Like blood from an open wound,
the words flow of their own accord.
Pain there is, but no wish to get rid off.

An unbridled power has taken over,
Can't stop, don't wish to stop.
Have got to write, to tell this story mine.

It's a journey long, meandering through phases varied.
Going through forests deep, stopping at falls sweet.
Looking for answers, to questions abstruse.

Being termed obtuse, for not relenting in the worst of time.
Have been told that  I would lose,  but the choice is mine.
So I surge ahead, with only a dream to lead the way.

A dream to find worlds new.
To know the answer to questions abstruse.

Broken was the way it felt,
Betrayal was a word on the edge.
But known it was that,
Fault there wasn't any.

No promises were made,
there was no meeting of minds.
So how to enforce,
a contract never made.

Naive it is to brood.
Lost one has,
only a perception.
But is 'only' a word apt?

Belief without understanding,
that's how to term it.
The perception one had,
a perception based on facts incomplete.

Answer I can't,
because vanity still holds,
me in its grip tight.

An army was coming at me
I stood there ready to brave it
Don't mistake it for fearlessness
That is for the weak of mind

Steeling my nerves
Finding a proper foothold
Focusing on the onslaught
I stood there ready to brave it

And then it hit me with all its force
Hard it was
To not give up
To not succumb

A cut here a stab there
Pain seared through my being
I was assured of my evanescent existence
As the battle axe rushed up to my throat

Attempting to draw parallels
Disregarding the dimensions interfering
Always anxious that
Lost might be the lead

Termed it might be 
As a struggle fruit less 
Understood it has to be
Perspectives are there many

With shifting sands of time
Shifts a man's mind
Going places never imagined
As the control is handed over

Reigns ending up in hands
Trusted which can't be

Silence can divide

Giving birth to many a doubt

Pondering and re-pondering

Coming up with reasons new

But then doubt is hope

That all is not gone

emphasis on the ego is misleading

A lot can happen

These happenings bring realisation

Of the self obsessed nature

How can one be like this

There is a need to change

Yes mistakes teach

But repetition kills

This obstinacy must die

For there is a wish to survive

Tolerance can have levels many

To pan over them all

Is not what many can achieve

Peace being on the summit

The path is hindered 

Not possible it is to bypass level any

Cause for the intermittent blocks

Is the inability to accept

That diversity doesn't hurt

Feel one can't the ways of others

There is no debate with that

But understanding can still be there

Harm there seems to be none

To be rational for once

Entitled one might feel
To attention yours
Inability to grasp
Just too evident

The idea itself
Of getting attention undivided
Is wrong at its core
Objectifies you it does

This wish to possess
It demeans you so much
Patriarchy and dominance
Just seem to be oozing all over the place

You are free
Free to associate free to socialise
Free to live your life
The way you like

Can empathise with the seeker
The world moulds people in that way
But still reason it is not
To shackle yourself

Even after all this
I just can't discard the thought
Only if you could be mine

Jealousy made me write
I wrote to exude the fright
That lost was my significance
If Ever had I any

Though it was the trigger
But was not the driver
Perpetuity of this exercise
Had a source suppressed

Suppressed by the lack of belief
Belief in one's own self
The ego had to be revived
The soul had to have an outlet

An outlet for all emotions
To make space for the new
And to bring to the fore
All thoughts kept reserved

Knows one not
The ways of the other
Aware one is not
Of the days of the other

But this is not it
This is not the problem
The problem is whether,
There is a wish to know

Because if not
The knowledge
Whether present or not
Will be of consequence none

So tell me,
Is there a wish to know

The inability to comprehend

What hits the others

Living under the assumption 

That it's all a charade

Considering the fact to be odd

That there can be a side another

Labelling all else

As beyond the acceptable

If they show angst

At being wronged on and on

Then that is being a traitor

Because there is a mold

That which doesn't fit

Has got to get chipped 

Irrespective of the wish

Pushed in they always are

But doesn't matter does it

Throwing stones at the deaf man's door

A chance was taken
Thought hope there is
Leaving this story incomplete
Won't be a thing right to do

