My first kiss
Was in the girls locker room,
I stole cat ears and
Blasted 'Not The American Average'
Then she grabbed my hair and pressed against me
I blushed.
*******, she was a ****.
But she sure got my skirt off nicely.

I am a poltergeist,
Whirling madly
Through sweet emotions.
Throwing plates
At the frivolous kitchen floor
Until I fall against it,
Us both laughing till I fade.

We'd talk about kisses, falling like
Honeyed rain
You called me a shooting star
And rested your every wish on my quick descent.

Oh, man
I'm in mania.
Beautiful, wide eyed mania.
It tastes like rose petals, and never needing food or sleep-
Just always itching to do something-
Anything really.

It's good to be awake
Finally
After years of half dead darkness.

I'm a box beneath your bed
Of letters, left unsent
Unsaid words of lost apologies
And misguided misogyny

We sat tossing breath at darkened windows
A bottle to my mouth
And lyrics spinning out from yours
Dancing in conversation
Next to trash in the back seat.

He dipped himself cautiously
Into my soft white
Curves
As if I were a crisp stream.

Don't forget
How I sit quietly
With burning eyes
Coaxing
People into my will-
Charming as all hell
Until I burn everything
With grace
Leading sheep
In stead of me
To my fate.

Do me a favor
And bite my lip teasingly
Because I don't have the will
To bite my tongue
around your beauty.

Let me
Dip my teeth into the vemon
Of your skin-
Liquify my insides
And I'll do the same
To the ice in your gaze.

You burn yourself away
On my silver tongue and taste
because Im the only light
That makes your darkness seem okay.

Tonight I get to be angry
And hurt
My chest is a raw wound
And my lungs dont work.

My moms boyfriend
Clearly doesn't like gays.
So...
I'm now accepting applications
For my next girlfriend.

He said hello.
I licked my lips,
Smiled.
Had to put in effort not to
wrinkle my nose.
I'm good at sniffing out junkies.
Their drugs leave scents
And tastes in my air.

”She's happy here.”**
I hear that line
Pretty frequently.
But for some reason,
I never really am.

There was a woman
That I used to sing songs to
Until her goosebumps were evident.
I'd give her calm, smooth looks
That made her question her sexuality.
Sometimes, I could even tempt her into a kiss
Or ten.
But mostly, I just made out with the guy she loved.
You can bet I left that *****
******* confused.

I only like my lip ring
Because it makes me feel
Like words are constantly
On the edge of my mouth-
Sometimes warm,
And sometimes so cold
I shiver.

I still remember
My face against the carpet-
The exact ******* feel of it
Followed by pain.

He took my hand,
And led me up the stairs.
Past his younger brother
That I went to school with.
When we got to his room
He threw me against walls
Grabbed my hair
Slammed my head against the bed post.
I stayed quiet,
Because no one
Will hear me whimper like
A wounded animal.

In the morning
My throat feels thick
My body aches
My lip bleeds
Because all night I sleep in a tense
Ball, grinding
Teeth.

For a few years
I could whisper into dreams
And haunt whoever I could think of.

They would wait until
I passed out
And couldn't move,
Then they'd take turns.

I like knowing that your back
Is still marked with the memory
Of my nails
And that your new girl can't compete
With the things I used to do.

Because the moon makes my skin glow
And my high cheek bones cast a nice shadow
On the rest of my face.
Your eyes glow, too. But brightly-
Not as pale as night.
The air smells of ice and mystery
And tastes of pure silver.
And your skin is like
The touch of grace from a god.
Scars are hidden,
Smiles are not.
And my other senses are allowed to run wild.

And, uh, do the boys mind when you kiss them with that thing on your lip?
I smiled, laughed.
Graceful with my mask.
Well, I haven't kissed a boy with it yet- but the girls dont mind.

It's my gypsy blood
That makes my soul restless,
old,
and fathomless
To my peers.
It just wants to traverse
The world
And speak in
Secrets.

I keep dreaming about sweet-ice
And her being in firmly
Pressed, clean as a whistle
Clothing.
Her insulin dispenser
Gone,
Like how logic goes
When we're together.
Beautiful,
As always.
And for some reason
I think about
The scars
And soft skin
That rests so sweetly
On those lovely bones.

There's something so soothing
About the tick of my pocket watch.
It reminds me of my grandfather
rotting in his grave
And the difference between
Feelings in the air.

My outlook on life
Is getting annoying,
Even for me.
It's so stupid to live in the past,
Or the moment.
I want to live somewhere
Silent
And sacred.

I miss the
Wisconsin sunrise.
The taste of crimson skies
In the moment just between
Drunk nights
And mornings.

I think
There's something so wrong
And disgusting
About ***.
I know,
Im unnatural
And it isn't.

Im shivering.
******* cold, again.
Insomnia and two hundred dollars
In meds that don't even ******* help.
It's no wonder why I'm sick
When my body and mind rejects anything
That's set firmly in reality.

I wish I could sleep
Through trauma.
Go into shock
Like the tv talks about.
Repress reality
Like how I dealt with the past.
Anything really
Just to forget sound
And sensation.

My father likes to text me
When he's all ****** up.
He likes to blame me
And tell me I'm just
Trash.
That he wishes I was dead.
That I did this to myself
To take it out on him.
I smile now. And silence my phone.

I knew a young boy
Who cut his own throat.
*******, was he beautiful.

I don't like when he has ****** hair,
It irritates
My sensitive skin
When
Our lips are sealed together
Like passionate secrets in the dark.

I hit Sorrow
And took a couple extra pills
Hopefully tonight
I can finally sleep.

I can't breathe very well.
And I always have to keep an inhaler
Just in case.
It's funny
Because I can never tell if it's depression
Or asthma
That tightens my chest.

If I cant get rid of this sickness
Ill be dead before I even get the chance
To ******* dreams
And notice that things aren't as bad as they seemed.
Im just so stuck in this mindset
And the ghosts I can't forget
Reaching for anything I can
Just so I don't have to deal with it.
So ashamed,
so caught up in a game
I invented
But can cope enough to play.
Tell me souls can change
Hell, you could tell me anything
'cause **** starts feeling real
when you describe the way the night feels
And the pain my breath instills
when I try to give my everything
But can't find my own free will

Sometimes all I have
Is my voice.
I sing until I'm dizzy
And the walls know my soul.