I am sorry
For my imperfections
For the insane words that drip
They are not my intentions

I want to be normal
For once in my life
To not have voices
Causing my strife

Clingy and annoying
Separation issues and crazy
Bipolar and ****** tendencies
My memory is hazzy

When you don't talk
Don't respond
I tell myself to let go
But I cant

I sit quietly
Secretly wanting to slit
Open my wrists
On my lip I bit

I've bitten harshly
On my lower lip
Red liquid pours
Solid in drip

I only want love
That I know I will never receive
I cry because my barely beating heart
Is cracked more that one would believe

I enjoy to slice
Cut deep
And watch the red nectar of life
Slip away from my frail vessel called body

What does one do
When their own blood
Treats them like ****
When they arent welcomed in
Their own home anymore

When the razor blades are rusty
And the well of tears run dry
When their heart aches and breaks
For it is love and acceptence they desire

When curling up in a ball
Naked in the bed doesnt suffice
And banging your head on a wall
Does nothing but anger your so called loved ones

Friends say "two more years"
But I will die, perish into nothing
If I must wait two more years
Trapped inside a hell

That they call home

I love you because sometimes
When I stare up at the sky
At night
And the stars shine down
And the moon always smiles back
I feel
Minuscule.
I feel
Insignificant.

I love you because
When I look at you
I never feel that way.

And I think that's reason enough
To hold your hand
For the rest of my life.

I'm just a **** up
It's been six years since I saw you last
And I have nothing to update you
With
My life is exactly
The ******* same.

I'm just a **** up
You've got kids now you say
Bright blue eyes and bouncing curls
You're happy now
You say
You've found it all
The secret to life.

I'm just a **** up
But I don't tell you that
I fake a smile and act like
I'm okay too
Like my whole ******* life
Worked out the day you
Walked out
Like I've got secrets of my own
To keep.

But all you really need to know
Is that I kept dealing
Kept slinging around this ****
Like I had something valuable
To sell
Kept crying on subways
Like my life was something
To ***** about.

All you really need to know
Is that I'm still a ****** up
**** up
And I miss you.
And I guess I should be happy
That my partner in crime
Has found someone
To tame him
Finally.

But I miss you so ******* much
So what do you say?
How about we **** this one up
For old times sake?
Get a cup of coffee, roll a jay
And spit one right back
In life's ugly little face?

Kids you say? Three?
How'd they like a step-monster
Just like me?
I'm the kind of influence
They really need
Someone has to teach them
That one day
They'll have the honor of saying

*I'm just a **** up.

This is sick to admit
But when your hand brushed mine
Last night
In the most innocent way possible
I swear on the headstone
Of the mother
I really never knew
That it was the most alive
I've ever felt
In my entire life

It was odd
That second felt like a lifetime
And a nanosecond
All rolled into one

And if just a touch of your hand
Could make me want
To live just that much longer

Imagine

Just imagine

What a kiss could do.

I'm a *****
But there's a reason why I am this way
All those times he left me
Abandoned, feeling lost and betrayed

I'm a *****
Because I let him go get high
While I sat in the cold
Alone, with a baby kicking inside

I'm a *****
For loving him the way I did
I'm a *****
For never telling him that it was his kid