Why do you have to always ruin my mood.
I wake up completely determined to make a change.
And you completely **** IT UP!
You deny any chance of hope...
That's all you know how to do.
**** dreams.
You know that young determined kid you once knew?
You held him back.
You ruined him.

When I was in the darkness
You led me to the light
When I was full of sadness
You made me feel joy
When anger was my companion
You calmed my raging fires
When I stood in the rain
You became my shelter
When I froze inside
You were my warmth
So many things you've done for me
So many I wish to do for you
You are my saviour
My knight in shining armour
The angel that appears
And chases away the dark ones
You are my life, my heart, my soul
And you have saved me from myself

Drifting along inside of dreamland
Oh how it reaches the edges of the mind
Holding the smooth hand of Sandman
You never know just what you find

WAKE UP!

Screaming and covered in sweat
Falling into a void with no net
A man stalking you in the park
Things reach for you from the dark

Night terrors haunt this night just like all the others
Gasping now for a breath, your being feels smothered
WAKE UP! WAKE UP! WAKE UP!
From this nightmare

You fight and you fight
But nothing works, it’s not right
Ripping and pulling
Your arms from their sockets

WAKE UP! WAKE UP! WAKE UP!
From this nightmare

You’re lying in your tangled sheets
And you are foaming at the mouth
Mumbling there, screams in your sleep
There is no way to get out

Cannot breathe, like you’re tied down
No word escapes you, not even a sound
Screaming for help is all you want to do
Struggle your best, no one will come help you

Night terrors haunt this night just like all the others
Gasping now for a breath, your being feels smothered
WAKE UP! WAKE UP! WAKE UP!
From this nightmare

I'm addicted to pain,
as much as someone who is
addicted to hurting their veins.
  
The adrenaline rush it gives me,
compares to no other.
  
I look for drama because I'm
a self-depleting person, who
is only satisfied when they're hurting.
  
I put myself in horrifying situations,
it's a day to day occupation.
  
I trap myself in a dark hole,
like that of an abyss, my heart
can barely pronounce scared due
to its lisp.
  
Angels and demons kiss my soul
with death defying holes.
  
I tend to feel lost without no control,
to regain myself is an everlasting toll
of hatred and resentment.
  
Looking into a mirror,
to only find yourself terrified
of those hollow eyes.
  
A face tells a story,
but mine seems to not stop,
like an undying pendulum clock.

Sometimes you feel...

                                        Useless
Abused
                                                                 Threatened
                          Insulted
                                                    Hurt
         Damaged

And that's okay.
You have to push through all the hard times.
  Take back the life which is rightfully yours.
   Stand up to your problems and face them straight on.
    Because without perseverance, you have no drive.
     Without drive, you have no reason.
      Without reason, you have no standpoint.
       Without a standpoint...
        You lose.

When I tell you that I love you
I’m saying that I care
In you I’ve found a friend
That is wonderful and rare


When I tell you that I love you
The meaning is so profound
For, in you my fate has been uncovered
And my soul finally found

When I tell you that I love you
What I’m trying to express
Is that you can always count on me
I’ll give you nothing but the best

When I tell you that I love you
I’m trying to convey
How much I admire you
In a thousand different ways

When I tell you that I love you
I’m saying “thank you”
For for being who you are
For being a part of my life
And touching my heart

When I tell you that I love you
It’s not exactly what I mean
To explain what I feel for you
Would take a zillion words
Not three

Black.
          Sorrow.
                       Death.

All these thoughts, twirling through our mind.
      Confusion spreads among us as we all stop being kind.

The very edge of insanity is so close and yet so far.
       Hatred is an option that we all consider.
                    Hatred towards ourselves.
                                 Not toward others.

If that option be chosen, you'd better be wary.
           If you let it drive you, it can get a little scary.
Sometimes we hurt because we are impaired.
                         But dont let your life be darkness and despair.

Everybody's falling.
          Everybody's crying.
                   and underneath it all, everybody's dying.

The silent plague of winter.
          The deadly poison cold.
                   Yesterday the sky was blue but now its white and bold.

It overcomes your body.
          It overcomes your mind.
                   You never see it coming like a gunshot from behind.

The world is going dark.
          and all I can do is cry.
                   Apocalypse is coming when theres snow clouds in july.

