Let me tell you about a game i play,
where i close my eyes and fade away...

i float away to a special kind of place,

Beyond the stars, moon and space,
in this special place you see, there are only
two people- you and me- in this place,
all is right- nothing but love, and we
never fight

In this place, there is no sadness, no cells,
no courts, non of that madness, no rules to
follow, no laws to break, no bars to hold us or
separate, no one to tell us we cant kiss or touch...

I don't just tell you "i love you"- i show you how much,
but eventually the game must end...

My eyes must open, and reality will set in... but
someday soon- and I'm not sure when... but i will
close my eyes and I'll play my game again...

The Outlaw Josey Wales doesn't shoot so much anymore,
he has nothing to shoot at.

The sun blazes and it blazes and it burns all those under it
with extreme prejudice.

From the Alpha to the Omega the teeth of wolves are sharp
and they tear through flesh with such disregard.

Jack Kerouac is still writing, the ink still rolls from his pen on to paper
but now, thankfully, nobody knocks on his door.

Death will come once, and death will come for all,
and I'm sure when death comes, I will be cold
and all alone.

On the first day I noticed nothing but your hair.
How it caught the sunlight and reflected it tenfold.
How it swayed around your neck.

On the second day I noticed nothing but your lips.
How they individually felt between my teeth.
How they left marks upon my neck and thighs.

On the third day I noticed nothing but your mouth.
How the words flowed out, powerful as an ocean.
How your teeth would bite me ear, drawing blood.

On the fourth day I noticed nothing but your hands.
How they held mine, always eager to calm them.
How they pulled the needle out of your arm, quivering.

On the fifth day I noticed nothing but your legs.
How they powerfully allowed you to stride great lengths.
How they were ever in motion, even in your deepest parts of sleep.

On the day sixth I noticed nothing but collarbones.
How I wanted nothing more but to crawl in to them and rest.
How I could gently **** on them, causing your whole body to palpitate.

On the seventh day and for years since I have noticed nothing but each individual hair on your body.
They each have a name, Kassandra, Jared, Peter, Ryan, Falyn, Jacob, Hammed, Caroline, Audrey, Yo-Landi, Diane, Khajjitt, Daralyn, forever and ever and ever.

On the last day I noticed how I never noticed your eyes.
But you were gone,
and I could not tell you what color they are.

it took me
many nights
torment
of swallowing
the salt water
and everything
we meant

but
somehow
in the mornings
I no longer taste
your name

Happiness lands softly when it comes,
wrapped in a friend’s “I miss you” text,
or a photo on the internet that makes you smile
for the first time in what feels like days.

Happiness, that fleeting feeling of contentment,
ever chased and ever elusive
dancing on the breeze of a perfect day
towards oblivion in the sun’s hot rays.

We do the best we can
while we wait for happiness to visit.
Drudging through the bad times
with the faint hope and promise of joy someday.

Rock bottom was my home
But I slipped through the cracks
Free falling into oblivion
With no end in sight, I wait
Dreaming of the night
You will be here next to me
Promising that everything will be okay

But optimism is a fools gold
And Eve cursed us
So I know there is no hope for lost souls
No peace for weary minds
Just a life full of pain, and fear
Empty bottles on the night stand
And unanswered prayers

Two years ago I wouldn't have seen this coming
Drinking until I stumble and fall to the ground
Pools of scarlet grow with my arms slowly dripping
Believe me, I've been trying to turn it around

i lay awake at night
and
listen to the sound the rain makes.
it spatters onto the ground with such purpose
that i can not help but feel jealousy in the pit
of my empty stomach.
the rain knows where its going and where its been.
i wander, confused at who i am and who i'm going to be.
i crave the feeling of certainty.
to know if i'm going to pull the string attached to my lips
and pull it into another forced smile another day.
i lay awake at night and
wish to be a drop of rain.