Flash. Freeze and stop time. Open the door left slightly ajared, and glance into our past. Peer into my memories, my moments, my seconds all spent in your arms; I will never forget. Early conversations, short and unmeaningful. Never giving dismissed flickers of emotion a second thought. Lost in time, consumed by envy, I never tended to the seed planted inside my soul.

Days collide together, morphing into one continuous loop dragging on forever. Walking in a robotic fashion, I filled the vacant space in my heart with bitterness. The walls built inside my heart stood tall, laid out brick by brick; each one tells a story. So much ugliness lived inside of me, growing like a cancerous cell, constantly multiplying and taking over consuming every part of me. Cutting off my view from the rest of the world. Trapped in my own mind, the door bolted shut from my own insecurities and selfishness.

I always looked through you, just another face in the sea of people I had to deal with on a daily basis. My gratitude concealed in the deepest part of my mind.

Flash. Fast forward and freeze. Watch the seasons change and the tide retreat. Birds sing sweet songs of joy, basking in the early spring sunshine. Flowers bloom with excitement, and dance in the whistling wind.

Every glance, every word spoken by your benevolent smile creates a staggered heart beat. Warmth radiating through every nerve with each thump. Chills traveling down my spine. A change of heart.

You taught me to smile, to breath, to live, to grow, to love, and care. To care for, to communicate with,  to express myself. Forever thankful for everything I have learned.

Take my hand and whisk me away high above the clouds to our world. Wrap yourself around me promise to never let me go. Catch me if I fall, lift me back up. Believe in me to help me believe in myself.

The truth is lying in our blood. Hand in hand, heart in heart, mind in mind. Swelling devotion with an irresistible force pushing me closer to you every day.

I refuse to fight these long forgotten feelings anymore. Everything I am and ever was lies in your smile. My well being lies in your delicate touch. Your eyes see right through me, yearning to protect me. There is no one else to share, be my world and ill be yours. Trust me and I'll do the  same. Be my one and only do not share, put all you have into me and I will mirror your actions.

The setting sun revels darkness,
Stop and freeze time,
Listen to your heart,
Fight through the battle,
Embrace the beauty of the world.

Tick tock,
Time keeps going,
Never stopping to give a break,
Fight through the tears that rip open your soul,
Leaving a steady stream of sadness to pour out,
Never ending.

Gradually fall back into this existence,
Another circle of hell,
Another day of silence,
Forced to face because of fate.

Fate keeping you alive,
Destiny keeping you hopeful,
Hope keeping you strong.

When all else seems broken,
Believe in the beauty of the setting sun.

Just another melody,
A sweet song of sorrow,
Sing to me oh sweet lover,
Sing your tune of sadness,
Share with those who will listen.

Those who do not believe do not exist,
Those who do not exist are the ones worth fighting for.
Believe in what is and feel the fatigue from carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders.

Sing your song,
Sing it loud,
Let others know where your heart lies.

Your deepest secrets,
Fears faced,
Lies told,
People hurt,
Lovers lost.

Fails attempts never making any progress,
Oh sweet boy,
Sing your song,
Tell your tale.

Fate twisted and turned into what was instead of what is,
Feel the rocks beneath your feet,
Smell the dreadful sorrow coming from deep within,
Resist the compelling urge to fight back,
Accept the darkening clouds filling the sky leaving you empty,
Broken,
Alone.
Why do i suffer so?
All there is,
Pain.
All there ever was,
Agony.
Surrounded by dozens,
Yet so utterly alone in this.
Somehow i got lost along the way,
Forgotten and abandoned,
No one to listen to my cries.

I am,
Nothing.

