I want to be your
favorite song
on the B-side
of and old record.

                And I want to
    inspire you
to tap your feet.

                  The same way you
make my heart thump
         in an off-tempo beat.

I can't find the reasons, I keep asking why.
There's so much to life but we all fear to die.
Is it a gift or is it a curse?
We're so focused on success that we lose sight of our worth.

Ladies and gentleman,
there's something I really need to say.
We need to stop living for tomorrow
and start living for today.

Broken,
lost,
hopeless.
We are all ghosts.
Yet we feel the pain, love, and hatred from others.
From everything we once knew.
They're more than just dreams
that never came true.
They're everything I've wanted
and so much more.
And if happiness is
making something
out of nothing.
Then I need to take this... This...
This... Feeling of
nothingness,
and fix what
shouldn't be
broken.

Every day I contemplate;
       This feeling never goes away.
There's nothing I can do.

There's something deep within my mind;
     I swear it's racing all the time.
Why can't I calm down?

Don't tell me that it's just a phase,
  It's been four years to this day,
And still I have no hope.

I'm not one to forget,
   I have no use for amends.
Please, just walk away.

Give me something to believe,
    Not your sense of empathy,
You'll only waste your time.

Don't worry about
Tomorrow
Until tomorrow
Comes,
Because no one is
Guaranteed
To live that long.

Don't dwell or live
In the past.
You cannot change
What has been said
Or what has happened.

Like most things in life;
Time is out of our control.
And when it comes down to it
At the end of every day,
The only thing that matters
Is whether we accept and learn from our decisions.
Or continue to drown in all the ideas for
"What could have been."

I can
Apologize
A thousand times
But still
It won't
Solve
Anything
That has gone
Wrong.

I never meant
For things to
End the way
They did,
And
I never
Really had the
Chance
To make things
Right.

Now
Everything I've
Done
Is just
Everything
I
Did

And those
Three words
Just
Can't be
Said.

The hard part was
trying to convince
myself that it
was the right
thing to do.

A piece of me dies
every time
I see you.

But you're happy,
and that smile
on your face
has never seemed
so pure.

So if this is
what's best
for you,
then I'll continue
to
pretend.

take my kindness
and throw it
back in my face.

Go ahead;
walk all over
me and use
me as you may.

Go ahead...
do exactly
what everyone
else does-

I'll remember
*all of it

I used to spend time
Worrying about
How other people
Looked at me.
              Until I asked myself;
      Is there
      Anyone
      I really
      Need to
      Impress?

Last night,
in a moment where I was lost somewhere between doubt and honesty, I found myself left asking only more questions;
       Left with more answers that
    I don't have "right now."

This moment revealed something to me, as well as made me think of many other people in my life.

We are all just kids with
commitment issues that are
trying to make everything
"okay."

We were
under the bridge;
looking at the street lights
and the half frozen,
patiently racing
river.
               We started talking
about all the things
we've done;
all of the things we
simply did.
               And I thought to myself...
        "maybe this is growing up."

People will believe
What they want to
Believe.
          It is not up to Us
To decide whether their
Beliefs
Are fact or fiction.
          So don't waste
Your time
Worrying about what
Other People's
Judgement and Concerns
May be.
          Because in the end,
    You're only left
With
     Yourself.

Have you ever
Noticed
A time where
Everything
Yes, I mean literally
Everything,
Just falls into
Place?

Where time stops
For a second.

You can't do
Anything,
At all.

Your eyes
Can't look
Away
And your
Brain
Doesn't want
You too
As your
Heart
Begs for
The image to
Stay.

Have you ever
Noticed
How I
Get lost
Every time
You walk into
The room?

Have you ever
Noticed
That I almost
Hang on your
Every next
Word?

Have you ever
Noticed
That when I'm
With you
Everything
Yes, I mean literally
Everything
Just falls into
Place?

"Not giving a ****"
and "acceptance"
are two entirely
different things.

        One lets you
   walk away,
           and the other
        lets you sleep
   with yourself at night.

   Don't mistaken the two for
          being the same.

There's something
About listening
To the rain
Fall on the streets
Below
While looking
Out from the
Third story
Window
That I find
So peaceful.

As I hit my
Cigarette
The last few times
Before dying it out,
Like everything I've
Ever dreamt about,
I stop to wonder
Where my life
May go.
I could live to see the
Age of twenty-five,
But I guess time
Only knows.

There
will
be a day
where you don't
run-across
my mind
whenever
I wake up.
           But for now,
I'll let you
rest as I
enjoy my
morning
cup
of
tea.

The  
                               Snow
    Keeps
                    On
Falling,
                    And
        ­  The
                              Wind
   Keeps
                          On
  Howling.

So I think I'll just stay inside.

I woke up this-morning
feeling like I didn't
belong here.

And it took
every ounce of me
to convince myself
that I should stay...

Getting
out of bed
shouldn't be the
hardest part
of any day.

I'm quite aware of the
           "Mistakes"
That I have made.
And I understand what the
     "Consequences"
Are for everything I've
         Done.
So there is absolutely
       No need
For you to remind me.

      I'm quite
           Content
                With it all.

An open
ear
that can't
be seen
will hear
all the
truths that
lie beneath.

I'm here,
The sun has set,
The moon sits behind the clouds,
The streets are deprived of light.

