If I were to see the night sky,
A vast sea through a telescope's lens,
depicting each star so brilliantly,
all my mind would travel to, was you.
Your my constant,
the sky above.
Each star reminding me of the twinkle that glimmers in your eyes,
The night sky as vast as the kindness that pools from your spirit.
I wish you could watch this sky with me,
hearing my thoughts,
understanding their origins.
Know how special and wonderful a being you are.
If only I could capture this moment,
pictured on this lens in my hue,
so you could see how you appear to my heart,
so you could see what everyone sees when you walk into a room.
How you have a glow about you,
that somehow manages to cheer a room up,
you bring an aura of fun and kindness where ever you tread.
Just ask anyone.
It's as plain as day.

You say you don't understand yourself,
That your childish.
You say so many things about yourself,
but why can't you be permitted to see through my gaze?
The line of sight that's locked with yours?
I say you don't know the half of it.
You have no idea of how your presence lights up a room.
I know I'm in the same boat,
I can't see myself through your perspective,
and this is just a game of words,
on repeat,
But my heart aches to explain to you these little things,
to show you how amazing you truly are.
Society can fall to ruin,
taking it's principles and corrupt morals with,
But I fell for you and that shining personality.
Not with the beliefs of the system in mind,
But simply because your you.
The wonderful, amazing person that you are.

Isn't it strange?
How a person has a feeling about them?
How a place holds a certain glow?
Every place you visit, every person you meet will have this sense about them.
A feeling you get from just that person, or just that place.
It's as if someone had painted it in a certain hue,
only recognizable to you.
No one will replicate how you see it,
Nor will they sense the place in quite the same way as you.
Yet doesn't everyone feel this way about places and people?
Or could I just be over thinking it once again?

weak.
broken.
Afraid.
Coward.
Shy.
I am a mosaic.
.... or I would be.
I'm still trying,
working hard to pick up the shards,
to glue the pieces back together,
one by one.
It was shattered.
They took turns,
swinging at the glass,
that crowd you see before you.
Those lingering shadows whose harmful words sting my hands,
as glass cuts through.
Blood trickles down my flesh,
old wounds barely healed.
A heart left open,
easily on display,
but fragile as it crashes.
... But a hand reaches to help pick up the pieces,
and more gather,
unaware of the shadows who loom beneath the surface.
So many hands reach out to help,
more than ever before.
And I catch myself in awe of all the people I met,
and the friends who share their kindness with me.
More than ever before,
and my heart can't help but to happily cry as gratitude pools over.
I'm so glad to have met everyone in my life this year.

How I despise this feeling,
this longing,
this greediness.
Your every word feeds my emotions,
sending me into a happy daze,
or fitful tears.
I long for nothing but to spend time with you,
and this busy week that pulls you from me effects me more than I'd like to say.
I despise this consumption of your time,
this need to be with you,
the desire to have you to myself.
I realize you have a life to lead,
and want for you what makes you happy ...
and yet why must I succumb to this heartfelt plea?
To begin crying the moment I hear I can't see you.
Will this need that sends a wave of messages towards you only work against me?
Annoyance and irritation growing in you until you can't stand me?
My insecure heart repeats the record,
as it spins to the tune of,
"I wouldn't want to be with me either"
regardless of how many times you whisper how much you love me.
My inner demons howl their lies,
making me doubt what you have made plain before my eyes,
Showing your love time and again.
And yet my greedy heart longs for more.

Though this dull life of mine may wish,
may hope with every fiber of my being to bring you joy;
There are some things that I can never promise you.

I can't promise you that there will be no more tears,
that sadness will not befall those precious cheeks.
That worries won't sprout and drown out the sun.
I can't promise you that anger will never arise,
and there won't be days were harsh words are said,
and mistakes made.
I can't promise you every second of my life,
my clock beating in constant rhythm to yours.
Nor can you promise me yours.
There will be sadness,
there will be pain.
Tough times will form,
and waves will clash.
But what I can promise you is the sun after the storm.
Just as bad times are inevitable, they will never out-weigh the good.
I can promise you smiles, giggles, and joy;
my heart longing only for yours.
Don't you see the spell you cast around my heart?
you bound it in your words,
chained in your smile.
Though troubling times will be present,
we can always move through the storm.

Why are you not afraid?
Why will you not run away?
Please hurry,
before it's too late.
One such as you,
could never hurt a thing,
but you could never see,
what lies beneath my tears,
the monster that lurks inside.
Run before it gets you,
before you see it's face.
Please hurry away,
That's what always happens,
they always go away.
Because this beast is unshackled,
a breach in the wall,
I could never hold it down.
Why do I see kindness in your eyes?
The emerald gems gleaming,
where there should be fear?
Please I beg of you,
to run away.
Before this beast eats you alive.

