I NEVER TOLD YOU I LOVE YOU BUT THAT DOESN'T CHANGE THE FACT THAT I DO I WONDER IF YOU LOVE ME TOO

I WONDER IF YOU EVER HAVE TROUBLE SLEEPING AT NIGHT BECAUSE YOU REMEMBER THAT I ONCE LAID NEXT TO YOU

WHAT TERRIFIES ME THE MOST ABOUT YOU IS THAT YOU CAN LAY ME DOWN IN YOUR BED AND SAY THE MOST HORRIFYINGLY BEAUTIFUL WORDS I'VE EVER HEARD A GUY SAY BEFORE AND SPIT THEM RIGHT INTO MY VEINS THEN FIVE MONTHS LATER YOU SAY THE MOST PETRIFYINGLY ****** UP WORDS I'VE EVER HEARD YOU SAY BEFORE: N O T H I N G.

I WISH I COULDN'T STILL FEEL YOU BREATHE AND I WISH I COULDN'T STILL SEE YOU SMILE WHEN I CLOSE MY EYES AT NIGHT BECAUSE IT MAKES IT SO HARD TO FALL ASLEEP AND I WISH I DIDN'T HAVE THE SOUND OF YOUR VOICE MEMORIZED AND ALL OF ITS FLUCTUATION AND I WISH I COULD SLEEP IN MY OWN BED AT NIGHT AND I WISH I  COULD JUST NOT HAVE MET YOU BECAUSE YOU DID ME SO WRONG AND I'M UP AT NIGHT WRITING ABOUT YOU WHILE YOU'RE PROBABLY IN HER BED

I WOULD **** TO KNOW IF YOU'VE THOUGHT ABOUT ME OR IF YOU MISS KISSING ME OR IF YOU WANT TO HEAR THE SOUND OF MY LAUGH AGAIN OR IF YOU HEAR THE SONG SIDEWAYS BY CITIZEN COPE AND GET FLASHBACKS OF THE FIRST TIME WE SKYPED OR IF YOU THINK ABOUT ME WHEN YOU DRIVE BY COOKOUT AND ZAXBY'S AND I WONDER IF YOU CAN FEEL ME MISSING YOU AND **** WOULD I **** TO KNOW IF YOU WONDER IF I THINK ABOUT YOU STILL

WHEN WILL THIS NOT HURT ANYMORE BECAUSE IT'S BEEN THREE MONTHS SINCE WE LAST TALKED AND I STILL CRY AND ROCK MYSELF TO SLEEP EVERY NIGHT AND PROMISE MYSELF THAT I'M GOING TO WAKE UP TO A TEXT OR A MISSED CALL FROM YOU AND YOU'LL SAY THAT YOU JUST NEEDED TIME TO THINK BUT THEN I COME TO REMEMBER THAT BOYS DON'T PONDER OVER THINGS FOR MORE THAN THE LENGTH OF A SHOWER AND THAT THEY JUST NEVER TALK TO YOU AGAIN OR EVEN HAVE A THOUGHT ABOUT YOU SPONTANEOUSLY THEY JUST RUIN ALL YOUR FAVORITE SONGS AND LEAVE YOU ROCKING YOURSELF DOWN THE TILE WALLS OF THE SHOWER BECAUSE THE NINE THOUSAND DEGREE WATER BURNING THE PORES ON YOUR BACK IS MORE COMFORTING THAN THE KNIFE HE LEFT STABBED IN YOU WHEN HE SAID HE MISSED YOU AND THEN NEVER SAID ANYTHING ELSE TO YOU EVER AGAIN

you were leaning against the frame of your back door, backlit and beautiful with the setting summer sun casting shadows on your face. i felt so alive in that moment, with the days stretching before us, and the countless days behind us, the ones we'd already blazed a trail through. i could remember the feel of your smile on mine from the night before and wondered if you would do it again. the stars were not on my mind at all; why would they be when you were looking at me like that and your jawline told stories of long nights past and i could smell strawberries in the air?