And thus it goes on
The script though seems
To have come to an end
A void there is

It seems of no consequence  
To continue this charade
Need to ask that question
The question which started it all

But then it hits
Why cause pain
For a gain momentary
This is not what I am

Breaks me it does
But at least
It's just me
That it breaks

It all started at one point
Crawling out to the regions around
Leaving marks on the way
Learning from every death

Wading through treacherous streams
Climbing over mountains steep
Discovering places new
Redefining the world as never before

Soon it all was conquered
At first it was just about survival
But with the passage of time
Developed a problem greater than any ever seen

Avarice, Greed and Self interest
A defect still not overcome
An urge to always have some more
An active ignorance of the boiling point

Thus it all got divided
Giving rise to internal feuds
Perpetually triggering divisions more
Shattering it all into a million pieces

This pride over an isolated identity
Cynical of all else there is
A pretentious acceptance is not enough
All these divisions need to be undone

Fear has got etched
Somewhere conspicuous
Always visible
Hard to ignore

Fear of getting drawn
Into a storm bound to shatter
To pieces infinite
Never to be gathered

Fear that this would be
The blow last
Pushing one to a point
From which return one can not

The hand is risky
So, should I call?

Decision eludes the mind

Realisation of this comes

With happenings indicative

Of the path taken

It doesn't seem to be right

If this really was

The choice to be made

Then why does it fell so sad

On the fork it felt like

The way to go

But didn't anticipate 

That pain will flood with the step first

Wish is to run back 

To go the way other

But then who knows?

If the gates will be open still

With this comes a doubt 

Was it fear of being turned back

Masqueraded as a choice

Which brought it all to this

Am I this weak?

Or is this really the way it's supposed to be?

Seems to have gone
Meaning attached to all
Reason does not remain
To do anything at all

Leisure dominates the day
Anticipatory silence is all that is
Doesn't seem to be right
The way wind blows today

Done should be something
Time should not be allowed to slip
Away into oblivion Will one be lost
If one sticks to these ways

Don't wait for the disaster to strike
Steer away when the time is right

It was wrong
It felt bad
Should not have
Done that

Betrayed I have
The trust of one
Which was won
Over a time long

Am I so heartless
So devoid of emotions
Shouldn't I see
Beyond my self

Can't think of
Any other way
To seek repentance
And thus I confess

Such concentration on the face

Such emphasis on trash

Takes a lot of effort

For parties both sitting and standing

Hard it must be

To maintain this state

Training it would have taken

To become so lame

Lives might have been lost

Rainbows might have faded 

Stars might have imploded 

Hearing a dirge in every word that came

Will this ever end

This drone bent on drowning

Choice is one thing we have 

Being deprived of that

Is a wrong great

Too great to be borne

Hindering the ways 

Not appreciated at a place particular 
Blocking the path to growth

The stoic self overriding the rational

An issue it is to take cognizance of

If harm there is none

Tangible or intangible 

How does angst figure in

Don't fear change 

There is a universe 

Beyond your zone 

Where diversity abounds

Remember choice is not just for the other

Right one has to question 

To get an explanation 

Just listen to them once

Listen without prejudice

Remember it's all about justice

Strayed from the path
Presuming to be in the right
Because there was a guiding light

Considering all the places lit
As designated for good
Never had a doubt on that light above

But questions did start to pop
As the thorns strewn across
Made their way up unleashing the flow

Maybe there was a trick
Hidden in that brilliant light
A test which one failed

But does that end it all
Or is it just a lesson
Which was to be learnt

That’s the thing about a mystery,
it should stay that way.
To uncover just blows away the magic.
Disappointment takes control,
expectations let us down.
It’s like the light at the end of the tunnel,
moving towards it is pure joy,
but there is a fear, fear that the end is not as bright as it seems.
There is the pain of being in the dark,
but there also is the bliss of ignorance.
At times there is this impatience, to be there,
to uncover that which has been hidden so long.
But the fear shackles you,
that lose you will, even the happiness imaginary.

