My eyes
Are the warm blue-grey of
The moments just before
My beloved Wisconsin sunrise
My veins, just below scared skin
Burn for a breeze
And a day that doesn't feel
Like an old painful memory.
I want to be on my motorcycle.
I want the hazardous road unraveling
Right behind me
Away from that sunrise
Away from the people
Written in my scars.

Smoke drifts
In the way words used to roll off of our lazy lips
And cloud the room
Until the only thing visible to me was you.
Now,
The room is only full of
Wisps of memory
And an emptyness that only I can see.

Every syllable
That leaves my mouth
Is so
*******
Stupid.
Every one
Is another knot
Above my doorway
Another rope
Around my throat.
just stop!
I need to
Shut the **** up.

String me up
I'll be your little
Marionette
Dancing in my last act
Of fleeting breath and
Convulsions.

My mind is a flash of memory,
I laughed as the blade makes light of pretty skin
I caught bullets before they passed my teeth,
And dripped blood as cost for my silver tongue-
*Ecstasy, you torture me.

I could pave your way
With little lamps-
A hundred paths
Away from any known map
But I'd lead you straight into a trap.

I think a lot
About the word 'nostalgia'
As my body becomes a sore
And my mind-
Well, it gets a little more than lost
Within the
Shadow of
Old
Wounds.

Could I not breathe
If I were a theif
That sat upon edges
Beyond reprieve
And long lost sanity?

Have you ever made me shake
The way your iced words
Make your breath catch and cease intake?
Yes, yes.
A thousand times yes-
You made me into my own mess.

Im sorry to be the killer,
The sister who never sat stiller,
Than in the moments before
My murderous lore
Chilled in the throat of the teller.

Oh, have the past few months surprised me
You disappeared-
All the way to Germany.
When you reappeared
You were that Train song
back in the atmosphere, drops of jupiter in your hair
That took my breath away.

Oh, God-
Can you not ******* frozen lips?
Even if I was Chirsts bride,
Hell would still have me on its list.

I want to slide steel back
Into your broken smile
So you remember just how cold
It feels when even dreams are mild

If I wake up
Still drunk
With bitter lips
And a heart half sunk
then maybe im still on the
Ship with you that sailed.

You're the newest
Penny
In my couch.
Forgotten, and
Next to worthless.

I'm weary.
Forsaken.
I think I'll
**** myself.

The only things
That're sweet to me
Is blood
And *****.

I cried today,
For a good hour
Because my dear
Sweet layers have
Abandoned me.

I'm a cat,
In pursuit of
The mouse
Strung up by it's own
Tail.

I remember how nice it was
When I played the drums.
It resonated
Deep in my chest
Loud enough to hush
The parts you used to dwell
As a sad memory.

I don't know
How to accept
Anyone being kind.
It's gotten to the point
Where I just feel
Heartbreak in advance.

Depression feels like
The closest thing to home
Ive got.
It's the only thing
That stays.

I like to know names
Because I'm old south
Superstitious
And people are my demons.

Be careful, my joints ache.**
At your age?
He laughs
I look down
And fiddle with the edge of my skirt.
Yeah, my sister says I was born forty.
I smile to myself
As he shakes his head,
Always unsure on how to handle
My explanations.

Why do you sleep all day and stay up all night?!*
I studied her concerned face,
Measuring,
Chewing thoughts.
My demons can't get me if im awake.*
No.
I can't stand the sun anymore.
No.
I'm just so afraid.
Still not something to tell her.
**Fine. I'll go to ******* bed.

I am a
Cynical,
Cold *****
Because that's what
You wanted from me.

My anxiety
Makes children into
Lions,
They smile through
Bloodied teeth.
I won't leave my room.

I don't have
The time to
Give you the attention
You're seeking
Just because
You're drinking.

I feel sick.
My pulse quickens,
My face pales.
I hate you.
I hate me for
What we did.

When you text me now
We speak like old
Bitter friends
Mocking and secretly hating
Ourselves through humor.

Since I was little,
I'd drag my nails across
My skin until I bled.
Teeth clenched,
Body tense-
So then I could
Dream.

My meds make
Everything more crisp
While I stumble
And the room spins

I hope that
Maybe
You're witty enough
To keep up
And keep me guessing.

I love the little details
That decorate
Your body
Like fine art, gone unnoticed.

He sent me
'seductive'
Pictures
Of a hip bone
*******
And tongue.
This boy might actually
Be cute.

You are the
Breath that
Refuses to fill my lazy lungs.

If I had the will,
I would cut my lips away
to be a face of bared teeth
And unsettling disgust.

His lips tasted
Like mint and blood
fitting perfectly with mine.

My bed bruises
My boney
Hips, ribs, shoulders.
But I still feel
Disgusting.

Cute kids
With skater hair
No longer interest me.
I like
A bit of slightly less ******
Mystery.

Here, have a cookie
Or really anything
Sweet.
To make up for my lack
Of niceties.

I love like layers of
Dust
Slowly covering everything.

I am a porcelain doll
My small hands are fragile,
So I let no one touch them.
I try not to blink
Because my eyelids scraping against marble
Is a sound that unnerves me.
I am a stop animation film
In my first language
Twisting tongues.

When I get angry
Or nervous
My long-gone accent
Hints at my past
Reappearing for the sake of
old pains.

I like voices
That sound like the darkened colour
Of honey and just
A bit of sand.

I watched him drown,
I didn't dare move
The beauty took my breath away.

Let me sing to you about
The Boy Who Could Fly
So you could use it to connect
the dots of my life.