Aching legs and laughter
Your hands pulled me on your back and we raced up the hills
I looked down upon his face, his eyes
Suddenly he was on your back too
We were soaring
There lay a little house atop a mountain
Inside it we rejoiced, banishing the mountain trudged
Our music was loud, our laughter louder
Dancing and shouting we galloped falling to a heap on your bed
A thousand candles were lit
Like a blanket of glowing stars
sending us into sweet scented dreams
Only to wake up alone

Full of fear
Unsettling need to hide to the truth
Emotionless yet full of emotions
Love concealed
Cold but passionate
Please don’t undress my love or you may find a mannequin
Please don’t undress a mannequin or you may find my love

"YOU SHALL NOT PASS"
lord of the rings fanatics, typical
Somehow controlling thousands of people turned us all into Gandalf
I guarded the food, you two the door
Most people don't tell you how healthy it is to assert yourself,
They crave passivity, fear aggression
Assertion doesn't mean aggression
Patriarchal society
How good it feels to stand tall
Huge like a mountain, wise like a wizard
If we are Gandalf you're the ring
I hope you get thrown into the pits of Mordor

Neither an optimist nor a pessimist
What an inner indecisiveness
I am reminded of the ocean
Flowing
Never fixed
A bottle is no place for the sea
You were not meant to be contained
Craving the freedom of your salty home

They flicker, bright lights
Yellow, not gold
Bigger than mine, your hands
You're a monster
I am starting to shatter
My palms feel the snow

I open my eyes to snow
Burning lights
Everything.. Shatter
I'm made of gold
I live with a monster
We hold hands

Mine are smaller, frail hands
Laying in the snow
We turn into a monster
No more lights
No more gold
Now shatter

You shatter
They break, our hands
I paint you gold
Transforming the snow
Under the lights
I'm not a monster

And yet, I am a monster
I thrive on the shatter
Hide from lights
Scratch with fearsome hands
Pad through the snow
Turn things to gold

It consumes everything, gold
Greed is the true monster
There's no longer snow
It's melted, we shatter
The bones have broken in my hands
Turn off the lights

You're gold
I'm the monster
Let it snow

Keep me company
Allow me to feel
Tell me your secrets, your stories, your woes
We belong in a different place
They think we're beasts
We thinks we're dragons

Fire gleams in our eyes
Our breath warms us
Destroying everything we touch
Destroying everything we love
They think we're mad
We think we're lost

Water was everywhere
Drenching us and flooding the yard
You were stronger, both stronger
Wrapping her up in slithery rubber
Water filling her mouth
She started to drown
Only I was left
Why are we doing this?
Somehow it was fun, kids playing games on a summer day
And yet it was more than that
As I was wrapped up and knocked to the ground I reached high, pulling myself up
Although blinded I wouldn't give up
I said I never give up
If nothing else at least I'm determined

I see you playing with childish grace
That same naive look upon your face  You're a temptress, maiden in disguise
his dark abusive hands made you to realize
Down down down you go
Into the unconscious full of woe
Eyes bring tears and food relieve too bad it's a deadly treat
Ah too bad you took the bait now below lies your fate
No matter how much of it you fear
You will return each year
To the darkness and what it brings
Until you finally emerge a queen
Your crown will be of ****** thorns
Throne a seat of menacing storms
From this blackness your beauty shines
Beauty was in sadness the whole time

I feel sick to my stomach
Reminding myself to breathe
Sick, twisted
Blood warm
I'm drowning in a bath of red
Melodies of chills run up and down my fragile spine
Pale flesh
I swear that I'm dying
My hands are anchors
Desperate to tear down anyone
Forcing them to drown with me
They stay away now
I miss them
Sick logic
I'm sick
My cries echoed through the hotel of white
"I want to tear myself apart"
Poison nails clawing desperately
Lethal injections
It worked
Ripped, torn, broken
Pieces of my self are lost, unattainable
I'm gone

Nostalgia steadily flows in
A constant trickle,
I'm filled with dreadful longing
Yearning
For what?
My heads been locked in a maze
Everything I once knew..
It fades in and out
Once again I'm left searching..
For something that does not exist
And yet I find myself convinced it does
Yearning for crimson, indigo, passion, and woe
What a magnificent thing it is to feel, to experience, to live
The days drag on and moods shift with the tides
I want to be static, unchanging, firm
A tree with it's roots solid,
Connected to the world
Instead I'm sea foam
Set adrift
Forced to roam
I'll never give up yearning for home

