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Amy I Hughes Aug 2014
Swirling patterns of white smoke still hang and reside as stubborn as a cobweb.
Swimming and floating atop the waters of my soul.
No embers remain of the fire once held there, so brilliant and magical.
It was put out messily.

Scorching everything that was, to a damp smoky haze of uncertainty.
Fear feeds the smoke, unaware of the time since passed.
A light, all colours of my spectrum and of those that guide and heal me, begins to shine.

The ***** smog rises in the heat of this light and warmth as guiding breaths banish some smoke entirely to the Earth once more.
With such clearance my soul begins to bloom to the once beautiful flower it was.

I cannot yet fully see it, still smoke-blind but I know it's there and with purpose.
I feel nothing for the ashes at my bare feet, watching them spin and break in the breeze.
All but a hard lesson, now emotionless yet once such pain.

I don't need it, I need me.
And with that acknowledgement I begin to see.
Amy I Hughes Mar 2014
I want you to hold my hand
Take it in yours with natural ease
Softly
Smile at me
Show them I'm yours

I want you to kiss my head
Protecting me from the world
Tenderly
Smile at me
Show them I'm yours

I want you to hug me tightly
In the middle of the street
Triumphantly
Smile at me
Show them I'm yours

I want you to look at me
And notice how much I shine
Brightly
Smile at me
Show them I'm yours

I want you to say it
I'd say it to
Lovingly
Smile at you
Show them you're mine
Amy I Hughes Feb 2014
Without an answer you left me for dead
Alone and disturbed of what I became
My body so limp; a storm in my head
From nightmares I watched it frame by sharp frame

I wish to make you feel and watch your guilt
You are clueless to the destruction caused
My being castoff; erased what was built
Years given in service; future now paused

From blood on stone I stand on weary feet
And watch the heavy darkness turn to dawn
The birdsong is clear, they know and they tweet
It moves within me; a rabbit is born

I’ve come so far and you will never know
What I’m now made of or how much I’ve grown
Amy I Hughes Feb 2014
My mind asks me repeatedly,
'What does he really have to offer?'
I answer it back with a weak 'Nothing'.

'I know he can't give me what I'll eventually want.
He's closed, hurt, has already had his life.'

My mind listens and calmly replies,
'Then why pursue him?'
I struggle for an answer.
Biting my lip in silence.

My heart replies for me with gusto.
'He gives her comfort, company, happiness and above all a laugh. Their chemistry is unheard of. Let her have this, stop overreacting'

'When it goes wrong, which it will, who will suffer the most then?' My mind retorts.

They're both quiet.
I answer.
'Me'
Amy I Hughes Feb 2014
A kaleidoscopic vision of myself
Bursts into your eyes
Changing fluidly into colours
Intricate patterns and lines

I shift and change constantly
To find my own peace
But the colours start to bleed
Nothing clear is released

I know my colours are broken
That I need to be alone
But I can’t stop myself from thinking
That you’ll help the hues grow

A kaleidoscopic vision of myself
Bursts into my eyes
I see nothing but black and grey
And no definitive lines
Amy I Hughes Jan 2014
Through the feathers and smoky bodies
Sparkling in the ballroom
The music marches me to you
With deft purpose
In my gown so pretty
Masked
I feel your familiar heartbeat call me
Everything falls away
From my senses as you
Take my hand and lead me
Soothing my anxiety in your embrace
Spinning in circles, green to blue
Holding me with care
Nothing else matters in this affection
Our dance is all I see reflected in mirrors
A beautiful, private show

My head swims heavily and I feel sick
It's too fast, too familiar
The mirrors crack like I knew they would
Chandeliers crash at our feet
You spin me quicker through the mess
I beg you to stop
I remove my stifling mask and rip off yours
My horror cannot be hidden
As I see your rotten skin
Your body so limp and cold in my arms
The chequered floor drops underneath me
Everything falls
Balloons and masks
Glass showers my vision in a rainbow of glitter

I've been dancing with the dead
Amy I Hughes Jan 2014
What was once his
I give so freely
With blood and bone
I don't see me
I give the shell
To find the heart
The wildness burns
There's nothing so stark
It's my punishment
For losing it all
The less I feel
The harder I fall
To crack my bones
And bleed my blood
Hit the floor loudly
On stone I thud
I deserve the pain
The tears won't cease
My memory won't fade
The pain brings peace
What was once his
Is no more
I lay bleeding
On the stone floor
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