
College
Up the road
Life
Just around the corner
Its scares me
To the bone
I wanna hang on
To what I don’t know
So many years
Gone by
Flown by
So many new things to experience
So many things I’ll never experience again
I wanna hang on
But to what
Im still trying to figure it out

Let Me
Leave me

I wanna scream
I wanna break
I wanna kick
I wanna yell
I wanna cry

Let me
Leave me

Nothing makes me happy
I may smile but it’s all fake
No more

Please stay
Watch me
Hold me
Make me happy
I’ll try hard if you just stay
Fix me
Help me
Save me

I watch as life passes by
Just pushing me along
Even though I don’t wanna be pushed
I wanna stay put

Let me
Leave me

I don’t know who I am
Without him I am lost
No longer independent
No longer just a “me”

I make myself sick
For several reasons because of this
I can no longer make myself happy
No longer do I find joy.
On doing things on my own

But I can make others believe
I am carefree
Happy and secure
With the days I lead
On my own, without him close to me

On my mind, at every moment,
It’s always him, him, him,
All I want to do is be with him
He is what makes me happy
He is what brings me joy
He is the one I want to be with
I am in love

At least that’s what I tell myself,
But it’s more like
I’m possibly
… A tad bit…. obsessed,
Too attached?

It’s what it actually might be
…maybe

Like a baby to its mother
I must cut the umbilical cord
It can’t be healthy
This obsession
This attachment
This thing I call
….Love

But it’s easier said than done

I want to find myself
In this thing I call “we”
From now until forever
is what we say we’ll be
And I believe it, I really do
It’s just…
…I’m not happy with who I am
With whom I’ve become

I need to be happy and find joy
In things without him and on my own
Find my independence
While still being committed
Because I don’t won’t to lose “us”

you

Where did it go?
My independence I mean
There was a time when I could live
Without you constantly in mind

I could go days and months without seeing you and be completely fine
Now a second goes by in which you’re nowhere close to me and I find myself in tears and begging for your return    

With no end in sight
….although you say there is
Our long distance is eating me alive
Depriving me of joy, of happiness and “us”

I have come to a conclusion that to be happy
I need you…
not far away, but by my side
I love you with all my heart, my soul and every ounce of my mind  

So will you forgive me, every time I get mad, every time I get snippy and every time I sass. It is only because I haven’t seen you, or touched you, or kissed your lovely lips
It’s all I want and all I really need. It is what makes me happy, and you are what makes me, “me”