THE FIRST TIME YOU KISSED ME IT FELT LIKE FEELING THE OCEAN WASH UP AGAINST YOUR FEET AND IT FELT LIKE LISTENING TO YOUR FAVORITE SONG FOR THE FIRST TIME AND IT FELT LIKE WATER TASTES; REFRESHING AND LIFE SUSTAINING BUT I'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO SUSTAIN MY LIFE IN THE SAME WAY ANYMORE BECAUSE YOU'RE GONE ******* YOU ******* *******

THE MEMORY OF YOU HAUNTS ME EVERY DAY WHEN WILL I NOT REMEMBER THE SOUND OF YOUR VOICE AND EVERYTHING YOU EVER SAID TO ME?

YOU SAID I REALLY HURT YOU WELL LISTEN HERE BUDDY LOSING YOU HAS BEEN NO WALK IN THE ******* PARK EITHER I'M UP TRYING TO FORGET YOU AND ALL THAT DOES IS MAKE ME REMEMBER YOU EVEN MORE SO DON'T ******* TALK TO ME ABOUT BEING HURT BECAUSE I'VE BEEN NUMB FOR OVER TWO MONTHS NOW

You impacted me in ways that I can't explain and now you're gone. I can't explain your absence either.

THE SAYING "EITHER THEY WERE A BLESSING OR A LESSON" IS BASICALLY GIVING SOMEONE THE EASY WAY OUT BUT YOU'RE NOT GETTING THE EASY WAY OUT THIS TIME BABE BECAUSE YOU WERE BOTH YOU WERE A BLESSING IN THAT YOU MADE ME GENUINELY HAPPY WHILE YOU WERE IN MY LIFE BUT YOU WERE A LESSON IN THAT YOU'RE THE FIRST GUY TO EVER MAKE ME FEEL SICK ABOUT MYSELF AND YOU TAUGHT ME TO NEVER LET SOMEONE CRAWL INSIDE MY SKIN THE WAY I LET YOU IN SO I HOPE ONCE I GROW THE **** TO GIVE THESE POEMS TO YOU YOU REMEMBER THIS ONE IN PARTICULAR AND HAVE TROUBLE SLEEPING

WHY CAN'T YOU JUST COME BACK BECAUSE YOU WERE THE ONE THAT SAID IT WOULD **** IF WE COULDN'T BE TOGETHER AND YOU WERE THE ONE TO SAY FIRST THAT YOU MISSED ME AND YOU WERE THE ONE THAT SAID I WAS YOUR BABE AND YOU WERE THE ONE THAT SAID YOU LOVED MY BODY AND YOU WERE THE ONE THAT SAID YOU WERE SORRY AND YOU WERE THE ONE THAT SAID YOU DIDN'T WANT ME TO BE ANGRY AT YOU AND I KNOW I TOLD YOU I I WASN'T BUT I WAS AND IF YOU DON'T WANT ME TO BE ANGRY WITH YOU ANYMORE IT'S IN YOUR BEST INTEREST TO JUST COME BACK AND WE CAN START OVER BECAUSE NOW I'M THE ONE TALKING AND I'M THE ONE THAT SAID TO COME BACK AND BE MY BABE AGAIN

YOU WILL ALWAYS HAVE A SPECIAL PLACE IN MY HEART AND THAT ******* TERRIFIES ME BECAUSE I SEE YOU EVERYWHERE IN EVERYTHING I DO I CAN'T EVEN WEAR MY WATCH ANYMORE BECAUSE AFTER I GOT IT SIZED I CAME OVER AND WHILE WE WERE HAVING *** THE PIN THAT ADJUSTED THE BAND WAS STICKING OUT AND IT SCRATCHED YOUR BACK I WISH IT WAS STILL MY WATCH SCRATCHING YOU BUT IT'S PROBABLY HER NAILS GOING UP AND DOWN YOUR BACK

I KEEP IMAGINING THAT YOU'LL TEXT OR CALL ME AND SAY THAT YOU'VE BEEN MEANING TO RESPOND TO MY MESSAGE AND THAT YOUR PHONE HAS BEEN ******* UP BUT THEN I SEE YOU'RE ONLINE RIGHT NOW LIKING YOUR WALL POSTS FROM A GIRL SAYING MY FAMOUS LINE "YO MAMA LETCHU DATE?" I LIKE TO THINK THAT YOU LIKE THAT SHE SAYS THAT BECAUSE IT REMINDS YOU OF ME BUT THEN I SNAP BACK TO REALITY AND REALIZE THAT YOU JUST DON'T CARE ANYMORE AND SHE HAS MORE TO OFFER YOU ANYWAYS