Why do we indulge in it
What does it accrue
Is it an egotistical satisfaction
Or is it just a norm to be followed

People just tread the path
All unaware of its nuances
Fascinated of one aspect
Ignorant of else all

Though not true for all
This is the mould for a people large
While the others
They are confused about it all

What is the need
Can't life just go on
Thoughts like this
Inducing times troubled

Why this misery
If only an answer could be found
Meaning will get enshrined into life
For one more time

Oh why is it so difficult
If only there was some clarity
Some one to lead the way
I wouldn't have felt so lost

Happiness and calmness
Is what seems to be
The answer closest
But still doesn't seem to fall in

Slide, Swipe and stare

Thoughts conspicuous by absence

Something seems to be sinking

Sinking to a depth not known

But how much can flow out

The reservoirs gets drained 

The moist air must rise

To accumulate and give back

The empirical evidence though

Is not of a nature encouraging

Leaving one breathless 

Grappling and struggling for air

Sheer desperation gives a respite brief

But doesn't solve the problem whole

Fear of suffocation keeps nagging

Why this ailment continues to inflict?

It seems that he is in pain great,
The dam of emotions broken at last.
Such vitality there is in words his,
Only hope I can too match earnestness such.

Won't deny my jealousy,
Assumed I had it to be domain mine,
Only to be reminded that,
The avenue is open for all.

Open for all to vent out grief and joy,
His grief seems pure,
While mine is tainted,
Tainted with greed, incompetency and lust.

Look up to him I do,
Hope that he finds peace,
Peace in a world filled with betrayal and incompetency,
And brutally lacking empathy.

The line differentiating has gotten blurred.
Don’t know when I mean it and when i don’t.
Changes creep in, creating possibilities new.

Inclined to believe that the choice first was correct,
but then come words tumbling down,
changing the itinerary whole.

Such a tricky game it seems to be,
so neutral the stance prima facie,
seen never a poker face better.

Intervention to clear things up,
seems to be an idea disastrous.
Although the fear, might just be home made.

It is hard to be sure,
don’t know what steps to take.
There is a need to be face to face, sans masquerade.

Oh my delicate twig, be careful, blown away you might be!
Be careful as you sway amidst branches adorned with thorns, torn you might be!
Oh sweet one, don’t take my words of caution as an attempt to shackle.
Just words they are, born out of concern, concern for you my love.
And yes do forgive my perception of you, perception of being weak.
It’s just the way this world is, the strongest are broken by the winds of malice.
Anyway, now I will stay afar and never be the one to hold you back.
But never will I be too far. Always ready, to shelter you under my expanse foliated.

Proud of being a part
Part of a whole not understood
Holding on to a perception isolated

Nothing is wrong in the thought
Only requirement is an integrated contemplation
Not something which can stand alone

Division is not the answer
Accommodation is to be strived for
Being considerate should be the goal

Freedom everyone deserves
But even the books says
Compromise for the sake of others

And the void just got emphasized.
The compatibility downsized.
The whole world, in between was found.
Unlike Earth, theirs wasn't proven to be round.
The ends didn't meet.
And the ending wasn't sweet.

Didn't know where to go

Didn't know what to do

Then I stumbled upon this place

What happened next

I became a cynic

I became a liar

Was it for the bad 

Was it for the good

Only time will tell

So let's go on

Do what is the best to do

And make the most of what we have

Sinking to depths,depths unknown.
The stone got blown,
into these waters deep.

Wind that came,
was unexpected not.
Traces were felt,all along.

Stone being a stone,never cared enough.
To move about and prepare.
For the storm that wind was to become.