One street light flickers on and off,
My worries are heavy,
My strength is weak,
The world is at my door,
Luckily I'm not home.
I have a few more moments left,
I don't have to face it yet.

So where do I go from here?
I don't want to leave my fading light 
Even though the only way I'll move on
Is if I face my fears
And go forth into the dark 

Things lurk within the corners 
Scary things
Like
The truth
And 
Life

I can't believe I'm here
In the flickering light 
Deciding whether or not
To go back to my heart,
To walk forth into darkness,
Or to face honesty and spite
So I can be home again
With the world at my door
Finding the strength and hope
To let her in

But for now,
I'm still here,
The sun has set,
The clouds are passing
And the moon is starting to show,
Shedding light,
Hinting at what I should
Do.

and together,
we will breathe life
into the possibility
of tomorrow.
     And the sweetest dream
of waking by your side
could finally be something
that happened
yesterday.

Sometimes,
I just feel really low...

And I can't make sense
of anything
good until
it's standing
    in
    my
    way.

"I can't"
  &
"I don't know"
             These are two
       Very common phrases
       I find myself using a lot
              These days.
      Maybe it's due to the fact
That I don't want
       To
           Try;
     I'm starting to
     Believe
     That I'm afraid
     Of moving on.

You looked me
         in the eyes
before you
     said your
         good-byes,
                           and I could've
                   sworn I felt
           our hearts
stop beating.

I just want people to notice that
I actually do care.
    I care about a lot of obstacles
 and a lot of people.

Maybe I'm trying to make up
for all the years of wronging and
misjudgment I put upon other
people.
               The same misjudgment
               and wronging
               that has been
               reflected
               upon me.

My plans
don't usually
work out -
I'm okay with that-
but the idea
of sulking in my ****
will drive me mad.

So, like everything
else in life:

I'm just going to
say "**** it."

I'm realizing that
I will always
discover something new
about myself.
Only if I can I keep an open mind
and try to find acceptance in the
things I cannot change.

I have so much more life
                                to live.
                     I cannot be afraid
         of wonder and risk.

In morrow,
The sun will rise,
Greeting me
With a
Soothing warmth.
                And by noon,
           My being
   Will be as
                  Calm as
   A gentle          evening
          Breeze.

Maybe I should
shoot you,
          and maybe you should
    shoot me.
But in the end,
      it really won't change
                         a thing;
          you're just
an awful
         human being.

In the midst of my confusion-
             I find peace,
Even though I haven't slept in weeks.  
              -is it justified?
I'm always asking questions like
           "how?" or "why?"
Because believing in something
      is just too **** hard to try.
             Can I compromise?
Please, can I compromise?
                Is it true that we only ever
              practice what we preach?
         And that everything in life
is simply based on our beliefs?
         Is this all a dream?
                 Is this all a dream?

We are not broken.
So why has this life
constantly been about
"Picking up the pieces."?

Chyeanne called me last night.
She told me that she wanted to be home,
and I could feel the longing
instilled with every word
her weary voice spoke.

But I don't know if I can leave them, Chyeanne.
I just don't think that they'll understand.
And although I love the way the sunset looks in your eyes,
we will always be
distant lovers
for what could
have been.

I've been feeling so weak,
No matter what I do I feel such a lack of energy within myself.
Empty stomach, heavy arms, weary legs, and light headed sensations; my physical state has been like this for a while now.

I don't feel company when people are around.
Inside its still just me, myself, and I.
I don't know what to do or how to even go about changing this.

When I wake up in the morning, I almost want to curse the sun for it rising again.
I'm out of energy and I can't do this anymore.
I'm hungry for something and I can't place my finger on exactly what it is.
I'm not okay.
I'm not fine.
My heart is breaking with every day that passes by
And I can't find a reason to smile.
I am not normal,
There is clearly something wrong.

I just want to sleep while knowing there's no specific time I have to be up the following day.
I want to eat and feel full.
I want there to be days when I have to wake up and no matter how bad the previous day was, there's a smile still sitting on my almost completely jaded face.
I want to hold while being held.
I want to speak and be spoken too.
I want to listen and have someone do the same for me.

And most of all
I want to be strong.

So let the rain pour
I'll sleep today
Don't wake me till morrow
Unless you're here to stay

Give me this blessing
That I'll wake by your side
If the rain is still pouring
We'll stay inside

When it's over and the flowers bloom
I'll pluck a dozen and give them to you
The drops of rain will glisten and shine
Just like the brightness of your beautiful eyes

Give me this day
O' so full of rest
And allow me to show you
My very best.

I could have really used a shoulder to lean on;
Even though I was at home,
I still managed to feel completely alone.
And as I lied there, with thoughts about suicide and everything I've done wrong racing through my brain,
I never once bothered to make a call.

Now I'm not entirely certain as to why I never reached out to anyone when I needed someone the most.
I'm just starting to believe that maybe no one would had even cared,
        at all.

I want to be rich
with joy,

and I want to have
a job that
pays me
more
than what I'm worth-
and
that currency
will be
     loyalty and respect.

I thought about you
thinking about me,
and then I simply accepted
that it was all just a dream.

Is it the
time for
priorities?
or is it
the time for
simple
things?

(14w)

I was told to
always
be
honest.
          But you wouldn't
      have cared if
      my words
      were
      true
         anyways.
  
You only needed
      me to
make yourself
      feel
    beautiful.