Ocean skies
In your eyes
Reflected upside down
Me, a clown
Big red nose
Pacing the rows
Counting up all the things
Make my soul sting
Do you like me or are you just desperate?
Maybe a little of both.
Can you keep this oath?
Only if Art agrees.

I thought I could exchange
*** for love
Cat food for caviar
Knives for bullets
Nothing for everything.
The exchange rate isn't listed
And I've forgotten how
To kiss
To eat
To cut
To trade.

The dicktip
Soft lick
Swift kick
That's him.
Say this or that.
Matte paint
And ginger ale
Pale light and shadow
Under his eyes,
In his eyes,
Under my skin,
In my belly.
Jelly
And peanut butter
Because that's all he can afford.
Board
a plane
Because all I can afford is to leave.
Pay in love next time.

"Eyes open"
You said to me in the mirror.
So I slice keenly
Urgently
At the stitches forcing them shut.
So I cut carelessly
Uselessly
At the ropes holding me up.

Eyes rolling black
To run to what I lack
And from your memories
However warm
However cherished

Warm turned scalding
Cherished turned consuming

I evaporate
Slowly like a puddle
Into humid air

My particles
Invisible
To her eyes
To his eyes
To your eyes.
But felt heavy
In her lungs
In his lungs
In your lungs

I condense
Reluctantly like a scared teenager
Into the middle of breath.

You. Stupid shoulders and sideburns.
Turns
We take
To Make
Ways to harm
Charm
Your way into my mind
Only to leave me behind
Under folds of fabric.
Brick
Thick
Stick
Is your ooze to my brain
Crain your neck
Hold on, here is a check
To even out what I lack
Track
Back
Begin again.

Are you going to enter
the arena
or not?
Sail away from the marina
'Cause you're afraid of what you haven't got
You're afraid of this Athena

Are you going to run from
the pain
or not?
Numb with pizza, *****, and *******
'Cause you're afraid of what you haven't got
You're afraid of the back-breaking strain

While you think the armor is doing you good
your numbness, your excuses, your perfectionism, your would;
Really, it is only destructive and blocks your could.

Make a list
Make a plan
Make a choice
Still, a confusing man

Take off your clothes
Take less than you give
Take the girl for granted
Still forget to live

Check things off
Jack things off
Shrug things off
Still overfill the trough

Turn the boy on
Turn the light on
Turn the stove on
Still hold back your yawn

All so you can see life:
a coin of meaning and frivolity
in pursuit of harmony

is empty
echo
stacco
on the walls
through the halls
we run
and ride
bikes
hikes
we planned but never did
parents put the lid
on our dreams and thoughts
now the cots
and pots
are set up on the floor
I just want you more
with jelly jello jiggling right to my core
pour
pouring
rain
raining
training yourself
to starve a little more
more
ore
or
oranges stacked
stupidly packed
all the dishes are broken
and here is this ****** token
to replace the love I could never give you
here is your cue
to take all you have and leave
leave
leave
leaving
you are always just leaving
leaves are always just leaving
and thieves are always just coming
cuming
on my nose
pose
hose down you hopes
its only about how she copes
mopes
mops
and brooms
scattered in rooms
overlooking gray grass and blooms
and the wind blows the petals hard
card
signed only with your name
I don’t blame
you or her for preferring
your and hers second chance
dance
dance
dancing
in the empty house echoing.

There isn't enough
sunlight to keep
the plants alive.
Thus, fake sunlight
bathing a fake "I love you",
keeping it alive
because leaves can't tell the difference
between me on the pills
and me off the pills.
Now my finger
fingers the on-off switch.

I live on the moon.
Rocketed here last noon.
A Running Away
because of my mind and child's play.

I spend all day
building people
Out of moon-dust clay.
An army, A steeple
All without pay.

This is my punishment:
Slash at the sun,
Smell not a single scent,
And see no one
made of anything but clay.

I am just a rat,
some object all the boys pick and kick and lick at,
tease, and put in a cage,
saw in half, and sew back together
with their **** and *******--
their sweet nothings
their bitter sentences.
They're lies,
blades,
dark, heroic, and valiant seas that drown rats.
They're litter all over consciousness.

The car
was running.
The star
was shining
under a black spotlight.
The girl
was losing the fight
between simplicity
and clarity to see:
What life really is,
What life really means,
What life breaks.

Brown ponytail:
as long as she’s been alive,
sandy like
hot straw as she pedaled that baby blue bike.
In that moment,
when she looked the other way,
she lost the ability to say,
"Only one more mile."
Because she was just a pile
Of cherry red mush.

Zombie eyes,
wide like the skies
covering up space.
Her: blushed with the pace
of the day.
Fifty reasons to say,
“no,” fifty less
in favor of asking,
“how?”