Looking into the mirror,
few will see me as I am.
Few could understand - or want to understand,
who I really am.
They see the shy quite girl,
concentrating on my tasks,
who rarely talks,
or looks like she should be left alone.
That's not to say I deny it a part of me.
Who you see is a true part of me - not an act to be put on display,
But the face reflected in the mirror ...
Is someone few would want to meet.
She talks too much,
asks too many deep questions,
and will continue to question the universe and past throughout the late hours of the night - my thinking time.
I laugh over the slightest of things,
sings loudly and terribly to music.
My reflection shows a contradicting side of myself,
someone who I'm terrified will frighten everyone away.
In this fading world,
everyone will disappear from my side.
Or so I used to fear.
The echoes of my mind scream things that could drive anyone to insanity.
I'm not good enough,
I deserve to be alone,
I'm a terrible person.
The list continues.
The never ending stream building into a void within my thoughts.
That is my reflection.

Sitting there - being amused on your phone,
Or even still half asleep,
He comes over to you,
Not the least bit cautious,
excited for any attention he can seek.
He tends to enjoy the company,
of anyone who will pet him,
Though is usually more careful of who he gains admiration from.
But this time,
I think my cat's adopted you.

I wanted to write a poem,
In which I captured your very essence in nature,
to personify all that you are,
by using the most gorgeous of things.
But instead I came to realize something.
You are the very essence of Autumn.
Your smile glows as brightly as the moon when all else appears dark,
It's a time of childlike awe and wonder,
a cheerful season whose very existence is based on fun.
The colorful leaves sigh your name as they float to the earth,
their dazzling colors shaping a happy atmosphere,
wishing to go with a bang of color,
the star of the show before winter rolls around.
You can hear the crowds murmuring their adoration for the trees,
For the light breezes you enjoy,
Before the snow begins to fall,
and the world turns cold.
And so I had wanted to write a poem,
one where I captured your very essence in nature,
by using the most gorgeous of creations.
But instead I came to find that,
You are the very essence of Autumn.

Even the falling of the leaves,
in their beautiful state of discoloration,
will soon wither away into nothingness.
This is not to say that their inevitable end is rooted in tragedy,
but rather to make way for the new.
Their end brings with it the cold winds,
the details wisps of frost,
and soon the gentle falling of flakes,
that dance across the sky.
It does not mean that when they die they will be forgotten.
No.
They always remain in our hearts.
Fall is a special time of year,
one many get excited over,
but whose to say it's more so than any other.
Winter pierces the heart,
with it's wind and frost,
than warms it again with cocoa and lights,
a time of year for family and those you most treasure.
Autumn may end quickly,
but it always goes in a fading hue of colors,
One that will never be forgotten.

We are of one Universe,
One Galaxy.
But is this really so?
I am a galaxy,
filled with stars and planets,
fragments of the past.
These atoms manifest,
becoming the makeup of my very soul.
You are your own galaxy,
shining stars,
new-forming planets,
along with the pre-created.
But isn't it impossible,
that galaxies would collide?
Thy are separate beings,
unable to understand the creation of another.
Each planet unique,
each star too distant to truely see.
No galaxies could come close to touching,
nor could even hope to completely understand another -
and yet the empathetic human heart,
that lays in the very core of the galaxy,
is not without some compassion,
and a desire to not be all alone,
in the universe we are trapped within.

Your eyes portray a childish gleam,
hopeful and bright,
as if excitement was second nature to you.
They cast diamonds of light,
holding traces of warmth.
The sky resides within you,
the stars twinkling back with each glance.
It's not as though that sky has never seen clouds in it's forecasting,
It's because of the rain that they gleam so brightly.
No sky could exist without it.
And yet these stars are a galaxy.
They hide the soul,
keeping stories upon stories on each new star.
Undiscovered and shining more brilliantly than the last.
It's a wonder to behold,
And I count myself lucky to have seen this treasure trove of stars.

As a kid I wanted to bike,
to be able to skate,
I wanted to be active,
and keep up with my athletic cousins,
our only friends growing up.
But I was not made to endure such labors.
In fact,
I'd sooner give up.
Strange for someone as stubborn as me.
I never learned how to ride a bike after falling off one too many times.
I couldn't skate after needing to hold tightly onto anything I could grasp.
After frightening roller coaster rides when I was little,
I soon gave that up as well.
I never was a thrill seeker.
And yet here I stand.
After failing time and again when I was little,
I soon accepted I just can't cartwheel.
And yet with achy elbows,
and everything else that plummeted to the floor,
only to rather become a roll,
here I go again.
Trying to do a cartwheel.
Just once more.

