Sparks burst,
so many dazzling colors,
They illuminate the sky with a multicolored passion.
Their trails of smoke an aurora in the night sky.
Flashes of gold interlace with greens and fiery reds.

I've been scheming so many things,
figuring out how to show my love for you.
I think I found the best way,
I know what I need to do.
And yet,
I hesitate.
Not because I don't want to go through with it,
I've given it plenty of thought,
but because I'm not courageous enough.
I've stood on stages,
dancing for hundreds,
read personal poems for groups,
Done new things by myself with the worry of messing up,
yet none have left me so anxious as this.
Yet it leaves me embarrassed.
Nervous for the day to come.
I know what I must do,
but this knowledge brings worry with it.

I've never felt flustered for so long,
Never have I turned so easily red,
and yet it's been on my mind so much,
I keep wondering - how can I tell you,
How can I explain in a way that won't embarrass me from head to toe?
And the answer is simple: There isn't.
For even the smallest of hints will be so minimal,
So many friends keep saying the same thing,
but I'm too shy,
too embarrassed,
It's not as though I don't want to,
Nor as though I can't,
It's simply new territory,
and I'm too shy to initiate such a thing.
I love them to the moon and back,
for millennium to come,
And this is the best way to surprise them,
to show my love,
my appreciation,
..... and yet I'm way too shy.
Plan C : Activated.

Passing quickly goes the hands of the clock,
bringing me closer to the day.
She hates this day,
the day she swears she was tricked,
her child being torn from her,
but that's not true.
For the babe would've died in her arms years ago.
But for me,
This upcoming day represents compassion,
empathy for others,
and now comes to symbolize the ever growing love that blossoms in my heart.
It was the day when I did not receive many cards or candy from classmates,
But instead drew home-made cards and handed out candy to everyone so in turn they would not go without.
It represents my love of everything romantic,
and a fleeing of the lonely forces,
that was once all I knew.
With each passing year this date comes to mean so many wonderful things,
And each year easily out dos the previous,
and so I welcome with outstretched arms my first Valentine's Day in a relationship.

She grew angry,
it wasn't for the first time.
She speaks her mind,
her mouth a fountain when she thinks somethings unjust.
Maybe she didn't realize you were busy,
maybe she was stressed,
Regardless of why,
She was angry.
Angry because I told her I text too much,
saying that that's impossible when your in a relationship.
Angry that I was moping after the dance,
and unable to put on a smile.
Angry that you were busy and didn't say bye to me,
Or let me know where you were headed.
I told her it was no big deal,
that you've been stressed,
that you've been busy.
But she seems so worried for me.
Though she really doesn't need to.
I understand what went on,
and I used to such things.
Maybe I was upset too,
maybe I cried,
but that seems to have become a normality that I can't escape.
I'm used to so much worse,
Being ignored,
Being teasing,
hated,
a misfit,
I'm used to them all,
So why can't I get used to not being with you?
To the point of my eyes welling up with tears?
I thought I lost them all,
That they shriveled away when he left me.
And yet,
here I am again.
Balling my eyes out,
but this time,
for no reason to be found.

Why can't I believe,
that in your heart you hold something for me?
Even a glimmer of love I mistake for empty words.
And yet I know you,
these aren't lies your spouting forth,
and they come from your heart.
You love me,
I just have grown numb to feeling your passion.
I am incapable of understanding that you reciprocate these emotions,
that we feel the same.
And yet you make it so plain to see.
Even a short day being unable to see you,
I hate how much it weakens me.
How much disgust I hold,
a gun pointed at my heart,
for how much I miss seeing you,
When you were here only moments ago.
And yet,
My ever-flowing tears seem to well up,
just because I miss you.
Perhaps I will create an ocean,
or flood the world.
Creating a new Atlantis from my tears.
It's not that you made me sad,
That would never be the case.
When I see you,
I swear I fly to the moon and back,
Joy my fuel,
a full tank set in motion.
I wish that light would not have it's shadows,
that only joy could exist in this life,
But darkness adds the light to happiness,
making it seem to much brighter.
I just wish that my emotions wouldn't be so severe.
And I could one day realize that you love me,
these feelings are reciprocated.

My loved one,
I know you care,
that your heartbeat beats as one with mine,
a resonating sound,
A tuning fork that hums in the same rhythm as mine.
There are days when we're so alike,
so connected,
and all I want to do is to burst from smiling.
But why do these emotions taint these happy thoughts?
Why must I be so insecure?
So afraid that you'll fade from sight?
As though I'm happier at seeing you,
than you could ever be to see me?
Not that I could blame you,
Not that I don't understand.
I'm not someone people should get attached to.
My sweet,
these insecurities are rooted in a friendship I've made long ago,

Loneliness is my friend,
and with it no one else will come.
Or if they do,
It is nothing more than a brief encounter,
for I am invisible,
and any friends that I meet will surely leave me.
And yet by saying so,
I feel as though I'm underestimating my friends.
That's not the case,
Its just all I have ever known -
The covers of loneliness I have lived in,
Who else has comforted me as much as solitude?
Who was there on those days when I wondered the darkness at recess,
When words were said,
bullets fired from their mouths,
And I, a transparent apparition,
could do nothing but exist without truely living.
Loneliness was by my side,
whispering how it will always stay by my side.
Conditioning me to trust him.
Earning my loyalty,
that will not easily fade no matter how much I wish.
Nothing in this world is permanent.
I will wither and die,
much like you who hear these words.
You cannot possibly say that you can stay by my side.
Everyone else has faded from my life,
These new friends are sure to either hate the real me,
or move on with their daily lives,
I,
a passing existence.
A number,
in the multitude of masses of souls drifting through this world.