You paint your love
On my arms with tender
Hesitant fingers
And question
Beg for something more
With darkness of your eyes
Gently caress my heart
With bittersweet apologies
Promise that you wish
You’d never hurt me
I try so hard to stay
Away from your poison
But like always
You pull me into you
I’m fragile
Not like glass but like
A flower
Dying, petals falling off
Wilting
Your hands too harsh
To hold the dust I’ve become
But I never could resist you
So I break
And I’ll keep breaking for you
Heart shattered
Soul split
I’ll find peace in pieces

You once told me
We all have our secrets
Everyone wears their own mask
Because being open’s too hard
And being vulnerable is frickin’ scary
And I laughed
Even as I felt the truth in your words
Later, when it was quiet
And still in the dark
My lips found yours and
My hands found their way to your face
And the seam
With your hands were occupied
In the tangle of my hair
I pulled away your mask
And you let me
I always thought you were lovely
A nice guy, but nothing too incredible
But when I held your mask in my hands
And met your naked eyes
I thought you were beautiful
The kind of beautiful that hurts
Because you see it even in your soul
Even if I were blind
You would still be beautiful
You’re that kind of wonderful
As the sun rose around us
Painting the moment in rose light
My lips found yours again
But I kept my mask in place
And as the light returned
You slid back into yours
Protective armor for the day ahead
We all have our secrets
You laughed
And let me keep mine

I love you in the evening
When the mist is cool
And the dark around us
With the stars above us
I love you in the morning
With your hair all a mess
And the warmth of the bed
Still cloaks us
I love you in the afternoon
When you eat lunch
While I watch the sun glint
Off the red in your hair
And laugh as you tell me I should eat
I love you in the dark
Hidden and secret
But I love you in the light
Even as my flaws are evident
Next to your perfection
I’ve never met anyone as perfect as you
That’s not to say you’re flawless
You have more flaws than almost anyone
I’ve ever known
But they’re beautiful wonderful flaws
So unlike the scars I bear
The scars you only half see
But twist and poke at
Until I bleed again
So I bleed out my love for you
In the evening
The morning
The afternoon
In the dark and in the light

My gaze burns, you say
Flames spew from my eyes
To char your soul
Fire, you call me
Burning up your life
I’m ignited, you say
Flames licking up my legs
Cremating my heart
Ironic
How my presence makes your sweat
Yet you make me shiver
Ice, frosts over your eyes
Icicles hang from your arms
Frozen, deep down to your heart
Clouded snowflakes hang in your breath
As you breathe out your cold words
So fire melts ice
And I burn you up
As you freeze the life out of me
Still we can’t seem to give each other up
Mutual destruction assured
Still we press on
Heated words and cold silences
Like fire meeting ice
We were never meant to be
Yet, here we are

It’s been a while
He nods, eyes still firmly locked on the ground
Pointedly not meeting mine
I mean since we talked last
I’ve seen him often enough
Everyday like a **** knife in the gut
It really doesn’t have to be this hard you know
I lie through gritted teeth
Because even being near him now
I’ve begun to drown in his **** magnetic pull
My chest constricting in panic
As I realize I’m being pulled in again
He raises his head and his eyes are like hot pokers
****** deep into my soul
I stumble a bit
And he mistakes it for my usual clumsiness
Missing how much the sadness, I see
Buried in his hazel orbs, hurts me
Why?
The word takes me by surprise
As does the haunted aspect of his voice
Why him and not me?
I can tell how long he’s held onto these words
In the desperate rasp that takes over his usually smooth tone
I’ve been asking myself the very same question
Why did I choose him?
Was it to hold my hand
Or to hold my hand in the flame
I don’t know
He looks down again
Unsatisfied and hurting, just as before
I wish so badly I could save him
And halt the pain
But I tear through his life like a wrecking ball
As he burns up my world with his ever present pull
Destroying any peace I might find
I loved you
In the pause are all the things we’ve never talked of
The heaviness of his unspoken words hangs
Thickening the air
‘Til I can hardly breathe
My chest is tight and my heart aches
As it pounds away dully
Too tired to race at his declaration of affection long past
Too tired of his rollercoaster drama
We wouldn’t have burned out like that
I sighed hearing my fears confirmed in his deep timbre
We could have had something, something special
He was the better choice, I was wrong
This whole time I was wrong
As I've known all along
I’m sorry*
I feel his eyes on my back as I leave
Everything else still unspoken
But somehow clear to both of us
The pain of being near has taken its toll
And I stumble as I turn the corner
Tears already pricking at the corners of my eyes
I turn to see if he saw
But he’s gone already
Always gone

I died a few months ago
I don’t know if you remember now
It was cold, frost sort of swirled in the wind
And burned in your frigid eyes
My fingers were numb and blue as I typed the last words to you
And my last breath came in that visible fog that cold makes
Almost a sob, but also a bit of a shivering shutter
My heart pounded out one final thud
Tired of racing at your smiles and sorrowful good byes
My eyes glazed over with that now ever present frost
And I wished, just wished, to hear your laugh once again
As the sounds faded away
In the brilliant white noise
And finally into silence
The silver blade clattered on the floor
And splattered the clear cold of my tears across the white tile
I watched as the red seeped through the tan
And I smiled
Nearly laughed at the bubbly feeling that boiled within me
The next day at school
You breath kind of hitched when you saw me
There was a sort of spasm in your throat as you gulped
As if you wished you could swallow back the last words you’d said to me
I wondered if you saw the frost and the blue
I wondered if you realized I didn’t breathe as I walked
Or as I sat
I wondered if you noticed the dullness of my skin
Without the blood pounding behind it
Did you regret it then?
Did you wish you hadn’t given up on us?
You must have glanced at me a thousand times
Funny how you never noticed I was dead

I had a blue phase
But it wasn’t a sad phase
More of a ‘you’ phase
Because you are so blue
To your very core
But a happy overly friendly and helpful blue
With its sorrows hidden away in its rich depth
And purple undertones
After meeting you
And being with you
It’s impossible not to associate you with blue
Considering your slightly insane obsession with it
But it’s also funny
Since blue is the ocean, the river, the deep cool lake
Or the overly chlorinated public pool
And you can’t swim a stroke
Oh irony…
You are irony
The nice guy that wouldn’t ever hurt me
But who made me hurt myself the most
Trying to protect
The one I was already so close to
A relationship shouldn’t have been much of a stretch
But the one I ended up farthest from
The one who wrote melodies in scores
Just for me
But the reason I stopped playing
Music reminds me too much of you
You are music
The deep melodic kind that touches the soul
The way you touched my heart
Gently and sweet
So moving and tear jerking
In you sad purple undertones
You are rain
That slips through my fingertips
Leaving only the vague impression of ever being there at all
Only a slight bit of azure beneath my nails
But you are flames across my heart
Scarring deeper than you’ll ever know
Warmer than I’ve been in the longest time
You are the sun
Warming everything about you
And shedding bright light on all my flaws
You are wind
Whispering your way in through the cracks in my soul
But intangible as ever
Still you push through
Leaving blue in your wake
On my sunglasses
That block out the sun and your brilliance
Because it hurts so much when I’m so dull
My candles
That feed my pyromaniac addiction to flames
I’m just always addicted to that which can bring me pain
My clothes
The ones I bought just to please you
And to get your attention of course
Even my diary
Where all my laments over you reside
Blue
Like you
I had a blue phase
And I can’t seem to get rid of it