Family is a rose.
It's scent and language so sweet,
but having dangerous thorns when you poke it just right.
Family is the wind,
A comforting gentle breeze with the capability of a tornado.
It is a long day in the snow,
Where it's comforting and beautiful,
But can turn to frostbite if you stay too long.
It's a long swim,
when the water feels just right,
But you shrivel up after a while.
Family can be a bittersweet thing.

The human heart has guarded itself.
It builds layer upon layer of walls.
A different mask for every occasion,
and few will ever see what lies beneath.
Some walls you have created,
others were built for you.
With or against your own wishes.
Until you loose yourself in them,
And can't distinguish yourself,
from that of the mask.

this
problem,
my worry
dissipating,
Dissolving,
It's scattering.
And Shrinking.
blurring from what,
once was evident until
the burden begins to lessen so.
This worry of mine is slowly morphing,
transforming,
Transcending the boundary that once was
And now we'll just have to wait and see.
To find out what comes next.

I have a soft heart.
Not in the way of kindness,
Nor angelicness,
Because I do not believe I am either.
But in the way that it is fragile,
Easily maimed and torn.
But it's also easily delighted and embarrassed.
You cause my soft heart to leap and bound,
Singing towards the sky.
My soft heart has little experiance,
And you,
Being the adorable cuddly one you are,
Cause my heart to take flight,
My soul flying with it.
My mind then leaves its quarters,
As my thoughts roll out the window.
And I am left in a happy daze,
Wondering if I'll ever wake from this dream.

Roses, petals,
Golds and silvers,
glitter, diamonds,
Laughs and giggles.
Everything you are.
Happiness and my joy.
Spite, torment,
Backstabbing and hate,
Judgement, sorrow,
Tears and agony,
Drama, pain.
How they treat us.
I'm so sorry.
I never hoped that they could be so cruel.
My own family is ganged against me.
I knew they did not support me,
That they can't even be happy for me.
But to go as far as talking behind my back?
Why do they want this for me?
Why would they stab a wound into their own family?
I never wanted for you to get hurt,
I hoped that they would just relent,
And leave me be.
My decision not theirs.
Because you are my happiness.
The cause for my sorrow to turn to joy.
Yet they wish I had never found the happiness you give to me.
Those who I believed would never turn on me.

I am worried for her,
for her future,
for all the school she's missing.
Worried that I can't be there and hold her till all of the nightmares go away,
worried that I'm not good enough,
that I've failed her.
Scared to death of her loosing this race,
that she means every threat she utters to herself,
That she's not teasing us as she says she is,
that her nightmare's will  become her reality,
more so than they already are.
They say not to worry,
to concentrate on school,
and not let it affect my grades,
and I'm trying to,
but I can't help but tear up at where her life may take her.
There was a meeting recently,
in order to spread awareness to the cause,
and after fleeing the building,
tears wanted to build up,
And let out my anguish,
But my eyes are dry and unable to cry for once.
A rare occasion.
Few understand how horrible it's effects,
how much the creatures torment her,
I can't even imagine what she goes through each day,
as we just watch as they eat her alive,
and the rest of the world calls her insane,
a danger to society.
It's getting worse,
day by day.
medication failing,
tests being reevaluated.
They told us it was psychosis,
that it wasn't as bad as it could be ...
only to find out it's worse.
How can I not be worried?
My thoughts are a vicious cycle.

I have highs and lows.
I've been told this.
More so than most.
One moment could starkly contrast the next,
as I move from joy to sorrow,
from happiness to gloom.
I've swept issues under the rug,
my heart being buried alive
by their dark comments.
and things that happened to me as a child.
I refused to cry,
to let others know,
and so the dust grew and grew over my heart,
until it was buried alive.
And now that poor soul weeps,
at the most random of times.
Over an ice-cream cone gone awry,
or stupid instances.
Anger pounds it's way to where it doesn't belong,
being taken out on those it never should've touched,
a misplaced frustration,
screaming out from the buried heart.
Buried beneath the weight of low self esteem.

I have no faith in myself.
I cannot believe that this is true.
I live in a dream,
and you are that dream.
I wish for someone to share these feelings and the dream responds.
How could you like someone like me?
How is it possible?
I'm not cute,
Not even pretty.
My personality is gloomy and shy,
I am the moon,
while you are the sun.
Such a bright and cheerful existence,
but the sun and moon can never see each other.
as the saying goes,
their as different as night and day.
How could you ever like someone like me?
It shouldn't be possible.
God forgot to create my special someone.
I am alone.
That's all I've ever been.
And then you came around.
All smiles and jokes,
a laugh that resounds throughout the room,
a melody on repeat.
Such a wonderful person should not be contrasted by one as gloomy as me.
I don't want to be a burden to you.
All these pieces of thoughts,
could only be called:
My Insecurities.

