Have you ever  seen anything so
barren as a neighborhood? I swear
even  the nature there  is  sterile -
narrowed  down  to  a  few  well-
behaved   bushes,   shaved   into
submission, bereaved of freedom.

i  miss the rebellion
of the trees
pushing defiantly even through
concrete to see the sky not silent
and  fearful like these
things crowded and compliant with no
room to breathe freely
do they even seem
alive

I guess there's nothing left
But me
To give to you
And so I do
It isn't much
But Lord I trust
That you can take the mess I make
And recreate a masterpiece
That's like nothing
I've ever seen
Before
Your love for me
Is so much more
Than I could earn
And I have learned
That when I try to pay for it
I give my joy away instead.
Somewhere I read
That all the good
That I could do
Means less than filthy rags to you
Unless my Faith and righteousness
Spring from my love for Christ.
It's nice to know
That you have been
Beside me since the day back when
I first prayed
In my own backyard
Just look how far we've come
Since then.
You're still the same
But I have changed
Becoming more and more like you.

We're broken
And I can't ignore it anymore.
There's so much between us that it seems
Like we're miles away
From ever being okay again.
And I've lied all this time when I said
I've forgotten. I've tried.
But the memories are like weeds
Growing too thick in my mind
They choke out the light
And they leave my soul blind.
Don't get me wrong
I'm still trying.
I'm not resigned to never finding my way
To forgiving you.
It's just been a long time
And after a while this pain became part
Of my identity.
Part of what makes me...me.
It's a shame
But just hearing your name
Makes me cringe.
I can't even begin to explain
How much rage I used to feel.
How much hate.
But bit by bit I'm rebuilding.
Healing a heart that's been rotten for years
That's one thing mirrors don't tell, right?
But despite my pleasant exterior
Things on the inside weren't nearly
As neat as they appeared.
My heart was a train wreck
With parts shattered and scattered
All over the place.
But somehow until now
None of that mattered
As long as my face was intact
As long as I could keep up the act.

So I guess you probably never knew
How much damage your actions could do
But don't worry,
I kept the rest of the world in the dark too.
You all slept in peace
While I was fighting nightmares
And trying desperately to keep
My eyes wide open all night.
It didn't seem quite fair
But I suppose that's just the way life goes
You're still carefree
And I don't dare sleep
For fear I won't hear
My door creak open

I never thought I'd say this
But I have some regrets
Cuz I was blind and heedless to
The needs I could have met;

So many hurting people
That I refused to see
Because I was so focused on
The things that bothered me

The empty hands that could have been
Filled up with my excess
But weren't because I failed to see
The ways that I could bless

The empty eyes mine never saw
The pain I pushed aside
The child who starved to death while I
Was more than satisfied

The smiles; the love that I withheld
When things didn't go my way
The chains I didn't break, and all
The life-filled words I didn't say

So many lives I could have changed
So many torn hearts mended
The tears I could have wiped away
The trials I could have ended

And yet I sat unmoved as if
Their pain was not my problem
And many suffered while I looked
For someone else to help them

silver stars are softly shining
somewhere safe their light is leading
stop the wars and stop the fighting
let us journey home

are you lost, forlorn, and lonely?
is your courage fading swiftly?
let thy spirit not forsake thee;
home is waiting; come.

through the darkness and the shadows
heedless of the way the wind blows
undaunted by death, unstopped by sorrows
we choose the higher road

candles in the window burning
watch and wait for your returning
walk through night and into morning
don't stop til you're home