He had just passed a marker on 285,
miles away from that old city life.
Wondering how he could feel so alive,
He shifted the gears and he said "I'll just drive."
Something about how the Moon hit the fields,
Something about how the Country was still,
Something that night grabbed a hold of his eyes,
And the Road got so Jealous She threw him aside.
He lost all control and he swerved to the right,
Hit the embankment and rolled a few times.
He came to and he was in back of his car,
Painless and staring straight up at the Stars.
He tried to get up but much to his dismay,
He could not get up and right there had to stay.
And so he just laid there gazing at the Stars,
Listening closely for just one passing car.
He cried cause he knew why his tries were in vain,
Why he couldn't get up, why he didn't feel pain.
And then he was relieved that no cars had passed by,
He didn't want to live like that, he'd rather die.
As he accepted it and let Death creep on in,
Head lights hit the field, a horn drowned out the wind.
A big semi rig saw him right in the road,
and tried honking his horn to get him to go.
He realized what happened and called for some help,
And then got out to see what damage the Road dealt.
He saw the man laying there on the back seat,
And asked him if he could get on to his feet.
With a moan that had surely come from some dark place,
The man just looked up and right into his face,
He said "Just leave me here and they'll cast me astray,
I just made a deal with them all, anyway.
I told them I'd go peacefully with no fight,
If I had a place with them up in the Sky.
So, please, wont you just drive on into the night.
Please, Sir, I beg you, wont you just let me die?"
"You know I cant do that" The truck driver said,
"you cant take your place in the Sky til you're dead.
There's help on the way and I'm here til They come,
So you just hold on and They'll fix you up, Son."
He drifted away and fell into a Dream,
And, for just a moment, forgot everything.
He lost himself deeper and deeper inside,
and then woke to the sting of some bright, blinding light.
He mistook it for a sign that he was now dead,
But it was only the light above a hospital bed.
He screamed and he cried and then off to his side,
The Truck Driver stood up and he tried to confide.
He said "Hey, Son! It's okay, everything's alright,
You're still here with us in this Life and you'll be fine.
Don't let this take your light away, you're still alive!
Nothing can bring you down if you fight to survive."
  
"Oh yeah, what's left for me to fight for after this?
What, on Earth, can lead me now to some kind of Bliss?
My Life is now a Prison and a chair shall be my cell,
Not a ****** THING is fine, in case you couldn't tell.
What am I to do with Life? Who could Love me now?
I swear I'll take my place with them some way, some how."
  
"Is naught left in this life to bring you peace of mind?
No kids or family in whom some joy you'll maybe find?
It cant be so easy to so quickly succumb,
Why do you wish for the end so early in your run?"
  
"I can not be free when I depend on a chair,
I'm meant to roam around freely without a care.
I cant lay in the Grass or throw Leaves in the air.
Now I cant do anything but watch Life from a chair."
  
"I see..." was all that the truck driver could say,
He knew nothing he said would matter, any way.
He heard this mans cries and, though he was so numb,
He knew by the pain in that voice why he'd come.
He walked to the bedside and took the mans hand,
And said "Son, for reasons that I don't understand,
I feel that I was meant to be there at that Time,
Like I was meant to be some kind of Neon Sign.
But what I feel and what I see right now are fighting me.
Half of me wants you to live, half wants me to set you free.
If I'm gonna help you I want you to tell me why,
You wont even try you're just choosing to die."
  
He said "I chose nothing, it fell upon my feet,
And now, thanks to me, I'll never be complete.
So I wish to Dream of a World unlike this,
Where I cant walk or run, or feel a simple Kiss.
I wish to find a place among the brightest Stars,
That is why I asked you to just leave me in my car."
The truck driver didn't say another word to the man,
Just put his hand over his mouth and nose,
Sent him to his Promised Land.
And when He left the hospital he thought He'd take a drive,
And, for the first time in his life, He felt Alive.

Red are the walls
Black are the floors
Hard to fathom at all
What lies behind its door

Betrayal in the dining room
Lust in the sheets
Murders in the basement
Where secrets lie beneath

Liars are its inhabitants
Killers its guests
Dead bodies in the front yard
As a warning to the rest

A place of unsuspected terror
Where maniacs play their games
Where God made an error
In the house of wicked shame

And to think I once lived there
I guess that explains a lot
I might say I don't care
But it still haunts my thoughts

I am the moon and the tides.
I am the storm, the battered sea,
raging, raging, until the waters whirl,
deliquesce to droplets, dried in torrid heat…


I am creatures reposed to salty bones,
and I am the undulating desert gorging on them.
I am the Aeolian winds grinding mountains to sand,
blowing away my own dust to bare rock.


