A Poem For Each Of The Boys I’ve Ever Loved

Ⅰ.
sometimes your scent travels in the wind,
suffocating me like a nasty perfume,
leaving me to wonder if i’ll ever forget your smell.

Ⅱ.
you wore the sweatshirt you let me borrow a few days ago
i mean, i don’t even think you remember i had it at all.
it was just another sweatshirt in your drawer.

Ⅲ.
your handwritten notes sit in neat pile next to my bed.
it has occurred to me that maybe thats the cause of my nightmares.
but really i think you’re the reason for everything and anything.

Ⅳ.
you have the prettiest eyes in the whole entire world.
im satisfied knowing i was once the reason they lit up so bright.
I’ll never let someone take the sparkle in my eyes away again.

Ⅴ.
we used to listen to music together and we’d laugh a lot.
you’d snicker at they way i lip sang to myself.
and id laugh because you really didn’t care i was a ******.

ⅤⅠ.

most of my days are spent wishing you were still here
you never really know how much you love someone
until they don’t love you anymore and thats a sick thought.


(ps, each of these poems are about you and only you and always you. i miss you. love always, the pathetic girl with a big heart and green eyes.)

Hurt me.
Get drunk and tell me you love me and you've never wanted
Someone more than you want me.
Then run to her when you're too afraid to face your words.

Tell me.
Get drunk and hurt me because you don't want
Anyone more than her.
Then run to me when you feel like you'll never be good enough for her.

Need me.
Because I get drunk and all I need is you.

I wanted to be a poet, so I folded myself into an envelope addressed to the moon and asked the man what he thought about your sweaty palms after our first kiss. He was quiet for a minute or so before he asked me, "do you love him?" I gulped. As if my gulp was enough for him, he went silent. He didn't ask questions, names or numbers. He didn't give advice that made me wish I hadn't spoken at all. We just stood there for a very long time and he finally broke what was such a loud silence with a sentence you may never understand. He said, "you're not a Poet, you're a Lover."

don’t tiptoe around her feelings.
don’t smother truths among lies.
don’t think you can mend her porcelain heart.
don’t expect her to listen to you.
don’t tell her to grow up.
don’t ask her too many questions when she’s hurting.
don’t be afraid to touch her scars.
don’t rush her.

do love her endlessly.
do stay with her and just hold her.
do play with her hair.
do kiss away her tears.
do hum in her ear softly as you stroke her back.
do stay with her while she sleeps.
do stay with her while she wakes.
do respect her boundaries.
do have patience.
do feel honoured when she opens up to; it is a rare thing and means she values you.

Did you really think I was okay?
  when you saw my nicotine-stained teeth
Did you really think I was okay?
  when the only sound heard from recycling were
    the heavy clank! of bottles
Did you really think I was okay?
  when I only wore long sleeves in the steaming
    summer
Did you really think I was okay?
   when they cut me open and saw my bruised and
   battered corpse?