I can see the glue hole a minuscule thing
Helping me stay dry, I  thought you didn't know I've been drowning
Green trees, green moss, green tent
I miss waking every morning to pad my feet across the moist earth,
Off to search for something each day
Nostalgic, longing, yearning once again
I should've realized this would happen, it always happens
I miss even the prunes my hands became each day from the metal dishes
Japan, Montreal, France, Sri Lanka, Czech, Wales, Toronto, Iran, Mexico
Diverse languages, diverse people
I want to lay on the ***** sand of the lake or throw myself into the poisonous water and delight in your phrases
I don't need to understand them
I like the feeling of being gone, of being surrounded, of being free
But mostly of warm water on a happily drunk body

sun and snow come and go
everything always fleeting
leaves will fall as tears do
painful shivers cascading through
blood will drip as rain does
down your pale thighs
all alone and all alone
the truth lies within your eyes
death sticks are not the cure
neither are the razors
quite frankly I don't believe there really is a savior

Warm me up with your breath
The frost of winter destroys my soul
My inner fire is bright and strong
It’s not enough

Someday the tape from your eyes will fall- lose its stick
Perhaps then you won't be as blind
Inevitable suffering
You're decaying
'Why do you say the things you think?'
I hear your tears
Life leaves tremors for the girl blind to the world

I can't stop writing, maybe I shouldn't
I hope the words won't cease to flow
Many thoughts spilling out in an endless flood
Maybe this is the real Noah's arc
Perhaps the flood was god never ending words and the animals were Noah's feelings he wanted to keep concealed in the arc of his mind
Perhaps like god my words are water and are cleansing
After I spill what I need to maybe I'll be fresh, reborn
I never did read the bible though
Church sermons made me feel boringly proper

I wish I didn't sigh so much
Somehow I don't know how else to express myself
These days feel longer, I'm weighted down
I miss you
Brown eyes aren't often spoken about but I think of yours everyday
If we were to return to our magic kingdom I hope the water would stay warm and the moon bright
My life is composed of short stories that all start better than they finish
I wouldn't mind being frozen in time if it was with you
That pond could be our lotus casino
You're always on my mind
You're always searching for adventure and I'm always searching for you

You are not the king
You are a mere ghost
Living only in your head
Engulfed in your shelter
Not freedom only a prison
A terrifying habitat
You still wonder why no one comes to visit
Praying for their presence
Like it would would make the loneliness
Easier to swallow

There's something about turning a photo black and white that changes it
A sad quality suddenly emerges
The photograph interrogates you
Asks you what you long for
Showing my back as I gaze upon the wild sea
What do I dream of? What do I fear?
Is it universal or original? Is there anything truly original?
It's funny the gray area is that between the lines
I've always found gray to be dismal, foggy, but not the truth
Black reveals the mystery and white purifies it
Gray still exists though
Their blended to nothing
I'm envious

Everything is exploration
Mazes underground one thing leading to the next
Bisou Bisou
My tongue marvels at the words
I never realized why it was called a train of thought until the metro connected the places I've been
All about connection
Everything's about connection
The way your hugs match his
Or the city sings the same song
Painters expressing the same feelings
There was rain and sundresses
Different customs, I like yours better
You made me crave age, freedom, the city
Old and new buildings alike
Fancy bars and expensive clothes
A life I've never had
I still marvel at the taste

My body withers with the flowers
I'm convinced I am one
Perhaps I'm a rose, beautiful and deadly
Deceitful temptress, looks aren't everything
Or how about a lily, innocent and naive
Forever trusting, the victim of a child's gleeful hands
Maybe I'm a violet, deep and soul searching
Immersing you in waves of feeling
Ah, it seems it doesn't matter
Dead petals crunch all the same

I felt like a hero
It felt like a journey
Stars blazed a path and we followed like fools
Ignorant of all but our laughter
The howls and cries couldn't bother us now, not here
We were closer than we thought
Under the mighty tree we became one
A clan made from dirt, leaves, and sticks
They clung to our clothes and hid in our nails
Word by word
Connections grew
We were exploding
Lights were suddenly blinding
Judgement time
Dark reveals, light conceals
We didn't pass the test
Perhaps we were villains after all

'Heartache to heartache we stand'
If only that were true
We divide, we fight, we fall
If only we could stand, if only things could last
The people in my life are as fleeting as my thoughts..
They terrorize my psyche just the same  
If all our arms were thick and strong
Maybe then we could stand, like one big line of red rover
However people are broken, arms are weak, and most people are not so keen to touch another if it's anything more than physical
Devoted friends flee, relationships vanish
I'm left wondering if anything ever existed in the first place, if I even exist
I make everything up in my head
Maybe I made myself up too

Not a word was spoken,
Our eyes refused to see one another
"I care about you"
Not enough to fix this

Drunkenly I play,
Amongst the laughing roses
Hair of violet, eyes maroon
Everything is giddy and everything is gay
Life is like it would have been had I never gone astray
No one led me here you see, I'm afraid I led myself
I fear things may be better had I been kept hidden on a shelf
But I'm not a stuffed toy
And this is not a movie
I'm playing out a part although
Afraid that once again I'll lose me

i. My head is throbbing and my arms swelled
ii. Everything's a blur. I can't picture your face anymore
iii. I don't remember screaming but I probably did
iv. Your lips oh god your lips
v. I'm a mess