I am the tremors, unrelenting shockwaves, collapsing cliffs.
I am the molten lava flows, undermining tectonics.
Beyond the caldera, the release withheld…
The intensity is high, I bleed diamonds…  


Shear and tensile cracks throughout,
upwards and downwards;
unpeeling the mantle, liquid substrata, shaken core.
This world is crumbling... I am crumbling.


I am the imploding planet, spinning off axis,
out of orbit planetary collisions, the space flak.
I am the unfathomable supernova, cluster detonation
white nuclear, radioactive fusion.


I am the fading neutron stars, the star dust...


...the black hole.


v   o   i   d

Every day I fail to be
A winner, victor- Woe is me,
I lay with comfort in the rain
I speak, I fall; I rise in shame

My actions bring forth great demise
My lying tongue’s false alibis,
I pray for strength yet fail to try
I cross my heart and gouge my eyes

The storm clouds pour upon my head
With thorns and rocks I make my bed,
Free me from these chains that bind-
The coldness stains upon my mind

I freeze in flames yet drown in fire
The bread I eat makes me grow tired,
I do not cry; I lack the tears
I cannot stand up to my fears

A fear of failing is my name
A life of grief, I have no blame,
Born to wallow in the sun
I have no strength to overcome

I must rise and claim my soul!
I will loosen Death’s fierce hold,
Even though the path is glass
I’ll make my mark upon his back

You cannot win if you don’t try
You cannot see with blinded eyes,
You cannot find if you won’t seek
No one will know if you don’t speak

Tell the world and spill your words
A whispered voice will not be heard
Without the rain, we will not bloom
Send your pain into its tomb...

...and try again

Two creatures
So near to one another
And still so far away
One is cold and colourless
The other hot and fiery

So alike, yet so different
We can see them both
But rarely together
One guards our existence
The other shines with beauty

True opposites
These two majestic creatures
They are not part of our world
However they hold a place in it
Two demons of fire and ice

I think a dream so
        never return,
I painted the hands
                and the face blue,
then suddenly I was
                        abducted by the wind,
and I started to fly
                                in the infinite sky.

Fly so high
        singing where am I,
in the sky painted blue,
                happy to be there,
I flew and flew
                        happy higher than the sun
and still higher up,
                                while the world
slowly disappeared there,
                                        a sweet music played
just for me.

Fly up high
        singing where am I
in the sky painted blue
                happy to be there.

But all dreams
        vanish at dawn because,
when the moon sets
                take them with you,
but I keep dreaming
                        your beautiful in the eye,
which are blue like the sky
                                dotted with stars.

Fly up high
        singing where am I,
in the sky painted blue
                happy to be down here,
and keep on flying happy
                        higher than the sun
and higher still,
                                while the world
slowly disappears
                                        your blue in the eye,
your voice is music
                                                that sounds sweet to me.

Fly up high
        singing where am I
in the sky painted blue
               happy to be down here,
in the sky painted blue
                       happy to be down here
with you ...

Who am I?
                   God only knows.
Is there a god?
                            Nobody knows.
Nobody knows who I am.
                                        I am no one.
I am a silhouette in the foggy window of reality.
                                                  I am a shadow, faded into the black night.
I am a ghost in the crowded graveyard, never to be noticed.
                                                            I am invisible.

Your beauty overwhelms me
As I wrap my arms around you
I press your softness tight
Great passion fills my inner being
I'm captured in your embrace
Your eyes control my very soul
The touch of your lips, heaven
Forever frozen in time
All else fades into nothing

Sadness embraces me
I hold him tight
he has blackened the sun
  
it's perpetual night
gathering all the stars
and placing them in a jar
  
lighting my dungeon
where I can see my demons
lurking in the shadows
  
licking at my sanity
pacing, smoking
a cigarette **** graveyard  
  
litters the ground
tracing my steps in the ashes
tears fail to caress my face
  
hardened soul
refuses to let go
of the pain  
  
that paints my days grey
shadows have voices
they echo off the walls
  
pyro eyes ignite rage
this will be my key
to ****** this depression
  
cut off it's head
watch all the poison
bleed out
  
smear the blood
on my naked form
a battle cry  
  
lets loose from my mouth
the demons cower
shadow voices subside

All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.
From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king.