I wish you could understand how often I have these thoughts,
these wants of mine,
that I slowly tolerate and repress.
The joy of wanting to surprise you with a sudden hug,
or to lay my head against your shoulder.
But I am a mouse,
too afraid to come out from my hole,
too worried about how my heart will burst from my chest.
yet these thoughts remain.
Nagging at me,
wishing I could bring up my courage enough to.

A blur.
That's the best name for a day like today.
Where it impedes on your vision,
as it does memory.
Where little is accomplished,
and yet so much needs to be done.
Where dizziness settles in,
and all you're doing is just existing.
Days like this are perfect for napping ...
until you can't anymore and are laying there ...
silently existing again,
With nothing but your thoughts to accompany you.
Your screaming thoughts that refuse to go away.
Not the sweet love driven ones,
capable of fixing any mountain of gloom,
but that created from worry and anxiety,
where everything seems muffled,
in a dark hue.
Where every worry and insecurity,
that usually creep in the corners of the mind,
come forth to haunt you.
If anything at all,
today was a blur.

I saw something new,
flickering within you.
I felt something new,
Slowly burning within me.
That time he called me sweet-cheeks,
and you got so defensive,
to the point of holding me protectively.
Your embarrassingly cute questions,
over whether or not flirting with party members,
is something D & D could allow.
Just sitting beside you,
drives my mind wild,
and our conversations speed my heart rate.
The time we shared during our first slow dance,
The dance recital you ventured to with me,
all these little glimmers of happiness,
I'll keep tucked away.
In a special box overflowing with joy.

So near yet so far,
All I can see is you,
There's no one here,
and all I can do,
is think about you.
I need to concentrate,
to get my work done.
But all I can do,
Is listen to you,
the clicking of your keyboard,
as you diligently work,
the soft sounds of your breathing,
being here,
well and alive.
You think I'd be able to do my work,
to continue my studies,
but my mind keeps wandering to you,
From across the small room.
These words I'd hardly be ale to say,
how much you fog my mind,
how little I'm able to concentrate,
being so close to you.
And yet I enjoy your company,
despite my silence,
and at times awkward talking.
I'm so shy,
and never know what to do or say,
but being with you,
That's all I need.

All Hanshin Kyojin,
That's what we are.
I never imagined I'd one day have my very own Otani.
But somehow it seems so fitting,
That my favorite manga,
Could become my reality.
And like Risa told Otani,
I'll now tell you,
Whenever I see you,
"You make me fall in love all over again."

The moonlight glints through the windows,
The light playing in your hair.
How I wish the clock would slow,
And this time continue forever.
I know that he will come,
And our time alone will hault.
But for now,
For this magical moment,
Let me learn more about you,
Flood myself with knowledge of you,
What makes you smile,
Which memories are bitter sweet.
Times where that laugh played through the air,
A melody so soft and sweet.
Or when you shed those glistening tears,
When something touched your heart.
Flood me with knowledge of all these little details.
But don't let the clock race on.
For he will come,
And our time will hault,
Just slow the ever ticking clock,
Let these memories last a little longer.

During the most odd hours of the day,
I find myself craving you,
Imagining your warm embrace,
Desiring to be in your arms,
Thoughts so unlike myself,
So greedy and relentless,
Flow through,
Wishing you were here,
So I could lean my head on your shoulder,
Cast myself from reality,
So I could be with you.

Why must I splatter my mind across the page?
All of my bent up confusion and now happiness,
simply ink across the page.
How many poems have I wrote about you?
How many times have you entered my thoughts?
At least a dozen poems,
at least a thousand thoughts.
I overthink everything I do.
My mind constantly overworked,
and underpaid,
for all of it's forced labor.
And yet,
It seems unreal,
as though I'm living in a dreamworld.
I must be thinking too much.

I'm walking on air,
Happiness spreads through me in tendrils,
as if wings have sprouted forth.
There is no cloud nine,
just miles of sky for me to soar through,
and yell how much I adore you.
How lucky I am,
How happy I am.
But I couldn't.
I'm too shy,
All I can do is to whisper these words,
into the corner of pages,
that will never be read.

They say beauty is fleeting,
and I couldn't agree more,
but the beauty of the heart is eternal.
One could never fall in love for looks,
that's so clique,
and should not be considered true love,
But your personality drew me closer to you.
Your smile never fails to dazzle me,
your laugh is always charming.
Such a sweet outgoing soul
That has captured my heart.

