Nobody know the battle that I face daily, they say the eyes are the window to the soul but the eyes are the most deceiving part of it all. They tell you lies they can make you feel judged, loved, and hated sometimes. The eyes aren’t the windows to the soul they are the windows to the mind.

The marks upon my skin scream at me. Telling me I'm worthless and ugly and fat. They tell me things like I'm better off dead.

   The blood reminds me that I'm human, that I am still capable of feeling things. The blood reminds me of my heart that I try so hard to no longer feel.

    The hunger makes me feel hollow, as if I could blow away in the wind. As if I were paper thin.

    The mirror makes me cry. It shows me my flaws and imperfections. It shows me everything I try so hard to hide. It shows me my scars, my stretch marks,and my sunken in eyes.

She screamed out Daddy please don't go! And right there in that moment Daddy no longer became a person but a wish something Santa didn't bring her last year so she would ask just one more time. 5 years later she was in class it was "daddy's day". As her teacher walked away to get another coloring page cause the last five weren't  enough to keep her occupied! She started to cry and whispered Daddy please don't go! She remembered that night her daddy left her promising he would soon be back but he was never to return and she was left there crying all by herself. Little girl needed her daddy's but daddy ditched her.

Just take a shower they say, just clean yourself off they say, it will make you feel better. but They don't really know do they? because they haven't a been where I have been they don't know what I know. just take a nap they say, sleep it off they say, slap on some make up, drink some water. just take a shower.  depression doesn't just fade away it's something that stays. they haven't seen the things I have seen,they haven't heard the thoughts that I have heard, so stop trying  to help. don't tell me to take a shower, don't tell me to slap on some make up. Don't make up this ******* to make me feel better because it doesn't. because a shower won't wash away depression.