lay on the  
                                     shadow
   black
                    grass
rise up and rekindle all the memorys that  
                       hath
    been
                           harassed
listen to the  
                sorrowful
          howling
                                     wail
for all those who  
             contiue
   to  
                            fail

the red cresent moon rising  
               high
and  
                               bleeding
the limp, dead body's cast a warning  
        to
                             be
   heeding
one shattered soul takes in the
             blood
  and  
                          flesh
her blood stained hands still  
                                 crimson
         and
fresh

the only thing more dead is the hole  
                     bored
                in
      her
                                           head
to be her you must know what it is when a soul's dead
       to
be
                           truly
              alone

to out live all the blood  
          stained
                                      ties
to                    home
a black cloak and veil cover the  
    ghastly
                                                 skin
she's a being that  
           shouldn't
   have
                                                 been
always wearing an unseen mask
           no
one
                     was
                able
                                       to
       ask

what tragedy had been  
     in
                     her
past

no one could ever have guessed how long her  
                    pain
                                          could
         last
a past the world never gave her a chance
                      to
       forget

as if the world feels her  
                             death
  filled
                regret

bearing the cruel curse she  
         had  
been
                        given
in a way she is  
                always
      living
like a poisin dart embedded in the  
                                  soul
          domain
slowly eating away till the
            body
                                          only
                 remains

can't count all the blood lined roads  
       of
                    her
              war

the deaths fall down onto an unmarked score
                a
   girl
            forever
                         sixteen

to her life is  
       cold,
hard
                                        and
                   mean
her chance was taken away
        never
                      to
                be
   **returned

What's that inner drive?
What makes me run?
  What is that one thing that makes me want to keep going?

Music

  That is the one thing that makes me want to keep going.
That is what makes me run.
That is that inner drive.


That one thing has kept me alive.
That one thing has changed my life.
That one thing is the pure embodiment of passion.
That one thing is life, mind, body and soul.


That one thing is everything.

It's too bright and too hot
But that doesn't matter now
My hand closes around cold metal
My breathing echoes in it
So familiar to me now
I scream the words they want to hear
"Are you ready?"
Through the dance routines
And hundreds of lyrics
I become tired
Backstage I grab the water
Have a look in the mirror
The one who was blessed
The one who got lucky
What I'm doing is worth the harsh words
Worth the exhaustion
All that matters in the end
Is the rush of adrenaline
And the cheer of the crowd

My pen touches paper with flicks and swirls of my hand
Words written from my heart of which my head can understand
It's my way of talking freely ,Something i find so hard to do
Iv'e spent so long quite in my thoughts while committing social doom
Now i have no one left who will listen to the things i want to say
So i write these words in the hope that somebody may read it all some day
These pages are my playground where my hands write how i feel
There is no control of my emotions for all your eys will see is real
So please read these words with an open mind and kindness in your heart
For kept inside are my true feelings and the dreams i call my art

I don't know where to find you
I don't know how to reach you
I hear your voice in the wind
I feel you under my skin
Within my heart and my soul
I wait for you
All of these nights without you
All of my dreams surround you
I see and I touch your face
I fall into your embrace
When the time is right I know
You'll be in my arms
I close my eyes and I find a way
No need for me to pray
I've walked so far
I've fought so hard
Nothing more to explain
I know all that remains
Is a piano that plays
If you know where to find me
If you know how to reach me
Before this light fades away
Before I run out of faith
Be the only man to say
That you'll hear my heart
That you'll give your life
Forever you'll stay
Don't let this light fade away
Don't let me run out of faith
Be the only man to say
That you believe, make me believe
You won't let go

Am I being watched?
                                   Do I have acne?
                                                             I'm hungry.
Are my teeth straight?
                                                            What if she says no?
                                  Oh my god, I'm hideous!
I have a terrible personality!
                                                            Why am I so confused?
                                 My head aches!
What am I going to do?
                                                               Death
                                                     Death
                                          Death
                               Death
                    Death
          Death
Death

...Why?

It will end all suffering...

...or will it?

Nobody knows...

...or do they?

