i run
and i do not stop.
i run from everything
i am ashamed
of myself.
i have been knocked down
so many times
i become afraid
of heights
just from standing up
for myself.

and so i run.

hurtling around corners
and slamming into walls
my body breaking
and soon
i will have to stop.
stop this madness
stop the constant beat of my heart
pounding in my chest
trying to break out
like a prisoner in jail
for a life sentence.
i do not think anymore
i simply push myself
harder
farther
faster.

i started running
so long ago
i barely remember why.
i ran from people
people who hurt me
i couldn’t stop them
so i ran.
i ran from people
people who loved me
because i didn’t believe myself
deserving of their love.
i ran from the world
the world that shattered mine.
the world that took my heart
and dropped it onto the rocks
to be pounded into fragments
by the persistent waves
that plagued the cliffs.

they told me i could stop
wait up
catch my breath.
but what they don’t know is
every time i stop,
my past catches me
i curl into a ball
sobs rack my body
and life stabs me in the gut.
so i do not stop.

i am terrified
terrified of what memories slowing may bring
bubbling to the surface
crawling along the floor
crouching in dark corners
waiting to pounce.

perhaps one day
i will be able to stop running
someday,
a person might come along
who can grab my arms
sit me down
and tell me,
“stop. i love you.
you do not need to run.”

i run
and i do not stop.
but maybe,
that could change.