My dreams were always vague, simple
to be happy
to lead and live the life I was meant to lead
to save the world

those whispered thoughts kept in the small vials of my heart
kept me going and kept me working
for an obscure THE DREAM

but I think, I finally found THE DREAM
secured it inside the confined space between my hands  
i  know now what I want and was meant to become

and THE DREAM scares me, worries me, stresses me at the sake of failure and my insignificance and my insufficiency
but most of all it flutters the sleeping butterflies and churns the blood of my tired silent heart

*and I simply can't wait for it to be real

we all woke up
with another violence
another death
in our news and our feed

we all woke up
with shock and grief
and that ever so helpless sigh

we all woke up
knowing that the world we keep waking up to
becomes a bit more like hell everyday

to so many senseless deaths and torn tragedies
to all those insincere prayers and thoughts
when the **** are we going to talk about the real issue
the gun violence

when the **** is the right ******* time your ******* to admit
that we need gun control right now because it makes no ******* sense that in one of the most developed, largest, richest countries in the 21st century have people with automatic rifles that could hurt over 500 people. it just doesn't make sense

and with another tear in our social media feed, this will fade until another erupts until another erupts until another erupts
until we realize that we have been in hell the whole time

if life is a flower
and love the honey

you are the bee.

took a break to find myself

that's what you said

but when you came back

the you i found wasn't the you i hoped you would find

you have to
hold on
thin gossamer of a rope
perhaps a figment of your imagination or
a trembling vial that will fall with the slightest wind
because everyone is hurting and tired and sick

and there is you, this magnificent ray of a
******* light that the world needs to keep breathing

so hold on
to whatever it may be
because you
you are worth so much more than
this insult or that person or that test or that job
you
by the virtue of breathing and existing and living
are the very best, highest epitome
of this race we call human

they say that self-pity is the worst medicine
but then again
you were my worst habit