The green meadow holds
Many colours on the ground
Growing in silence

A steady thunder
Man made and strong
One, two, three, four
One, two, three, four

The quiet rain
Sprinkling softly
Bells jingling
In time with the rest

The lightning cuts through
Piercing the rhythm
Beautiful and pure
A melodious contrast

Earth below our feet
Sky above our heads
With the flames between us
We will dance until dawn

Though miles come between us
And distance keeps us apart
Nothing can ever change
The love inside my heart

I may not be there with you
Every minute of the day,
But you’re always here with me
In at least a thousand ways

Whether it be a thought,
Or a moment that we’ve shared,
It only takes a second
To get from here to there

Though I cannot really feel
You here at my side,
It’s always nice to know
I’ve got these memories in my mind

I Miss You

We have all seen and felt
The boy by the shore
He is quiet and calm
He invites you in to play
Seems harmless to everyone

This boy has a dark side
He will pull you in until you cant get out
Push you down to the sands below
Bury ships at his feet
Until there is life no more

I knew I would miss you
But I guess I never really thought
About how much I trusted you
How much you helped me through
Now I'm stuck again
Tongue tied and alone
The world keeps on spinning
And when I fall your not there
To help me up.

I guess it's good for me
To try to hold up my own
But with you I was a person
Left behind the monster I'd become

Now here I am with reality crashing down
Like a chandler over my head
You were my shield
Protecting me from words
Now they just hit me
And I haven't armor to deflect them

Never know how much
I clung onto you

But now I see what I had dragged you to
And I'll miss you.

I was angry with my friend;
I told my wrath, my wrath did end.
I was angry with my foe:
I told it not, my wrath did grow.

And I watered it in fears,
Night & morning with my tears:
And I sunned it with smiles,
And with soft deceitful wiles.

And it grew both day and night,
Till it bore an apple bright.
And my foe beheld it shine,
And he knew that it was mine.

And into my garden stole.
When the night had veiled the pole;
In the morning glad I see,
My foe outstretched beneath the tree.

I've been here for about 2 years.
     I'm getting critique from all my peers.
          We sit at the bar and we say "Cheers!"
               And set ourselves up for the next frontier.

Every day and every night.
     Going over the steps is quite a fight.
          All I do is "Revise, Rewrite."
               Until im ready to say "Alright."

Im not yet ready to say goodbye.
     2012 went by in the blink of an eye.
          Please send me reviews and I'll reply.
               I'll just barely squeeze by.

Now numbers are the figure that beckons.
     One number specifically, the number two thousand.
          It skyrocketed so quick, I don't know what happened.
               Clearly, poetry must be my passion.

The time soon comes for all to end
Only when you are left with naught
Shall the true test begin

Loneliness with haunt your steps
Hatred and sadness swirl in your mind
Pain racks your body mercilessly

If you can overcome it
If you can survive it
You have passed the devils game

Am I a lie?
Am I just another pawn in Gods game?
Is this just a sick joke?

No...

...this is not a game
...this is not a joke
...I am not a lie

I am strong
I am honest
I am REAL

So behold, reality and beware.
for I am back
...I am powerful
and I am here to conquer

All these strange feelings
Tearing  me  apart
Pulling   me   farther   from   myself
Don't    know    how    to    fix    it
Take     me     to     the     place     where     I     belong
P l e a s e.
P   l   e   a   s   e
S     a     v     e           m     *e

Mother Earth and Father Sun
Brothers and sisters
All around us
The creatures of the world

Bond together around crimson fire
Dreaming, Sleeping
Guarded carefully
By the moon and stars

Together we live
Together we die
We are one with the spirits
The nature and the sky

The monsters are everywhere
In our stores and homes
On our streets
Running our world
The look like us
Act like us
We say we see them as different
But most are never recognized
There's no way to stop them
Old ones die, new ones born
There will never be an end
Always a demon underneath
Greed is their friend
Power, their lover
Without control, there is no satisfaction
The crave suppression
They will fight for what they want
Haunt our steps
We never had a choice
We cannot destroy ourselves

The time will soon come
When bright lights illuminate
The fullest green trees

From their perch up high
Bright leaves become fireside shades.
Then fall to the floor

It must be bliss
Thinking you're invincible.
I wish I could go back to that
I just want to be invisible.

The fear, it gets me
always living in my veins.
People don't know the power,
that physical force contains.

The constant fear I live in
keeps me forever in check.
As an obvious result of this
I am an emotional wreck.

I want to make everyone feel safe
I want to stop all the senseless beatings
I want them to open up to me
and reveal to me their feelings.

For I can understand them
I've went through it before.
There's no more need to fight
We can stop your internal war.