Tomorrow lies in a sticky-wet puddle at my feet
And all my yesterdays are growing too heavy
Straining to burst free from the shiny pink membrane
That barely separates them
From the cruel, pointing fingers
Of the scandal-seeking crowd.
I do not wish any longer
To share in their catatonic state,
But instead I continue to climb against the raging,
Shoving current of the endless waterfall,
Alone and unafraid
Toward destiny
And I forsake without apology
The security that conformity offers.
I am no longer what I once was:
Merely another mindless piece
Of the glorious whole,
But stronger now
And the eternal clock ticks past morning
And into the crimson before midday
More deeply, infinitely more do I fear the silence
The mendicant and instant acceptance
By which the masses sully me
Than do I dread their hatred
And their offended pride;
Their glaring antipathy
Their cold rejection.
This do I know to be more certain even
Than the coming of the night:
Unless I have the courage to stand alone
I will surely see destruction
For it takes not great strength or genius
To be held ***** by the pressing
Of the single minded crowd.
And so I ascend,
Heedless of yesterday
Undaunted by tomorrow,
Leaving behind everything that is certain
Embracing instability.
Like a star I travel forward
Into the fathomless darkness
And I can't be pulled down by gravity
And I continue forever into no one knows what
But my shining path is followed
By the eyes of many
Drawing them momentarily
From their listlessness
And forcing them into temporary
And vastly uncomfortable realization.
It is the essence of courage to stand apart
And the highest measure of my worth
Lies in my willingness to be complete
Without the acceptance and accolades of mankind
Complete and content to walk alone
To be hated by all those around me.
This is my destiny.
This is my choice.

It's been way too long
Since I've taken the time
To just sit with you
And say what's been on my mind

I thought I got too busy
And life got too intense
But I can feel it killing me
And I'm done with sitting on the fence

I guess that's why I'm here today
Cuz I want to see your face again
And dearly, oh so dearly do I
Want things back the way they've been

I remember how you used to be
The most important part of me
Please don't leave me
Please don't leave me

I  ran away, but I didn't forget
How it felt to be yours; safe
And how everything fit

I don't know why I started trying again
To fill myself with other things
Your face growing dim

But there's nothing I regret
More that all of that time
That I spent all alone when
You could have been mine

And there's nothing I could ever do
To make all of that up to you
But I don't need to
I don't need to

Now I am home
And you have called me Forgiven
And as long as you stay near to me
I'll never want to run away again

Cuz I searched the whole world
From the highest mountain to the sea
But I never found anyone, anything
That compares with your beauty

And I tried every pleasure
That riches could buy
But not one thing, nor all things
Could completely satisfy

For nothing compares with
The glory of your face
And after all of my wandering
I've finally found a resting place

I remember the darkness I lived in so long
Dragged under by all of the things I'd done wrong
Afraid to look at you for fear you'd be frowning
Unwilling to take your hand though I was drowning

My past was a chain that I could not release
Even when in your grace you were offering peace
Too caught up in all of my shame and my suffering
To realize your love was what I was rejecting

And you could have just left me alone with my demons
And you could have just sentenced this sinner to die
But in your great mercy you offered me freedom
And clutching my darkness I spat in your face

So tell me how can you love me when I just reject you?
And how can you still be the one on my side?
Your love is what brought me at last to find freedom
Your grace is what saved me when I would have died

I trembled in darkness, ashamed and alone
My cold, loveless heart was as hard as a stone.
Too frightened to venture outside in the light
Yet hating each moment of this endless night

The demons were whispering lies in my ears
Confounding my doubts and confirming my fears.
I wanted to die and to end all the pain
But ‘twas then that I heard a voice calling my name

“Fear not” the voice said, and I looked all around
Trying vainly to discern the source of this sound
No one could I see, and I thought in despair
“I only imagined that someone was there.”

But again the voice boomed, and it lit a small spark
In my heart where so long there’d been nothing but dark
“Where are you?” I cried, still suspecting some trick
And I peered through the blackness that pressed in so thick

From deep in the shadows a figure came toward me
With kind eyes that knew me and saw who I could be
With a robe white as snow and a face pure and loving
He held out His hand to me, though I was nothing

Then the door opened wide and the light shone in brightly
But this wasn’t a choice that I could take lightly
“I’m too scared” I whispered, my face wet with tears
“Then trust me” He said “and be free of your fears.”

I took one step forward, my heart beating fast
Hope sprung up anew. Would I be free at last?
Bathed in sweet sunlight and breathing fresh air,
Knowing my Savior would always be there,

This was perfection, such sweet paradise
Freedom at last from fear’s cold, clinging vice