I hate every last bit of this.
All I want is to love you,
But you have no interest in being loved.
Sweetheart,
I am so tired of these games.
This party has grown old,
These lies have turned stale.
Tell me honestly how old are we??
I do not wish to throw accusations at you.
You are as free as you wish to be.
Your decisions are your own.
But tell me now that you do not love me,
So I can try all I can to walk away,
To move on,
Without you.
Without you.
I know you do not love me,
But my foolish heart remains hopeful.
So please tell me,
That I might lay this foolish heart to rest.

*I will always love you.

Does it so much matter
Who we are
As it matters that we are.
That we are at all,
Anything at all??
For I am content,
With a blind existence,
As long as I can see you
Existing along side me.
In darkness I know
Not what we are,
But I feel you breathe beside me,
And that alone fills me up.

I've scrubbed off all the makeup,
Stripped of all my clothes.
I have to face my body,
Bony and blue,
Still so young,
But visibly aging.
I'd give anything
To see myself
In true state again.
The I that I was,
Young, pure, and untouched.
The I before the first sense
Of self awareness,
The I before that first
Cool, innocent cigarette,
The I before that first secret drink,
The first forced kiss,
The first basement time alone,
The first walk home to not my home,
The first flirt,
The first sneak out,
And the paranoia that came with it all.
I haven't seen that I
In far too long,
Nor do I know if I'll see her
Ever again.
But sometimes it's nice to try,
To break myself down
To my rawest state
In hopes of finding her once more.
So I'm just standing here.
Naked and my face scrubbed raw,
Being stung by those tears
I tried so hard to avoid,
Looking my I in the eye
And whispering,
"You're still in there.
I know you are.
You're still in there."
God, I hope.

Where do we stand??
Where do we stand??
You tell me.
For we both know
That a single kiss
Can mean everything,
And a single kiss
Can mean nothing at all.
So you tell me,
My dear,
Which was ours??