Nothings sweeter
Than my heart-shaped mouth
Nothings more bitter, either.

I don't like when people
Call me 'Ann'.
I like to think that my name is pretty simple
It's just two letters
Set up like a mirror.
A N N A
It shows that you are lazy,
Or trying to
Be too personal
If I'm not worth the extra
syllable.

You need to go outside.
Why?
I looked at my mother, just starting to show age.
I'm a dark shadow of her,
With paled olive skin.
I don't know how to deal with you*
She's breaking because of me.
I don't know how to deal with me, either.

I wish my breath was anthrax
So I could **** with just the air.
I wish I didn't feel so much,
I wish my mind was bare.

It hurts when
The voices abandon me.
I need the noise
To keep my thoughts at bay.

You'd be surprised
Just how often I try to sleep,
But hear people **** instead.
It makes my stomach churn,
I hate human instinct
I don't understand uncivilized *** drives
I just want to be somewhere less disgusting.

When I was little, I taught myself to read
While my dad smoked crack.
My parents beat the **** out of each other,
And my sister tried to
**** me.
My mom was drowning
In debt and *****.
We were lucky if the power was on.
Tess held knives to my throat.
Someone stole the little bit of innocence I had left.
I had to grow up
but I couldn't get away.

I caught myself
Curled up
And yearning for home.
I almost laughed-
But dropped gentle tears instead.
I haven't had home in years-
If ever.

I'm tired of not sleeping
Because I'm busy in my
Mania.
My bones freeze at three
And there's no one who wants
To calm me down.

I hate when my
Disorders
Are an inconvenience to others.
I'm sick.
And really sick of
”Ruining another night”
Just because I can't hold my **** together.

I hate all this rain
And I wish you were dead
'Cause I know you'll never love a girl whos
Heart hurts her head.

I really
Don't care about
Your questions anymore.
Someone just tell me their dream.

I still can't stop hating who I am.
Everybody laughs.
I'm just a sick joke they can't understand.

I miss *****
And when I was a little whirlwind
With fire in my throat and on the trail
Of happiness.

I remember
The cold, so much deeper than my bones.
And gasping for my last handful of
Breaths
The way everything dimmed.
And the lights filled my vision.
Still, no fear-
Just patience and
Resignation.

She begs me
Not to slice feeling from my heart
Or stitch the pieces of my skin.
I laughed,
Because as beautiful as she is
She doesn't understand
The difference in itches.

Sweet-ice wrote me
one more poem
To send soft chills back up my spine.
Her sincerity is
the sweetest breeze
That suffocates me every time.
She makes my mind awake-
That turbulent
Sweet-ice girl.

Someone spin words with me
At three in the morning,
Lace them up in a promise of delicious sickness
Tying up my my mind
So just for tonight
I don't taste of demons and dead trees.

What's bothering you?
The dryness of my tongue.
The itch in my mind.
The bugs beneath my skin and between my teeth.
Nothing.

Everything burns
Because I'm never given peace.
They grab ahold of my heartstrings
And tie them in knots
Around my lungs.
I think im suffocating
So they pull back my flesh
That seemed too tight against weary bones.
Its agonizing,
Please, stop
But my tongue swells
Like a corpses
And my words are
Trapped by choking noises.

These scars
That cloak my body
And comforted my darkened mind
Have cost me more than you can imagine.
They have soured my tongue
With the taste of self hate
and shame.
I am numb
I am cold
And each silver slit
Is a secret
That no one wants
To see.

There are boys in the house that stutter.
It makes me wince when they
S-s-speak, with a smile and no shame
Because I was a girl
With a stutter beaten out of me.

I named my pipe
Sorrow.
Because of the way it sits on the edge
Of your lips.
And how some people choke on
Sadness as if it were
Poisoned smoke.
How it coats your lungs with resin
And it weighs
your center down
And although you may
Dispel the tainted air,
Your insides are never quite the same.

Sometimes I see a
Jackal
With yellow-orange eyes.
It looks at me expectantly,
Like everything does.

Everyone says they burn
Like something mystic.
Indecisive in colour
Like I am with everything,
Always wide,
Searching,
Fixating on anomalies
In the air.
They're gypsy eyes
And my grandfather saw the future through them
In the way I see the past.

I like kissing
Because I can close my eyes
And pretend those lips are anyones.
I can loose myself
And capture someone
At the same time.
It's the easiest way
To show off
Just how full of steel
My smiles are,
And how something as little as
Lips brushing
Could remind you of home
or the latin root of
Nostalgia.
I can give someone a hint
Of my hurt
Through a tiny nibble;
Or make us both crave something more
And less simultaneously.

Things follow me.
They stride across
Layers
And sit down
As if for tea.
Always in silence,
Always dark.
They buzz in my head
And tickle the edge of my mind.
I hate them.

Tonight
I'm getting drunk-
I don't care
If I'm not supposed to
I just want
To feel
Warm
For
Once.

He has the tendency
Of being an
Overly aggressive
*****,
And she kisses ***
With venomed
Lips-
Of course there's
Trouble in paradise.

you have small hands.*
I looked at them,
How they shook
Always.
I suppose.
I placed them on my elbows,
Freezing.
Nervous.
Its okay- mine are smaller.
I looked at this girl,
Like I'd never seen a person
Before her
And placed my hand against hers,
both small, with graceful fingers
Finally grasping the concept
Of not always being alone.

Even medicated,
Sleep seems to run away.
It's probably because
I was used to
Drinking until
The room spun me to bed.

I wake up at three
Like clockwork
Almost every night.
Catholics call it the
Devils Time,
And maybe
It is.

You used to call me,
******* wasted
So I could sing you to sleep.
You liked
The rough satin of my voice,
That hinted at
Sorrow
And ***.

Beatboxing
Is a nervous
Habit
I picked up
So I can't hear
My heart.

I miss nights
Where the saga
Of Coheed and Cambria
Filled my head.
When my violin sang
Sweetly in tune with my mind.
Tonight, there's nothing but silence
And all my instruments are sitting
Broken.
I have no more favorite albums
To sing me
Slowly
To sleep.
All I have is me
And a couple broken strings.

I tried on clothes today
And cried.
Because I'm ******* disgusting
And I don't deserve anything.
No colour,
No light..
******* nothing,
Like me.

I dont like it when people
Don't walk with a sense of emergency
When my mind keeps running.

He calls me often
To try and take me out.
I don't understand why
He wastes his time
Pitying me.
He knows I won't leave my house
If he doesn't make me.
Because I hate to see the sun when I'm so certain
It isn't real.