WHAT'S SAD IS I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER WHAT YOUR VOICE SOUNDS LIKE

MY DEMONS LOOK LIKE YOU SOMETIMES AND I HOPE THAT KNOWING THAT MAKES YOU GET GOOSEBUMPS WHEN YOU'RE IN HER BED

WHAT TERRIFIES ME THE MOST ABOUT YOU IS THAT YOU CAN LAY ME DOWN IN YOUR BED AND SAY THE MOST HORRIFYINGLY BEAUTIFUL WORDS I'VE EVER HEARD A GUY SAY BEFORE AND SPIT THEM RIGHT INTO MY VEINS THEN FOUR MONTHS LATER HEAR YOU SAY THE MOST PETRIFYINGLY ****** UP WORDS I'VE EVER HEARD A GUY SAY BEFORE: NOTHING.

I WONDER IF YOU EVER HAVE TROUBLE SLEEPING AT NIGHT BECAUSE YOU REMEMBER THAT I ONCE LAID NEXT TO YOU

YOU TEXTED ME SAYING "I MISS YOU, HOPE YOU'RE ALRIGHT" WE HADN'T TALKED IN TWELVE OR THIRTEEN DAYS AND THAT WAS THE LONGEST WE'D EVER GONE WITHOUT SAYING A WORD TO EACH OTHER BUT NOW THAT YOU'RE OUT OF MY LIFE I AM STARTING TO REALIZE THAT THE ONLY WAY I'LL EVER BE ALRIGHT AGAIN IS IF YOU'RE BACK IN MY LIFE AGAIN HOLDING ME IN YOUR BED LIKE YOU ALWAYS DID WITH YOUR LEFT ARM UNDER MY BACK AT ALMOST ELEVEN AT NIGHT I JUST WANT YOUR PRESENCE BACK IN MY LIFE I CAN'T FATHOM YOUR ABSENCE ANY LONGER ****

NO MATTER WHO SAYS MY NAME THEY CAN NEVER GET THE SAME RING AS YOU USED TO WHENEVER YOU USED TO SAY MY NAME IT LITERALLY FELT AS IF MY BLOOD VESSELS WERE GOING TO BURST BECAUSE JUST KNOWING YOU WERE THINKING OF MY EXISTENCE FOR A SPLIT SECOND WHEN YOU SPAT MY NAME OUT OH SO BEAUTIFULLY OUT OF YOUR MOUTH WAS ENOUGH TO START A FIRE IN MY HEART AND NO ONE WILL EVER SAY MY NAME IN THE EXTRAORDINARILY EXQUISITE WAY THAT MY NAME WOULD ROLL OFF THE TIP OF YOUR TONGUE

YOU WERE THE PERSON I WANTED TO TELL EVERYTHING FIRST TO AND YOU WERE THE PERSON THAT COULD MAKE ME FEEL INTOXICATED JUST BY LOOKING INTO YOUR EYES AND YOU WERE THE PERSON WHOSE SMILE COULD IGNITE MY BONES MAKING ME WEAK IN THE KNEES AND YOU WERE THE PERSON WHO I WANTED TO MAKE FEEL LOVED BUT NOW YOU'RE JUST THE PERSON I WANT TO FORGET MORE THAN ANYONE I'VE EVER MET OR BEEN DONE WRONG BY AND THAT BREAKS MY ******* HEART

I JUST REALLY MISS WATCHING YOU DRIVE AND LISTENING TO MUSIC WITH YOU AND SEEING YOU SMILE AND DISCOVERING NEW FRECKLES ON YOUR BODY AND TALKING TO YOU ON THE PHONE AND LISTENING TO YOU TALK ABOUT PERSONAL EXPERIENCES AND I MISS THE WAY YOU USED TO HOLD ME AT NIGHT AND NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS FOUR MONTHS AGO WOULD I HAVE BELIEVED SOMEONE IF THEY SAID THAT IN FOUR MONTHS YOU WERE GOING TO BE LONG GONE OUT OF MY LIFE BUT HERE WE ARE LIVING SEPARATE LIVES

