YOU MADE MY ******* KNUCKLES BLEED AND I CAN STILL FEEL YOU IN MY PORES WHY WEREN'T YOU HERE WHEN I ACTUALLY NEEDED YOU I DON'T NEED YOU ANYMORE GET THE **** OUT OH MY GOD

THE SCARY THING ABOUT KISSING SOMEONE IS THAT YOU NEVER KNOW IF IT'S GOING TO BE THE LAST TIME YOU KISS THEM THE LAST TIME I KISSED YOU WAS APRIL TWENTY FOURTH AND IT WAS JUST A PECK BECAUSE YOU ****** ME OFF BUT I COULDN'T HELP BUT TO STILL KISS YOU BECAUSE I ALWAYS HAVE THIS FEAR OF ME BEING ANGRY AT SOMEONE AND THEM DRIVING AWAY AND GETTING IN A WRECK AND DYING SO I KISSED YOU BUT **** IF I HAD KNOWN THAT THAT WAS GOING TO BE THE LAST TIME WE KISSED I WOULD HAVE KISSED YOU SO ******* HARD YOUR LIPS WOULD HAVE TURNED NUMB

Who ever knew
my best friend
would be a pen?

THE RIDICULOUS PART ABOUT YOU NOT BEING IN MY LIFE ANYMORE IS THAT YOU'RE STILL HERE LINGERING I HAVE A BOYFRIEND WHOSE EYES ARE THE SAME ******* COLOR AS YOURS AND WHEN I KISS HIM ALL I CAN THINK IS "GOD I WISH I WAS KISSING YOU" WHY COULDN'T YOU HAVE DONE SOMETHING TO MAKE ME HATE YOU INSTEAD OF LEAVING ME AGONIZING OVER YOUR SILENT EXIT OUT OF MY LIFE YOU'RE IN EVERYTHING I SEE AND IT'S NOT FAIR BECAUSE YOU DON'T DESERVE TO STILL BE LINGERING IN THE LIFE OF SOMEONE WHO WOULD HAVE NEVER LEFT LIKE YOU DID

WHAT'S ABSURD IS THAT I STILL WAKE UP AT THREE IN THE MORNING FEELING LIKE YOU'RE CHOKING ME BECAUSE KNOTS FORM IN MY THROAT LIKE THERE'S A ROPE DYING TO BE CHOKED UP BUT I SUPPOSE THAT'S ONLY ME WANTING TO SCREAM YOUR NAME BECAUSE EVEN THOUGH YOU'RE LONG GONE AND I KNOW YOU'RE NOT COMING BACK MY LUNGS STILL SEARCH FOR YOU BECAUSE THEY FEEL LIKE THEY'RE GOING TO COLLAPSE IF THEY DON'T FIND YOU SOON PLEASE COME BACK AND BE MY OXYGEN AGAIN

THE FIRST TIME WE MADE LOVE WAS MARCH SEVENTH AND I'LL ALWAYS FEEL EMPTY ON THIS DAY EVERY YEAR UNTIL I DIE BECAUSE IT WAS A SCARRING NIGHT CONSIDERING WE KISSED EACH OTHER AT THE SAME TIME BECAUSE IT WAS APPARENT NEITHER ONE OF US COULD TAKE THE ANTICIPATION ANY LONGER AND OH HOW BEAUTIFULLY OUR LIPS EXPLORED EACH OTHER'S AND JUST THE WORDS MARCH SEVENTH IS ENOUGH TO MAKE MY SKIN CRAWL BECAUSE HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO JUST DROP EVERYTHING AND FORGET SOMEONE WHO FIRST MADE LOVE TO ME YOU CAN CLAIM ALL YOU WANT THAT WE WERE ******* BUT YOU DON'T TOUCH ME THE WAY THAT YOU WERE AND CALL IT ******* THE FUNNY THING IS I KNOW THAT YOU KNOW THAT WE WEREN'T ******* AND MAYBE THAT'S WHY YOU LEFT BECAUSE YOU'RE SCARED TO ACTUALLY LOVE SOMEONE FOR SOMEONE THAT SEEMED TO HAVE SO MUCH LOVE IN HIM THE ONLY THING THAT ENDED UP BEING A **** IS YOU NOT THE WAY YOU TOUCHED ME

I WONDER IF YOU EVER WAKE UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT BECAUSE YOU MISS ME TOO