For about six years,
I haven't been able to control my emotions.
For about six years,
I've struggled to wake-up in the mornings without wanting to change who I am.
For about six years,
I have given-up every single poistive thing about me
because I am hooked.
For about six years,
I thought I was cool.
For about six years,
I thought my life was riding high on "Cloud-9"
For about six years,
I've been dependent on any chemical that will alter my mind.
For about six years,
I've struggled to look at my own reflection.
For about six years,
I've made my family cry and push me away.
For about six years,
I've watched friends come and go.
For about six years,
I've been lying to the people I love.
For about six years,
My life has been nothing but a blur.

For about six years,
I've wanted to stop.

And today
will be
that
day.

I could have really used a shoulder to lean on;
Even though I was at home,
I still managed to feel completely alone.
And as I lied there, with thoughts about suicide and everything I've done wrong racing through my brain,
I never once bothered to make a call.

Now I'm not entirely certain as to why I never reached out to anyone when I needed someone the most.
I'm just starting to believe that maybe no one would had even cared,
        at all.

I'm the dust caught in the wind
Another raindrop upon your skin.
All the words that you couldn't say,
Another scar that I can't erase.
It's not the same, no, it's nothing like the past,
I can't help myself from always looking back.
I wanna live again in those better days,
I swear I can't stand how time makes everything change.

I guess this is to the past,
I guess this is to growing up,
Those were the best summers I ever had,
Now it feels like it's closing the door on us.
Where will you be when I need you "now"?
how will you be able to hear me call your name?
Can't you feel me reaching out?
I'll do anything to make you stay.

seems like
the
best
idea.

I'm not
going
anywhere,
and I'm
a fool
for
trying
every
****
day.

Maybe the
hard times
are over.
Or maybe
they've just
begun.

All I know is;
I have to keep
finding hope
in every tomorrow,
and inspiration
from all of
my yesterday's.

Some nights,
I just feel so small...
And I don't know
what to do
with myself.

I don't know whether or not
I should laugh
         or have a really good cry.

I feel like a gray area
trapped in such
a beautifully colored world.