Put duct tape over your mouth
before you go south.

Be something you didn’t even pick.
Just stick
your finger down your throat.

Oh, don’t forget the moat
around your fragile castle--
Made from mud
sud up your hair
with pretty pink soap.

Trip down the slippery *****.
Hey, if only you could cope
with the meaning
of all the jellyfish trapped behind the glass.

I take my breath,
my regular heart beat,
And bottle it
out in the space
Of everything he forgot. Ignored.
Selling the difference between black and white
Selling you something that is worth my fight
is an endless song we still sing.

You put in a bendy straw
And ******
Out all the color of an already vanilla milkshake
Telling the difference between real and fake
Telling you something you don’t believe
Was a doctor rolling up his sleeves.

It was a sour lemon
A flavor
An aftertaste
A feeling of what its like
To notice
A pretty clear glass.
Just pass
The clock
Down the long
Mahogany table
A song
On repeat
A slow beat
On the steering wheel
Just steal
This pretty clear glass
Before it smashes on the tile

He knew
it was made
with a poetic queue,
with a slight of hand.
He laid
on her fuzzy apartment floor
that sounded like tapping and ticking
of distant metronomes
he had forgotten long ago.
His volume was low
on his ruby red guitar--
Six strings rusting.
He only felt the busing
of expectations not fully known.
If only he were alone.
If only he had seen
that she is something
more than just a traffic cone.

She knew
It would be good
as she stood
under a sky more colorful than blue.
As she stood
on a threshold of something
that smelled like the silk and satin
he had slept on just the night before,
She hoped for more
than red lights flashing,
than hearts surrounded by fences.
But, she only heard the mashing
of sweetened heartstrings not fully cooked.
If only she had looked
for something more than a cookbook.

I always want to make you laugh
When we talk.
A gorgeous green celery stalk
Crunching under the pressure
Of her teeth;
A long walk
Down the shoreline
her hand in mine;
A twirl of her salted bones,
And me, eating nothing
but pizza and ice cream cones;
and the stuffing of
her exploded heart,
her forgotten art
collected by a face
That finally cares.

Sticky ribs
A dozen mad libs
That we couldn’t fill in
Saying no to gin
In a ***** martini
Pulling off that bikini
What was all that worth?
Maybe nothing

Look at him and go out on a limb,
Or am I suppose to use a three by five?
Slop on the mascara,
Know the difference between "por" and "para".
Go to this school, so they can feel secure;
Be clean, be pure.
Starve- you can't be fat.
Fail because you didn't follow format.
"I don't care how well you draw,
Just go to Harvard and study law."
They'll lay out your life step-by-step,
And yes, you will be every teachers' pet.
I don't care what you do;
Be cut-throat, be cruel,
Anything to be:
This cookie cutter you made for me.

The pool on sixth avenue,
Down the road and past the zoo,
Was deep.
And many would leap
Into a blue that must have weighed a ton,
But this poem isn't done.

This pool I just mentioned,
Compares to a friendship that nearly cured me of my tension.
It's depth and profound impact,
Have changed the way I see a friend, that's a fact.

Even though I maybe away,
I will keep you tucked inside and carry your mark everyday.

Thank you for everything you did for me
And for helping me to see:
Life in the light of understanding.

Drip Drop Pop
Open close
Unrip the closet door
Hinge
And cringe at the thought of more
Starving artist, so poor

Drip Drop Flop
Close open
The mess is in a frame
Real
And feel the dream that never came
Paint brush becomes lame

Drip Drop Mop
Up the tears
Fringe
On the end of your jacket that I see in the mirrors
Losing, failing my biggest fears

Drip Drops
Flow down the petals of your face

Swimming through the dark
Just looking for your mark
A sign of your heavenly visitation
It is too bad I run into many a imitation
There are many who are fake who rake me across the coals
Because they mask their souls
When I catch a glimpse of you
A sparkle, shimmering through the shadows of life, please remember me too

I cannot spread my wings to fly with you
For my feathers are tattered and clipped and not at all new.
So I will see you fly up up and away
But your kiss promises me that everything will be okay.
I cannot help that I feel so alone as I wander through the mist
So cold and small
I await the very day when you will call
And tell me you are forever mine

So the fallen angel I am
Is not a white woolen lamb
And I don't know if white can love the sight
that they have drawn.

I grade your paper on what I see
Or what the Validictorian gives to me
She tells you to write in pen.
Come on boys, grow up to be men!
The only thing she cares about is if you’re in ASB.
Pleasing the teacher is the key.
You’re up the creek without a paddle,
If you have your own style of hitching up the saddle.
The horse you ride is like a paper,
If you don’t follow format you’re sure to fall.
This riding lesson has taught me nothing,
Except that conformity wins them all.