Stop turning back to the void,
the void disguised by the crystal display.
The fact of it being unrequited has been known.
This is what I am told.

And this is what I have known,
And yes, the fault has been my own.
Still, I have got something to say.
Just don’t be hurt, by these words
crude.

Sorry, but can’t be empathetic this time.
Your life is your choice, never disputed this, did I?
But for once, just once;
can’t you drop these insecurities yours?

Why are you scared?
What holds you back?
Don’t consider it to be a liability.
Please, stop running away!

Will confess that,
surety and confidence evade me too.
The future seems pretty bleak,
but tired I am of running away.

Realise that life is small,
can’t keep hiding behind the excuse of a dilemma.
Take a step and be ready for the fall.
But please, take a step.

Situations do arise

When the path ahead is devoid of light

Making frightful 

The simplest of move

Stagnation seems to be the choice best

Best yes but desirable not at all

What life it is lived in fear

Better it is to break the barriers imagined

Regret we might this choice

But the novel emotion in it self

Would seem to be a delight

An escape from the world devoid of light

Awry seems to be

The way things go

Light comes to be

When thought it was not of

But this is not

Where we close

A milestone it is

In a journey long

Haunted we will be

In the times to come

Of failure and of loss

But hope will carry us on

Still a doubt lingers

What is all this for?

What would be gained?

What would be lost?

If we give up now

Maybe it's just a chase to the horizon 

A goal always within sight

But Never to be achieved

It's done now

All that was there

Has been said

Nothing seems to be left

But the wish is there

To continue with this

Feels good to say

All that was buried beneath

Need is there it seems

To let the words flow

Unburdened one feels

When it is all explicit

Clarity takes over

Order takes back the reigns

Chaos loses its sheen
Receding back to its corner dark

Though all is done

The wish is not to leave

A struggle seems omnipresent,
irrespective of the parties involved,
irrespective of the circumstances involved,
fear there always is of being left behind.

The ones who step out,
do so at a cost great.
Happy one might be with the decision made,
but dampened are spirits by those around.

Unable to accept they are,
that one can be satisfied with a life humble.
The ability to know your place,
is belittled by the word weak.

But oh look at the hypocrisy!
Declare they might, that incompetent you are.
Gloat they will, over you lack of passion.
And on the inside rot they with envy.

Because they know,
down there in their shallow depths.
That happy you are,
that at peace you are.

To survive is not the the way for all.
The way is to live for some.
To live without bounds,
to indulge in what the heart desires.

The popularised picture of Purpose,
is just a driver miserable taking you to a goal,
a point defined as success,
actually being a point of no consequence.

And thus the whole struggle,
lacks one crucial element,
the meaning which we all search for.
And thus I fly free.

It never started with a hi
Neither did it end with a goodbye
Tumbling through space and time
Always bothered by the question, why?

Why continue this pursuit?
Why be so persistent?
Why put in so much effort?
Why not just give up?

And no it didn't stop at that
Trailing behind the first came another
In no manner less intriguing than its brother
What will it be like when it's all over?

Will it be like spring ?
Full of fragrant bloom
Or will it be like winter ?
Dull, hard and cold

The questions unanswered
The perpetual tumbling continues
With no end in sight
Oh only if she replied!!

The two roads
Bothering people from so long
One always treaded upon
The other deprived of company

How platonic does it all sound
Having been talked upon
People must have learnt by now
Territories uncharted are not to be fled from

But it's not just fear it seems
There is a feeling of loss
Though amusingly
Loss of something never had

Still loss can be over come
Who knows what will be there
Waiting in that place Unknown
Reserved for the heathens

Knowing how the word love has wreaked havoc with your life.
I held myself from expressing mine.
Those words written, had always been for you.
Articulation of my feelings for you.
Confessions about my failures to understand you.
Expressions of despair, as you kept drifting farther and farther away.