I'm still here, but I'm not.
I'm struggling to spit out the broken pieces
of yesterdays wrongs.
That devil that loves me so
He rings in at his own pleasure.
Gives the man at the door a hundred dollar bill
and moves in.

Crushing, captivating
Unfathomable, unraveling
I'm ******* useless. . .
Hello, goodbye
Welcome, Welcome
You're just in time
I'm sorry that you made it here
But you're just in time
To see my seven worlds collide.

The silent crimes between you and I. . .
The other story that was never told. . .

I love to watch my world be destroyed
It take me seconds of a march
and I can spring into it like the thirteenth day of April
or in another thirteen days, we'll see if we're able.
The final day on earth.

Leave me now too.
Explore the the expansive explosion that is my mind
The thoughts that were open, now torn away, so kind.
Maybe the grim reaper is near
I wonder if I'll see him today. . .
Or in the perfect silence that splits this room in two
Into a vast plain of nothingness,
Or into the dark void of consciousness.

Just don't fall in too deep, or you'll never make it back alive.

Isn't it strange when there are days
That when all that was once going well
Has been washed out in the rain
The entry point that I desire
Leaves me still and broken
My mind can't take in this denial
This wrong road that I have chosen
This feeling of regret, but no cause.

                                                         ­    No regret. No cause.
                                                          ­  Don't waste my time.

                                                          ­                                          I'm not holding on to them anymore
                                                         ­                                     Yet the devil is chasing me back to them
                                                            ­                                   But the Dark One; the Queen of Spades
                                                          ­                                         Took the Ace's Heart and held onto it  
                                                         
  ­                                                        She spoke secrets to him
                                                       & told the lightest of lies too.

The Ace's Heart had then been pawned into
an Ace of Spades
                              the poor fool.
All of because of her glorious face
the Queen of Spades.
                                Oh how beautiful!

                                                     Now speak only in a whisper. . .
                                                           Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.
                                                         ­         Yes.          Yes.
                                     ­                                      Yes.

The little y that marks the spot
Behind the white sweet spot that
Holds the truth behind your smile;
Lies upon the sugar laced shoulders
That are wrapped in your perfect skin
Underneath those dark clothes
That you and I love so much
and your black fingernails
That left the deepest scars
Down the left and right sides of my spine

The sweet caress of your modest *******
Is the feeling that I love best,
When your chest is against mine
In the middle of the night.
My love.
Oh dark one. . .

I caught the smile of a dead girl
On your right side, the brightest side
If you even believe that for a second
Before your eyes caught mine
There were no alarms
But now I can see them, your eyes
and I can still feel your smile
Every ******* night that I try and forget
But your precious ghost hides inside of it.

Can you walk with me awhile?
Spend the night a least a hundred miles
Outside of the usual styles that you are used to.
I have been used too.
Put on display like the ******* last page
That I will never write again.

I swear.

You will see a new beauty behind these trees
and a cool openness of these arms to please
Your closed senses and to plant new kisses
On the sweet cherry lips
Of your holy face.

Oh strange,
Death calls on me.

She wakes me up with a plain stare
I can't believe it,
Started out on a plane
Woke up falling out of the air
They threw me out of the way
Would this nightmare cease to be?
The solid death-grip that holds tight
The strangest message that was never told right
The state of mind isn't parallel
The lines are unequal

Can you, will you speak to me, again?

The sun vanished out of your eyes
It spanned across a vast yet empty horizon
& these unknown trees & separated bones.
A controversy of these empty rows
The rules, the messages.
Don't forget your mind before nine.

Will you understand the book that I write?

It won't add up in your mind
It is impossible to subtract down the time
I've always ****** at math
I guess I'm no essay writer either
Oh well, **** it, **** it, **** everything, man.
& **** everyone!

I've just about ****** over and ****** everyone
Thirty-five plus all the others
That time has stolen from my mind
So much darkness surrounds my life.

I'll take that final step tonight. . .

Falling, falling, falling . . . down
Oh how sweet the sound
That my body makes
When it meets the ground
On the day that you brought me down
The nights that passed without a sound
Your life has been so unlike mine

Care-free

I can remember a time when I used to be
But that now has turned into a vague memory
You see, what I see
It is true beauty
I see beyond what others dream
You and I alone, together in peace
Could you believe in a thing like that?
Would you be able to keep me from turning back?

I don’t know
I don’t know, my dear

My sweet yet dark angel

Your heart fights it
But you know you want to see it
The questions you own
Are the answers that I hold on to
They are what I cling to at night
So go on pretending
That I’m not everything you want
I want your everything
Your anything, just do one thing my love
Speak to me with your eyes
Just give me a sign that it will be alright
Come breathe deeply with me tonight
                           &
   We can come down together.
                     Just right. . .

Are you sick?
Have you lived with this pain enough?
Do you enjoy my torture?
Can you feel my patience?
Have you loved before?
Does your soul scream?
Searching, leaving. . .

Do you want me back?
Could you live through the attack?
Lay down flat on your back
and let’s see. . .

Could you take me?
Place your hand there
Feel the hole opening
That once was my heart
No more, not here

Maybe it is you that could fill that part

But I won’t wait
I can’t. . .

My life won’t allow me to do such a thing

Will you ever see?
You can. . .

I’m outside of school
by the soggy banks
of an empty lake.

You seem curious. . .
Are you going to go there?
Backwards and forwards
Look at the message upside down
Does that make better sense?
Let me tell you about it?

The descriptive details of a red balloon
A consuming feeling of shiny latex
The words are all mixed up in your mind
Or in front of you, the mirror speaks

“. . .a human is a human is a human is a human is a human”

Did you forget your proposed, composed speech?
Keep you composure, turn our backs on yesterday
Forgive me when I speak; aloud

Forget me please
Allow me to drift off to sleep; on a cloud
                                                           ­      and die
For this once now, I can’t explain why
my words don’t make sense
For now I have become so aroused
with the idea or innocence of not knowing how
I write these mistakes out on this ******* page
that should be taking in other notes that might help me pass.

But I’m passing out on a passing star
So make your last wish on my crashing car.

We'll see who makes it very far. . .