All you are supposed to be is a change of scenery
(i've been here for four years, i've been me for seventeen)
Door opens to backpack skateboard and "I haven't showered in two weeks"
(i haven't slept in three)
Don't ask me what happened this isn't catching up
(how are you)
Show me what, I don't know
(you don't know either)
I laugh when I'm nervous
(what are you thinking)
(are you even a real girl)
(i dont think you are)
I am looking for a future in the back of a crystal ball bald head
(my band and i, we did it as a joke)
Instead give way to eight consecutive marks - neck, left shoulder, chest
(just like Hawaii, a place i have already been to, and you have not)
Come back
(where do you even go to)
You are a pop punk house show in a small town on a 97 degree Fahrenheit day in August in the basement of a friend of a friend whom I haven't seen since
Grade 9
(when i first heard of you)
Let me pretend that I'm drunk so you can pretend you didn't come here for this
(are you sure, i don't even have a ******)
Leave at 9 o clock to make way for my 9:30
(stay another eight hours to **** with my head)
A triple kick-flick on a scorching Midwestern sidewalk
(teach me how and leave)
Prove you weren't as far off as i needed you to be
(it's only an hour if nothing comes up)

You are a tiny person alone in a big house
(Two rainy hours away)
Maybe someone else can differentiate you from your peers but i cannot
(Will there be girls like you?)
These things, they take time
(Which there is very little of)
I do not deserve you, you do not deserve this
(Do I make you unhappy?)
Stranger's dogs and filtered water from a refrigerator door in a small town remembered for what it never had or will have
(Human beings were not meant for this)
You say you can imagine China stretching out from a spot behind my head
(Me, who has never even been on an airplane)
Why are you here / who are you / what is this
(How are us)
The bus comes at 10:15 but I will be gone long before
(Light years away, you cannot make me stay)
There are no drugs and there are not other boys but
(But there is the music and there are the other girls)
I am not as young and naive as yourself but I am just as bitter
(Loosely interpreted emptiness floating within pale irises)
Part of you belongs to a place unto which I will not return
(State, county, city, suburb)
Part of you belongs to me
(I will not return)

A friendly neighborhood reminder from your favorite girl-next-door:
- it's been a while now since we've seen one another (reflect back to long, melted dog days, amidst the summer of your heated discontent - with me and everything else in the world - and my utter digression. allow me to put a stop to that)
Conjure, if you will, a mental picture of a plastic 3-subject notebook stuffed with at least six, potentially seven subjects. Ask me what's inside: laugh when I tell you "mainly lists" (dusty déjà vu peeks it's bulbous head around the corner)
- I remain very unsure of how to put this particular list into writing, but here's a shot at it - slathered in a thick layer of milk chocolate, smothered in melted cheese and sour cream in hopes that you won't approach the subject.
     1. I want to smoke every cigarette you didn't know about and lick the roof of your mouth, maybe go so far as to blow rings around your false pretenses
     2. I want to fashion a tiny scythe and lodge it in between my teeth when we're together - while you fall prey to the assumption that these nicks I leave in your neck are symbols of my inexperienced affection
     3. I want the taste and memory of the cheap alcohol in my blood to linger in your mouth for at least 8 months
     4. I want the very strong jaw of nostalgia to meet your jaw in front of everyone you know
     5. I want you to grow up and to forget.
- I know you're leaving soon, so here's a map of where you're going: the colors represent everywhere I'd like to kiss you, and the gray areas are the places you'd rather I stopped short of.
(What do you mean, the whole thing's gray?)
A friendly neighborhood reminder from your favorite girl-next-door:
- destroy what destroys you.

and don't forget to send postcards

Oh tiny vessel,
Helpless and misunderstood,
Didnt think of the consequences,
Acted on impulse.

Oh sleeping angel,
A beauty in the eye of the beholder.

Oh child of mine,
Where have you escaped to?
Lost in the horror of the world.
Lies told to escape the prison that held her captive.

Oh victim i could have saved,
Woe is me,
A Flashing memory,
An empty couch,
A lifeless corpse,
Taken much too soon.

I should have saved you,
My heart beats for your absence.
Salvation that will never come,
No one caught you when you fell.
No one came to fill the void within your life.
Only your killer,
Murderer maybe,
A stranger,
A faceless man
Took you away.

Your spirit will forever remain,
The sorrow i feel,
The guilt i cannot face,
I am so deeply sorry,
For you,
For you family,
For your friends,

No closer,
The pain never ends,
Endless searching for the precious gem that was stored away.
Please forgive me.

Have ye beheld (with much delight)
A red rose peeping through a white?
Or else a cherry (double graced)
Within a lily? Centre placed?
Or ever marked the pretty beam
A strawberry shows half drowned in cream?
Or seen rich rubies blushing through
A pure smooth pearl, and orient too?
So like to this, nay all the rest,
Is each neat niplet of her breast.