******* YOU ******* BECAUSE OF YOU I CAN'T EVEN SLEEP IN MY OWN BED BECAUSE ALL I SMELL IF YOU IN THE THREADS BETWEEN MY SHEETS AND I CAN STILL FEEL YOU INCOHERENTLY PULL ME IN CLOSER WHILE WE SPOONED AND IN CASE YOU WERE WONDERING I CAN STILL FEEL YOU BREATHING DOWN MY BACK LIKE YOU USED TO WHEN WE HAD *** AND TO THIS DAY I CAN STILL ******* FEEL YOU IN EVERY ATOM THAT MAKES UP MY EXISTENCE YOU ****

IF YOU DIDN'T WANT TO BE IN MY LIFE ANYMORE THEN WHY DID YOU DO THINGS TO MAKE YOU BE ON ME MIND EVERY SECOND OF EVERY ******* DAY YOU ******* HYPOCRITE

AT THIS POINT I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO BE GRATEFUL THAT YOU WERE IN MY LIFE FOR FOUR GREAT MONTHS OR TO HATE YOU FOR LEAVING AFTER BEING IN MY LIFE FOR FOUR GREAT MONTHS

I SCREENSHOTTED EVERY SWEET TEXT YOU EVER SENT ME AND DOWNLOADED THEM TO MY LAPTOP THEY'RE ALL I HAVE LEFT OF YOU BUT ARE THEY REALLY YOU SINCE YOU CLEARLY LIED WHEN YOU SAID YOU MISSED ME BECAUSE USUALLY WHEN YOU MISS SOMEONE YOU MAKE AN EFFORT TO PATCH THINGS UP BUT ALL YOU DID WAS LEAVE SILENTLY SO I SUPPOSE I ACTUALLY HAVE NOTHING LEFT OF YOU BUT EMPTY WORDS

DOES SHE KNOW THAT YOU HATE YOUR DAD BECAUSE HE USED TO USE YOU SO HE COULD GO CHEAT ON YOUR MOM AND DOES SHE KNOW THAT YOU HATE THE SOUND OF SOMEONE CRACKING THEIR KNUCKLES AND DOES SHE KNOW ABOUT YOUR PAST HOOKUPS AND DOES SHE KNOW YOU REGRET NOT SPENDING ENOUGH TIME WITH YOUR GRANDFATHER THAT LIVES IN FLORIDA AND DOES SHE KNOW THAT YOUR FAVORITE THING TO ORDER AT ZAXBY'S IS THE WINGS AND THINGS AND DOES SHE KNOW THAT I WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU SLEPT WITH AND DOES SHE KNOW YOU'LL LEAVE HER WITHOUT SAYING A WORD LIKE YOU LEFT ME?

I MISS YOU WAY MORE THAN I SHOULD BUT SOMEHOW IT'S STILL ONE OF THE MOST COMFORTING THINGS I'VE EVER EXPERIENCED

LOSING YOU HAS BEEN THE MOST NUMBING EXPERIENCE OF MY LIFE IT'S BEEN PAINFUL BUT IT'S THE MOST COMFORTABLE PAIN I'VE EVER BEEN BROUGHT UPON IN THE PROCESS OF LOSING YOU I'VE LEARNED THAT THERE ARE DIFFERENT TYPES OF NUMBNESS THERE'S THE NUMBNESS YOU FEEL WHEN THE DOCTOR PRESCRIBES YOU MEDICATION AND YOUR BODY DOESN'T REACT THE RIGHT WAY AND THEN THERE'S THE NUMBNESS YOU EXPERIENCE WHEN YOU'RE COMING OFF OF NOVACANE BUT THE TYPE OF NUMBNESS YOU'VE CAUSED ME TO FEEL IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL NUMBNESS I THINK A PERSON CAN FEEL BECAUSE I FEEL FREE AND NOW THAT YOU'RE GONE I REALIZED IT DOESN'T FEEL ANY DIFFERENT FROM WHEN YOU WERE SUPPOSEDLY IN MY LIFE SO CAN A PERSON REALLY LOSE SOMEONE THEY FEEL THEY NEVER REALLY HAD IN THEIR LIFE TO BEGIN WITH?

