And nothing makes sense to me anymore,
It all used to seem connected,
Seemingly random occurrences
With an underlying conspiracy.
Yet as I walk about, playing the hand I’m dealt,
It all seems fake.
And I just want to die,
For if all’s true, there’s paradise.
I’m weak, no convictions,
A stuck pariah, son of perdition,
I’ve an evil mind because of what replaced my calloused heart.
Indifference and rage are two of two
Emotions existing here yet through,
I grow tired of these faces,
Weary with apprehension,
Out of my graces,
And hateful of attention.
Exterminate, annihilate, eradicate me,
Leave me out of this creation,
My pity is a dry well,
No sympathy for a societal castration.
I observed the worst in all of us,
Especially in my self,
How can you focus on happiness,
When your own wickedness swells?
**** sadness, I’m hateful,
I prove it with distasteful
Demonstrations of reflected ugliness,
Angry at the world, I have your heart in my fist.
I’m dead to you?
I’m ******* dead to myself,
Burn the corpse and raise up hell,
I’ll make a martyr out of you.

If ever there was such a night as tonight,
I wish it to be reflected in starlight,
It’s dark and breezy out this eve, my dear,
And the world’s all quiet, nothing to fear.
-
It’s odd to think of how often I lay
Upon my bed reflecting the day,
And once your name and face come to mind,
I get lost in daydreams for quite some time,
Sometimes when I hear you voice,
Something inside just shouts rejoice,
I’m not sure what this means,
But I like it.
-
Further still, as I come to know
You more, it’s hard to stay in tow,
I find myself smiling with every laugh,
Your voice as calming as a palace bath,
My eyes amazed by every photograph,
I hope each word is not the last,
I’m not sure what this means,
But I like it.
-
As I sit and wonder if I’m heading right,
I feel ok without much might,
Because I sort of believe in time,
An idea, more or less, will grow the vine,
I think of all the things so fine,
I would love to be able to see your mind.
I’m not sure what this means,
But I do like it.

I can feel a bull in my chinashop body,
Raging as a rhino internally
I feel as some scapegoat prism
Has replaced my hollow chest cavity.
Everything inside me is broken
And
I Can
Not See
The Light
Trapped in ironic paradox,
I still refuse to believe in life.
I pray, Death to come claim me,
Death release me, from this pathetic retrospect,
I hear whispers beyond the void,
Every mem'ry haunts me as I close my eyes,
At night I dream of content,
But such notions are best weighed in false gods and ****,
My withered heart, but a muscle,
Pumping rot, attached to my sleeve,
All I am is a vessel
Committed to insanity,
Speechless speaks less than you might imagine,
Gathered unified, in greed,
Laconic diatribe in visceral times,
I am your ******* disease.
I’m tortured at night
When I use logic to identify love
Frustrated annihilation composes my composure
I clench my teeth and ******* blood,
SCREAM FOR ME.

Death doesn’t exist,
And I refuse to believe in life.
This world consists
Of incapacitating time.
We are all starving signatures
Of an experiemental joke,
And everything we create
Just makes me ******* choke.
All that exists subsists of rot,
A wasted penance, long forgot,
I lay the framework
The words became murk
While the public sits
And bathes in ****,
I don’t want any part of it.
-
Release me. I don’t belong here,
I’ll eradicate anything in my way here,
Subliminally inserted masquerades
Confuse the minds of the weak,
sitting without thought in this charade,
Confounding the blinded to weep.
I’m only suicidal in the mornings,
But the evenings bring contempt,
The hatred spawns new beginnings,
The death brings our lament,
Death doesn’t exist,
And I’ll never believe in life.

The black granite and marble
Was carved to represent a statue,
Preserving the image my mind created
Inside my hollow heart.
If I could, I’d say things are well,
But like that of the hummingbird
Stuck in my garage,
The feeling of hopelessness and
Eventual depravity,
Will have me dead and petrified,
Not realizing the windows were open the whole time,
My words are but a nuisance
The beating of an insect’s wings.
The hollow walls won’t hold to this ram,
I can’t read your thoughts
But I wish I could glimpse your mind.
It’s funny to think it’s been so long,
I’ve not ever quite felt this peculiar and pleasant way,
I see things in you I’ve never seen before,
Show a caveman a television,
Show me your heart,
The analogy is sound.

Sometimes I wake in bed
Wondering where the **** I am,
Kissing whispered thoughts
Lingering like every word I’ve said.
Each promise kept has had the weight
Of a thousand words like molten lead,
And every summer’s death reflects
Each tear I’ve shed.
A killing season of countless doubts
A sordid, remorseless discourage of clout,
I cannot trust myself again,
I have the same mind as all God’s men,
And in this peace I pray for war,
Something to occupy my altered course,
For boredom is the devil’s playground,
I strive for something, a touch more profound,
In solace I find agony, in agony content,
I wish that I had just one regret,
But in that moment where your own bed feels strange,
I find myself in my mind contained,
What brought me to think I’d been stolen away,
And further, why is it no longer the same day?
What happened to me in my forgotten dreams,
That caused disturbance from my sleep?
Where was I taken, what could I have been shown,
To make this haunted place feel so far from home?

I’d give anything to see inside your heart,
I wish I knew if I was who you’re thinking of,
I’ve never cared like this before,
Your mind and body I do adore,
But if this were to be something true,
All I want right now is you.
-
Sleeping has long since haunted my thoughts,
For the dreams have scarcely given in wrought,
I seek you out as I wake,
My dear, this maze I cannot make,
I hope that I can open your heart,
I promise never to bring you apart,
I wish for some kind of hint to show
Me how you feel, if your feelings grow,
I want to write a song for you
With your heartrythm as my glue,
I fight through turns and palisades,
I know this maze will be my grave,
And yet I pursue and find the way,
To the Minotaur, your chest emblazed,
I long to hear your voice in sway
At night in my arms to say my name,
I’m yours already, you’ve no idea,
I can’t even determine if I’m still ******* real.