I think
There's something so wrong
And disgusting
About ***.
I know,
Im unnatural
And it isn't.

Look at me*
Tremors wrack my
Tense,
Paranoid form.
There's nothing wrong with you.
My mouth hangs slightly open,
And I believe the man
Who waits patiently
within my head.

I fell apart so fluidly, I'm always breaking down
I built this place for both of us, but I only see the ground
Tell me what it's like, when you think you've lost all hope
While your eyes still burn like fire and I'm choking on this smoke
I believed in everything you knew you couldn't do,
I believe you lied to me,
and you believe it, too.

You burn yourself away
On my silver tongue and taste
because Im the only light
That makes your darkness seem okay.

He took my hand,
And led me up the stairs.
Past his younger brother
That I went to school with.
When we got to his room
He threw me against walls
Grabbed my hair
Slammed my head against the bed post.
I stayed quiet,
Because no one
Will hear me whimper like
A wounded animal.

I wanted to die in the trees
Shed my broken skin like ***** ticks and fleas
Have my spirit dog the falling leaves
While branches dip themselves in grief

Four missed calls
From a number unknown.
More anxiety.
Who would need to speak
At this hour?
I won't call back,
Because it could be a ghost
And they could trap me with their voice.

I hate all this rain
And I wish you were dead
'Cause I know you'll never love a girl whos
Heart hurts her head.

The days are good, but the nights are cold
and there are always gunna be things out of control
Cant pay rent, but I can pack a bowl
Sometimes I'm sad, but it's not all that I know
Your heart's only as heavy as your mind defines,
you can't keep on your foot on the brake when its time to drive
You gotta rise up
and be floored just to floor it
sometimes life hurts but you just gotta ignore it.

When you text me now
We speak like old
Bitter friends
Mocking and secretly hating
Ourselves through humor.

Since I was little,
I'd drag my nails across
My skin until I bled.
Teeth clenched,
Body tense-
So then I could
Dream.

I'm weary.
Forsaken.
I think I'll
**** myself.

I don't know
How to accept
Anyone being kind.
It's gotten to the point
Where I just feel
Heartbreak in advance.

The only things
That're sweet to me
Is blood
And *****.

If I had the will,
I would cut my lips away
to be a face of bared teeth
And unsettling disgust.

I watched him drown,
I didn't dare move
The beauty took my breath away.

If I cant get rid of this sickness
Ill be dead before I even get the chance
To ******* dreams
And notice that things aren't as bad as they seemed.
Im just so stuck in this mindset
And the ghosts I can't forget
Reaching for anything I can
Just so I don't have to deal with it.
So ashamed,
so caught up in a game
I invented
But can cope enough to play.
Tell me souls can change
Hell, you could tell me anything
'cause **** starts feeling real
when you describe the way the night feels
And the pain my breath instills
when I try to give my everything
But can't find my own free will

You always slip away,
like dirt within a drain,
Like a knot above the doorway,
like the hurt before the pain,
You resign yourself to irony, resign yourself to rest
Like knives beneath my pillowcase,
*Like daggers in my head.

My mind is a flash of memory,
I laughed as the blade makes light of pretty skin
I caught bullets before they passed my teeth,
And dripped blood as cost for my silver tongue-
*Ecstasy, you torture me.

I miss nights
Where the saga
Of Coheed and Cambria
Filled my head.
When my violin sang
Sweetly in tune with my mind.
Tonight, there's nothing but silence
And all my instruments are sitting
Broken.
I have no more favorite albums
To sing me
Slowly
To sleep.
All I have is me
And a couple broken strings.

My skin feels like you kept it.

I'll hold your hand
If you can make me fall
Or get me to stand again.

Entire weeks spent
In passion,
-not love,
But
*****,
Fevered
Passion
And then, I fell apart.
You lost me
In my grief and anger.
You said you cared 'a lot'
I told you to **** yourself.
Then nothing.
You moved on to the real thing
I moved states.

What's bothering you?
The dryness of my tongue.
The itch in my mind.
The bugs beneath my skin and between my teeth.
Nothing.

I love your words
Before I let them leave
Your mouth
Because
Believe me,
Just the taste is enough.

Paranoia has settled it's way
Back into my diseased head.
I hide from the eyes
Of windows
And I'm trembling again.

Blue eyed secret keeper
He held me and was still my reaper
Tequila scythed, taking life with needy fever
I wanted you to love me.
but the broken cannot see.
It's turns out that love is not the only thing I need.

We made it to the east coast
i saw the ocean, mom.
Dad saw a needle.
My ole man yelled and held my hand

All I need
Is fire and a memory.
All you did was brand me.

My voice is soulful gravel
Cleansing crystal
Grinding in my throat
Wailing, whining out
Hoon's Great Escape.

My tongue's in knots,
My heart is ice.
*Violence sells-
But so can I.

Your lonely poems used to be of comfort to me,
your new perspective on repeat
was guaranteed to make them bleed
but they're exactly what I need.

Can I **** another night
Or maybe just myself
All this angers hurting me
Make me ashes on a shelf

There was one last lipstick stained cigarette
In the ashtray
Laced with memories I could forget

I can't even be honest creatively anymore.
She killed him.
I miscarried.
There's a poem in here somewhere,
I just can't tell it to you.

I did something unforgivable.
I am wretched
Selfish
Stupid
Who am I to get better
When my heart is decaying
Because I keep letting
You down.

Dude, I ******* made you-
You hated who you were.
Thank me with a severed spine,
And wishes on a star.
Empty hands, I used to hold
But you've taken them too far.
Everything I had in me;
it's everything you are.

Things haunt me
That I have not a right to feel.
******* is the anthrax
To my limited mind.
It knocks on my doors,
Peels back my eyelids.
Scratches ****** paths
Through brick walls of my conscience.
It is the appeal of sugar, to the child
Sick with diabetes.
It is forbidden fruit
That I have not the heart to taste.

little pills to balance mood and hospital stays
days and nights melt, seeing only shades of grey
microbursts of blackout pain
ideas of nine bullets in an alleyway
I bite the blame with a razor blade
and think in metaphors and bright red stains
sat and stared at glass from broken frames
spat blood, turned, and walked away.

I'd give anything to be the blade between her teeth,
to be the irony that inspires her unease
As she drifts unwillingly
and tastes of salt and sea- foam dreams,
Stars fall upon our cheeks,
While she speaks in tongues like winds from east
and I sit quietly
sipping on every note that she can sing.