BECAUSE OF YOU MY HEART IS TURNING COLD IT'S NOT RIGHT TO TOUCH ME IN THE WAYS THAT YOU DID AND JUST LEAVE ME I WILL NEVER SCRAPE THE REMNANTS YOU LEFT IN MY MIND AND I WILL NEVER BE FULLY RID OF YOUR TOUCH EVER IF THE SKIN DOES REPLENISH ITSELF EVERY TWENTY SEVEN DAYS BECAUSE YOU TOUCHED ME IN WAYS GREATER THAN PHYSICALLY AND EMOTIONALLY YOU AFFECTED ME MENTALLY YOU WERE MY SAFE HAVEN AND NOW I'M JUST COLD AND ALONE CHOKING ON THE LIES YOU TOLD ME THAT KEPT ME WARM AT NIGHT

THANKS TO YOU MY HEART WILL ALWAYS HAVE CHIPPED PIECES YOU TOOK A PIECE OF ME THE NIGHT WE FIRST MADE LOVE AND YOU TOOK A PIECE OF ME THE NIGHT WE LAID IN YOUR BED AND MADE LOVE EIGHT OR FIFTY TIMES WE COULDN'T KEEP OUR HANDS OFF OF EACH OTHER AND I'LL ALWAYS BE SCARRED FROM THAT YOU TOOK A PIECE OF ME WHEN YOU BIT AND ****** ON MY EAR SO HARD IT FELT GOOD I WAS SURE I LOVED YOU BECAUSE NO ONE HAD EVER CAUSED A RIVETING PLEASURE IN THE PAIN THEY WERE CAUSING ME BEFORE AND I TRULY BELIEVE THAT NO ONE'S TOUCH WILL EVER AFFECT ME IN THE WAY YOURS USED TO

CAR BLINKERS ALWAYS REMIND ME OF YOU BECAUSE I NEVER KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT WHEN I'M DRIVING JUST LIKE I NEVER KNEW WHAT TO EXPECT WITH YOU AND I SAY THIS BECAUSE YOU NEVER GAVE ME A ******* SIGNAL THAT YOU WERE GOING TO TAKE THE NEXT EXIT OUT OF MY LIFE YOU JUST ******* MERGED AND WERE OUT OF SIGHT

I HATE FALLING ASLEEP BECAUSE AN HOUR BEFORE I ACTUALLY DO EVERYTHING YOU EVER SAID TO ME POUNDS AT MY HEAD AT SEVEN MILLION MILES AN HOUR AND IT'S HARD TO FEEL COMFORTABLE IN A BED YOU WERE IN AND IT'S HARD TO FEEL COMFORTABLE WHEN MY THROAT IS BURNING FROM CRYING OVER THINGS YOU PROMISED ME YOU'D NEVER DO

YOU NEVER DESERVED SOMEONE WHO CARED AS MUCH AS I DID I SHOULD HAVE NEVER LET YOU TOUCH ME AND NO MATTER WHAT I DO OR WHO I'M WITH I ALWAYS FIND YOU CAMPED OUT IN THE CORNER OF MY HEART AND DID I MENTION I'LL PURPOSELY LAUGH HARD ENOUGH TO THE POINT WHERE I START CRYING AND I'VE FOUND THAT DOING THIS FOR SOME ODD REASON MAKES ME MORE COMFORTABLE WITH YOU NOT STICKING AROUND

I ASKED YOU THE FIRST NIGHT THAT WE MET WHILE WE WERE MAKING LOVE HOW MANY GIRLS YOU HAD ****** AND YOU SAID THREE I WONDER IF IN THE FUTURE SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU'VE EVER MADE LOVE TO SOMEONE IF YOU'LL COUNT ME AS THE FIRST GIRL YOU EVER MADE LOVE TO OR IF YOU;LL COUNT ME AS NUMBER FOUR IN HOW MANY GIRLS YOU'VE ******

I'LL NEVER GET OVER YOU NO MATTER WHO I'M DATING OR MARRIED TO BECAUSE YOU ARE (WERE) HOME AND THE DAY YOU LEFT IT FELT LIKE SOMEONE HAD TORCHED MY HOUSE AND DESTROYED ALL MY BELONGINGS BUT A LITTLE PIECE OF YOU WILL ALWAYS BE BURNING INSIDE OF ME AND I LIKE TO THINK I'LL ALWAYS BE BURNING SOMEWHERE INSIDE OF YOU TOO

WE HAVEN'T TALKED IN OVER A MONTH AND IT FEELS LIKE SOMEONE HAS DUG INTO MY SKIN AND CLAWED OUT MY ******* VEINS AND SPLATTERED THEM ALL AROUND ME SO EVERYWHERE I LOOK I SEE YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE IN MY VEINS