i'm exhausted from
fighting against the immortality
of unwanted emotions.

i rage and lunge
stabbing mercilessly, over and over
but each blow hurts me, too.

i huddle alone, worn out
and it taunts me with its laughs
it knows i'll never win.

i was just a star
lost in the sky
until you wished on me.

if I was lost
would you search for me?

if I was cold
would you share your warmth?

if I was afraid
would you be the brave one?

if I gave up
would you keep believing?

you were supposed to forget me.

you were supposed to smile and walk away
no tears in your eyes, no regret in your heart
you were supposed to ignore what we had
pretend it wasn't real, we weren't real.

you were supposed to move on, find a life
live it beautifully like you once had
you were supposed to dream of beginnings
not endings you couldn't change.

you were supposed to laugh at the right times
listen like time had frozen in that moment
you were supposed to find her, need her
more than you ever needed me.

you weren't supposed to look back.

I want to feel like I can't breathe again
I want that swell of true happiness, the threat of escape
I want your smile, your eyes on mine
There are these moments, when you make me laugh
And some of my joy bubbles out, and suddenly
I want to let it all out
All my bashful smiles, my protective fears, my dreams of you
Would you laugh too?
I want to hear it in your voice, the same feeling I feel
I want to lean over the cliff and experience the thrill
The adrenaline of expectation, anticipation
Not knowing my answer, or yours, or any of the future
But embracing it no matter the consequences
Because the risk for you
Is absolutely worth it.

There once was a cupcake
          who knew where an elf lived
               but then
      the captain took her away.

                        now
          the elf lives isolated
in a gigantic, silent, undisturbed forest
                     hidden
                      alone.

      the cupcake, epitome of popularity
always tugged off to be the delight of the party
                     a role model.

          the captain, wretched sailor
      never stays in one place for long
                always looking for
                    new horizons
          leaving behind crewmates.

                        the elf
                 succumbed to
                      being a
                       statue.

maybe you were just a lesson I needed learning
time's child, grown too soon
but then, time rushes for no man
so perhaps you only lasted as long as you were meant to.

maybe you were a gift of hope
in a moment when I needed it most
someone to cling to, someone to treasure
but that hope wilted when the sun wouldn't shine.

maybe you were a fabrication of memories
gathered and sewn together carefully
a quilt of the past, too old-fashioned for the present
and after a while I couldn't keep you from unraveling.

maybe you were a daydream
floating around in my head, quiet and breathless
a perfect fantasy I'd escape to when I was lonely
but reality would always find its way back to me.

and maybe you were just you
the you I always forgot, or tried to forget
the you who would never return my feelings
but I risked loving you anyway.