Annabel Lee

Annabel Lee Jun 2012

I ran wild and free
Happy to live, just dashing through life
Then one day you chased
And I fell into your arms
And into your smile
I ran away from you once
And you didn’t exactly chase
But you followed
I ran away from you twice
And it took a while
But we fell back into the same patterns
I fell in love with you once
But you chose her
My beautiful best friend
Making me feel wonderfully inferior
Again
It seems to be a special talent of yours
I fell in love with you twice
But I was scared
For good reason
So I ran into his open arms
Stupid, perhaps
But understandable
After all the pain you put me through
I ran away from you thrice
And you did not chase
You did not follow
And we did not fall back into the same patterns
We froze
Our friendship turned to ice
Because I couldn’t bear the thought of losing you
In a passionate romance
(That would have felt second hand after her anyways)
Instead of losing you to the flames of desire
I lost you to the ice of betrayal
I wish so dearly
So deeply
That we could thaw
But I can’t fall in love with you thrice
It might break me
And I’ve already had to pick up the pieces
Without you
Too many times
So I’ll keep running
Wishing you’d follow, yet glad you don’t

Annabel Lee Jun 2012

Insomnia

I don’t sleep anymore
Because sleeping means dreams
And I hate to dream anymore
Not because they twist into terrible nightmares
But because they glide into lovely fantasy
Back to when there was you and me
And with such lovely dreams
Where happiness still lives
It’s harder and harder to wake up
I don’t stay awake because I hate dreaming
but because I hate waking up

Annabel Lee May 2012

To Write on the Sky

I try to write on the sky
so at least my words can be free
to fly
far far away
but they become trapped
between the birds and the trees
surrounded by feathers and green
so I try to write on the leaves
that blow so beautifully in the wind
but they are trapped again
caught amongst the branches
not even my words can escape
they too are trapped
so I write in the soil
grounded to earth
endlessly stuck

Annabel Lee May 2012

Just Friends

You sit beside me and I’m warm
I slide into your arms
Like coming home
Your smile can just light up my world

But we’re just friends
Please don’t push
Please don’t ask for more
Because, we’re just friends

You call me beautiful
And brush the hair from my eyes
Gentle with my porcelain heart
That warms to your touch

But we’re just friends
Please don’t push
Please don’t ask for more
Because, we’re just friends

Your eyes meet mine
In a sudden spark
Fireworks just from holding your hand
And I know if this keeps up
I’ll want more

But we’re just friends
Please don’t push
Please don’t ask for more
Because, we’re just friends

Your words escape
Like bubbles from your lips
Your perfect soft lips
How can such perfection say such hurtful words?
Love?
Please don’t make me cry
I need you here
In the real world
Where love can’t exist
I need you to help me brave the storm

But we’re just friends
Please don’t push
Please don’t ask for more
Because, we’re just friends

If you keep pounding away
I’ll shatter like glass
I know it’s not fair
And I want you too
But I’m broken enough already
Losing you might **** me

So, we’ll just be friends
Please don’t push
Please don’t ask for more
Because, we’re just friends

Annabel Lee May 2012

Ghost Boy

I wish I did not love you anymore
Because loving you is like loving the wind
Intangible and impossible
You’re hardly here before you’ve gone away
Like a ghost
You live more in memory than in the physical world
And memories won’t warm your bed at night
But still I wait for you
My soul cries out for you and there’s little I can do to stop it
I miss you, more than I can say
It’s an ache that won’t leave
A constant buzzing in the back of my head
A gaping emptiness in the air about me
But still you go on as you do
Hardly existing in my world at all anymore
And I shout, angrily trying to get you attention
I scream, trying to make you notice me
I yell and you go on ghosting
Because it’s easier to deal with than my anger
And you ignore my fits as they build in intensity
Until finally I can’t take it anymore
And we explode in another mess of hurled insults and painful truths
And I walk out, tired of you leaving me
But I always come back
To your intangible impossible love
God, how I wish I did not love you anymore

Annabel Lee May 2012

Happiness Brought Back

Body electric
From the edges of my fingers
To the borders of my toes
Tight with tension as a bright flame flashes in the dark
Orange burst illuminates and then dies
Bright glow gives way to pitch black
Cloudy smoke shifts in the dark wind
Laughter choked with coughs of the abysmal fumes of ecstasy
Orange flits into being again and extinguishes just as quickly
The tree shift nervously in the breeze
Fresh air washes away the smog
Bringing a beautiful clear scent
Like cotton candy on the wind
Laughter again
Loud and hectic
As we tumble out and onto the street
Stumbling over our own feet
Moon bright
World bright in the darkness
Follow the din of crushed beer cans and crackling logs
Warmth in their smiles and the flames
As each greets us in turn
Here all begins and ends tonight
Love, laughter, and sorrow drowned
Spinning wildly in the cold wind
Stumbling around in a desperate search
Circled by leaves and wind
And paranoid ramblings
Moon larger brighter
On the warm wind
These are the nights

Annabel Lee May 2012

My Mind is Boxes

During the day
My mind is boxes
Each part locked away carefully
One box for sadness
Another for pain
But the happiness box up front
For everyone to see
Even when I’m only pretending
Every part of the day
Packed gently away
Every pain, every sorrow, every new wound
Tightly sealed off
Until later
In the quiet safe emptiness of my room
All of it is unpacked
Carefully unwrapped and reviewed
At night my mind comes undone
And the boxes disappear into the jumble of emotion
Slowing being ****** into the deep blackness
That lives in the farthest back box
In the deepest depth of my mind
Its own box, a bit too small to contain it
As it consumes everything around
Emptying the happiness box
******* the laughter container dry
Until morning breaks once more
And the boxes return to disguise the darkness
Shoving the hollow happiness box in the front
And hiding the bursting dark box in the back
The masks returns once more
And my mind is in boxes