I miss you.
I miss the love that would flood through my veins, this love has lived in my soul my whole life.
It was born because i was, it was a gift to me just because I was there.
Your love has lived inside my soul for my entire life, not because of all the good I offer but because I am your granddaughter not by blood, by choice.
My graditude is infinite for loving me and all my baggage, and for doing everything on this earth to make me happy and feel special and believe in me.
Being away from you and topsail island makes me feel lopsided, like I’m missing a part of myself.
I miss being next to the beach,
I can smell sunscreen everywhere like it’s perfume
I have never missed anywhere as much as I miss being next to the beach and in my grandmothers arms.

I love you for everything you are, everything you've done and everything you will do.
You hold my heart
You give me guidance and love
You have been damaged by many
You are a danger to no one but yourself
You have a hole inside you
Your heart is full of light that is trying to get through the darkness that surrounds it

I want to save you from your demons
I want to be the mother you never had
I want to cause pain to everyone that's hurt you
I want to fill the hole inside you

Everything you feel I feel
your pain is my pain
your happiness is my happiness
your fear is my fear
your anger is my anger

We smile at each other,
not that simple smile of warmth from passing someone on the street,
but the smile of acceptance and love,
the smile that makes you warm on a cloudy miserable day.
When we smile and gaze into each other's eyes,
we know at that moment that we are one and the heavy world cannot touch us.

'Whenever I was with you I would flourish with happiness.
No drug would ever make me feel as alive as you could.
I swear all the anger in the world could disintegrate with the way I look at you.'

But you weren't a fool, you knew I was hopelessly In love with you. I couldn't hide it, it was written all over my face. But you only fell In love with my body not my soul. I only let you because I knew having a tiny part of you was better than not having you at all.

You would give me all the love and warmth I desired then pull me back out just because you could. When you realized you had gone too far, you'd look at me with a blank stare and a cold heart and spit out the words 'I don't love you'. Every single time you said it the pain would devour my body right in front of you. I knew that you didn't care, but I couldn't stop loving you. Even after my heart became dust from you tearing it apart.