What did I want to say?
Carbons strung together
But not quite sticking
Quick enough
to make a sentence.
Describing how you fooled me
Trapped me
Took me
Showed me
Exactly what a boy like you
Could give
what a boy like you
Could conjure
Conjole
Console
Could take
Break
Leave
Run from,
Right as the carbons
Stuck together
Into one solemn sentence:
I will always care about you
And you will never care about anything.

Clear water
a deep breath before
diving down,
dodging dark sharks
of fear.
Clear water
helps my search of the rope
rotting ripe
and ripped upon the coral.
I reach for it.
Will you let me take it?

Comb through the details
like a primordial
pitiful
primate.
Try to find the millisecond
moment
movement
where you decided to wiggle free.
Fake key
Far away

High heeled boot
His time, her loot
Thrown onto the tracks.
He cries, she packs.
As she stands on the platform,
confusion becomes the norm.

Headless
Shirtless
Arms, speechless
He lays beneath the tracks
and feels the death he lacks.

She met him in high school
there was a motorcycle
her pink shirt
Thirty
some-odd years
He has a divorce and a half
She has a tumor and a laugh
indicative of decline.
Three kids on the line
What's the price of a tickle to his parts?
Five hearts.

Your introduction:
a cow carcass in the fridge
Your destruction:
a black burned bridge
Your construction:
a fake, plastic heart for mom
and a bomb
into already destroyed lives.
There is no apology
or technology
that can fix this war zone.

They can make you stop feeling pain
But they can't make you stop feeling love.
Strange brain
because they are kind of,
often
the very same thing.

This place makes me angry
because the heater is out of control
because my mind is out of control
because here is where even cacti die
dry
barren
yet full of concrete buildings
mortar
metal screws
yet there you are, a sprout
green
small
yet blossoming tall.

His air is snow
blanketed white willowed
over his heart; lo,
I slush. My jacket billowed.

Cheap wine, plump grapefruit,
sun dresses, and kisses--
a pirate's loot
from Jack Frost's cavern. He misses
his coin turned to color on my cheeks.
No different than missus
from under red light streaks.

Dinner alone
More often than not
Because dinner with you
Has only the difference of plates: two.
Why?
Where?
None of it matters.
We don't care.
Listen, instead, to others' chatters
About dreams
And why they have them
Far away, us, torn at the seams.

A sharp mind dulled
While I run
From the dark death undertows.
Pulling from unseen roses, a gun,
And fragile bullets, columns, rows.
Truly no escape
From a serpent, Eden, and apples.

They don't care
If you're concerned
With yin and yang, a pair
Or a soul like butter churned.

They will never taste your mind
Like they taste your body.
Hard to find
Distant, spotty.

That won't stop them
Or clip their thorned stem.

Red bikini
With zig zags, black
Ties untied, tucked into my sack.
I said no
You said that won't work
Sly smirk
Distaste and bitter
Forcefully you litter
Your body onto mine
Below the line
Above my face
Now my red bikini just causes a sour taste
Ruined high and low
By my unheard no.

Your mind will never be free.
A smog of emotion, you, and me
pollutes perfection;
a strong conviction
for x, y, or z
makes truth hum vaguely.
Fear and the whole **** mess
skews secret subconsciousness
Confounding our dirt perfection,
our galaxy-star-dust-energy-affection.

****** candles
with wax walled wicks
to light at first,
the flame must linger
break
burn
behold a light bringer
slowly melting away
yielding to darkness

Set everything on fire:
Earth becomes a sun
Because you went super nova.
Because you are awake.
Because you believe there is a God
To hate.
You want flames on the ground
To match the flames in your heart.
But you already have your wish.
The world
The people
burn every second.

Clouds cover the sun
As it rises over waves; as I run
Away from actions
Dictated by fears, and false fractions
Of heart and understanding.
Slowly burning pink, demanding
The attention of crowds,
the sun escapes the clouds.

What closes her eyes
Even when they are open?
Loss.
A life at cost
To him or them or you.

Why not engineer all the mistakes away?
We could evolve into machines.
Then there wouldn't be cells
To proliferate
Uncontrollably.
There wouldn't be thoughts
Only wires.
I wouldn't end up at your door.
I wouldn't care
About the valleys,
Mountain ranges,
That your white cotton shirt stretches over.
We could be ones and zeroes-
A code for no heartbreak.

There were feathers
In the gutter
Next to the cigarettes.
Another slow stutter
in the composition of nature:
Your ring on the left
Deftly alloyed.
Delicate next to the destroyed.
He only loves rhymes
So at certain times
I add one to make him listen.
A shotgun
Wedding, a glimmering glisten
Even as four cells large,
I am a turbulent charge
Across the flock of phonixes
Their feathers falling to the gutter