I'm always stuck,
whether it's trapped in my own sadness,
or too excited for words.
Two extremes that rarely meet.
Until I met you.
Now even when I'm caught in gloom
you easily bring me to smile and laugh,
and somehow I know I'll be okay.

Have you ever had that moment,
when your heart almost stopped?
Where time froze over,
and your mind ceased in it's tracks?
Or even when they seemed to over flow,
like countless drops on a rainy day,
where they passed too quickly too acknowledge,
but the gentle sound proved their existence?
And nothing else seemed to matter.

Don't say such sweet things,
don't you know what your doing?
These words fire not arrows,
but launch missiles at my heart,
and with each,
my heart explodes a little,
into shimmering pieces,
that dance to the ground in fragments.

Words won't flood forth,
nor tell what my heart truely says,
How often do I think of you,
how often do I wish to see you,
and to be able to tell you,
that time we spend together is the best part of my day.
That I await such moments anxiously.
But my heart quivers at saying such words,
and grow more and more nervous.
I question everything I do or say,
until I remain quiet.
Hidden in a shield of shyness,
When inside I'm dying of happiness,
just standing next to you.

There's a drip somewhere,
echoing inside my mind,
I try to ignore it,
to not realize how often my thoughts bring me back,
to that constant stream,
of echoing water.
I realize that I've lost my senses,
and my thoughts can no longer pertain to one topic,
but keep flowing back,
to the echoing that is so enchanting.
I make little mistakes in my daily life,
more clumsy now than ever,
As my concentration melts away into nothingness.
I can't seem to get you off my mind.

Why am i not alone?
You have not left my side.
It's been about a week,
And yet here you are.
I'm so quiet,
I barely make a sound,
Conversations do not poor from me,
And yet you stay.
I'm not used to being liked,
I'm inexperienced,
And am shy about my affection,
And yet still you stay.
I talk too much,
I don't talk at all.
... why are you still here?
Can you really care about someone like me?
What's created from two monsters,
Could only ever be a monster,
But are you really okay with that?
All my problems and stress,.
I'd never want to put you through,
But even so,
Are you still okay with being by my side?
I don't deserve you.
Someone as sweet and kind as you,
Whose laughter brightens my day,
And smile makes my heart melt.
Why would someone as bright as you,
Ever like someone like me?
I'll never be good enough to deserve all your kindness.

Why is it that humans are such lonely creatures,
That we need something to mimic our feelings?
We need writing,
To prove through words that what we feel is real.
We need art,
To splatter a canvas with our emotions,
To create something that mimics what's inside our hearts.
We need music in order breath,
So that others can put into words,
Want we dare not say.
Yes,  humans are such lonely souls,
Who need only to realize that what we feel is real.

I'm beginning to wonder if these butterflies will ever end.
If everytime I hear your name,
If everytime I see your face,
Or you cross my mind,
These butterflies will refuse to quit.
Nerves are a strange thing,
That sets admiration,
and the fear of losing you,
in my heart.
Each time I want to speak to you,
The words shy away,
Everytime I want to tease you,
or have the urge to mess with your hat,
The butterflies haunt me.
Why am i so shy in liking you?

I swear my thoughts are out flying on a cloud,
Watching the leaves plummet to the ground.
Dancing before fall turns to winter.
Their colors match my vivid heart,
So full of happiness.
It sings the notes,
Creating a chorus,
To fit the choreography of the leaves.

Why does my mind drift off,
Imagining you,
And how your laugh fills a room?
How your smile could war against the sun and still be considered even brighter?
Of how nervous you make me?
And yet so happy.
Imagining how lucky I am,
That you share these feelings.

If I could draw a million dangos,
I would.
But I'd prefer to draw you.
It seems to be almost an obsession.
An impulse I need to tame.
Drawing how your hat sits across your ashen hair,
And your lips part in the sweetest smile.
Even sorrow suits you well,
As I wish to relieve you from your pain.
Such a kind soul should be drawn at least once,
Set in eternity through paper and ink.
If I could draw a million dangos I would,
But I'd prefer to draw you,
Time and time again.

Silence my heart,
You pound with joy too much.
Your dancing leaving me breathless.
Silence my mind,
You weave too many thoughts,
that spin in ever-chanting gears.
Silence my fingers,
your tapping leaves words too often written,
and with many gaps left unresolved,
Silence my mouth,
you speak far too often,
when you know not what to say.
Silence my heart,
you beat much too fast,
and leave me in exhaustion.