I write until I have wrung out every drip
of a thought
until there is absolutely nothing left
to say
until even the driest deserts
seem prosperous in comparison

your face is stuck somewhere
in-between truth and
logical fallacy
I can not decide if you
were a dream
or something of substance

now my hands seem more
like mirror reflections
than of flesh and blood
I am afraid I have
written the life from
my veins

Dream world in an alternate ground reality
where the black trees are shadows
lurking and waiting to consume the firefly
light illuminating my blood
like radioactive sludge pulsing
loving breathing
I want the transcendent mauve sky
to drown me until I am nothing more
than the ideals of humanity
murmuring of the metal birds
and mammals
humming harmoniously with the
beat of my ears
I am not awake
I have been here before
somewhere in a past life
I can feel it rattling in my bones
another radio frequency is found
tomorrow will not come because
everything is here and now
this moment expands as far as the eye can see
and then some
firewood burning inside my eyes
charring my iris
until the blue turns to orange
and the icy barren air fills my lungs
I am a wasteland

spirits of the gray concrete lives lost
in the days that never existed
i hope they dont find me
but my breath is louder than my heartbeat
keeping still in the shadows of
my own hard shell
don’t tell him im here
be silent and immobile

the hardest thing you’ll ever have to do
is let go of it all when there
is nothing left
but the memories that
made it so hard to leave in the first place

the fireplace cackles and spits
i throw in my head
i throw in my head and
it burns and chars
scrapes and melts
but at least i am healthy
at least i am porcelain
pristine

the leather upholstery tickles
that patch of skin behind your knee
but you stay silent -
wouldn’t dare laugh
you blink until there
is no longer a life worth
living, do not blink
i plead
keep your eyes open until
they begin to water
salt water tears
until they are red and
burning with truth
don’t you dare blink
just let them see your smile
as you stick your face in the flames

the curtains in this room are shut
but there is sunlight spilling out from under
and around them
it’s like the world
wants me as much as
I wish I wanted it

the last time we spoke I
forgot to use vowels
and i blamed it on
bad reception,
but it was really just me
your words live
with the dust particles
floating in
negative space -
I breathe you in,
but don’t notice

i decide to keep the curtains closed
at least for today
it’s the only thing i can do
to keep your ghost away

Today my hands are purple.
I quit my job.
I gave a tattoo to a friend.
I was driving home through the night,
and thought about driving
straight off the road and into a tree.
I almost did,
I’m not sure if I’m glad I didn’t.

im too much of a coward to quit my job
so coming this friday
i will not show up for work
or the day after
or the day after

you taught me how and when to keep my mouth shut
and let the silence speak
to be selfless
i have kept my love for you a secret
and it kills me
but my lips will remain super glued together
it is the only way to make you happy
and i am afraid you are just a lesson
not a soulmate
lessons end when you have learned
i can’t come visit you next weekend
im sorry

im too much of a coward to quit my job
so coming this friday
i will not show up for work
or the day after
or the day after

the other day a well respected friend of mine
asked me why i smoked cigarettes
as i was sparking up to light one

i was slightly taken aback by this question
and i never really thought about why
so my immediate response was,
"it’s just something to fill my time with",

but upon further introspection
i realized i smoked because
it was a slow suicide
not abrupt,
but long and drawn out

and i am too afraid to **** myself
quickly